Hm... okay... it takes place in a diner he's been coming to for years. The only reason he's ordered eggs for so long is because he wants the waitress to know him and his order--he wants to be a regular to the café as he can't find belonging anywhere else. The day the story takes place happens when the waitress recognizes the main character and offers him his usual order. The main character becomes excited, and then scared. He doesn't want to be known as the guy who likes eggs, as it is misrepresentation of himself. Therefore, he orders a bagel. Although the waitress becomes oddly upset, he becomes happier with himself and begins to think of simple acts he can accomplish to make his life better.
Sounds like a plot to me. I'm still left wondering why he would've ever picked eggs to be his thing if he doesn't like them. Did he never like them? Or has he just gotten sick of them, after having them for breakfast so frequently?
Was it pickled eggs? I thought it was just eggs. No matter. Perhaps the waitress offered him eggs on his first day at the Diner and he just nodded because he was too shy and attracted to her to say no. Then when he comes in the next day she doesn't remember him, but he's prepared this time, and he says something like, "Those eggs were so good I just had to come back for some more." She laughs, kindly, but it's clear he's just another customer. And that cements the cycle. He can only order eggs from now on, because in his mind eggs are now his usual, and you have to have a usual to be a regular, and if he's a regular, then the waitress will finally know who he is and he'll belong somewhere.
I think the key to this will be showing a lot of the story in good detail. There's a lot internal struggle going on here, but I know from experience that focusing too much on internal narration runs the risk of making your story too expository (no bueno). I've found what helps is making sure to attach all those internal machinations - his neurosis, his doubt, his intrusive thoughts - to something tangible with clear description. Which you've clearly set yourself up to do because there's all sorts if sights, sounds, smells, and tastes to take advantage of in a Diner. It's a very visceral setting, so good choice there. Truly, I hope you continue to work on this piece because I'd like to read it.
He ordered a bagel the first day but they brought him the wrong order. And I will definitely keep that in mind! Thank you very much for all of the help!
I wouldn't throw it out. I think anything we write should have a place, bad or good. If you want to continue this story, continue it. Or try writing it all over again but keep the original as well. Look at the differences and the similarities and maybe you can for something cohesive from that.
I did my best with it. A couple people said they wanted to look at it so I did put it in the workshop. Thank you all very much for the encouragement to finish my first story!
Technically there is, at least if there is beginning/middle/end and there seems to be character motivation. A simple idea is probably better and more unique than an over complicated one. It's difficult to understand why you would want to write about this though, maybe it#s something you can build on as you write it.
