Any suggestions for better word choices would be greatly appreciated! Making stuff has been my passion from a very young age. In my crafty mind, the more supplies I had, the richer I was. But ribbon and trim scraps had a special place in my heart. Maybe that's because it puts a nifty touch to many a creations. With much passion and excitement we bring to you this ribbon and trim assortment in hopes that it can add a bit more love to your next craft project.
In my crafty mind, the more supplies I have, the richer I am. Ribbon and trim scraps have a special place in my heart! We're excited to bring you this ribbon and trim assortment in hopes it can add a nifty touch to your next craft project.
What are your thoughts for adding these words "Of all such things, ribbon and trim scraps have a special place in my heart!" thanks again
"Such things" implies a reference to something previously discussed or know to the reader. As you have used it -- what does it refer to? I think it's confusing.
This is marketing copy, right? I'd suggest to edit out the subtly apologetic language and re-write it doubling down on the creative concept:- Ribbon and scraps ARE treasure. But the apologetic bits are:- Stuff In my mind But Maybe In hopes that To be effective, the copy needs to eliminate suppressed apologies. Currently it's about one per sentence. This usually happens because we don't like selling to people. The best advertising doesn't sell to people: it tells a story
