Can somebody here help me rephrase this, and make it sound more profound/advanced? "She appears to have a very serious personality and doesn't seem to laugh a lot.
You could say; She has a grave countenance or is grave in appearance or that her aspect is grave or there is a gravity about her that chases out laughter...but if these aren't the kind of words you would normally use, then you might want to avoid them. Deffinately try to keep your voice. Solomn and somber are a couple of words that would also work to describe that kind of personality.
I'm not sure about profound, but if I were to edit the sentence, I'd have the following thoughts. - OK, so the first version is: "She appears to have a very serious personality and doesn't seem to laugh a lot." - Unless it's important for some reason to have some uncertainty in the conclusion, I'd remove "seems to" - I think that it distracts from the main point. So: "She has a very serious personality, and doesn't laugh a lot." - Then I'd consider that "personality" is redundant: "She's very serious, and doesn't laugh a lot." - Then, "very" is usually an unnecessary word: "She's serious, and doesn't laugh a lot." - Then, I'm not sure about 'a lot'. It might be characteristic of the character that's speaking, but I might also consdier: "She's serious, and doesn't laugh often." or "She's serious, and doesn't laugh much." or, if you want more formality: "She's serious, and seldom laughs." or "She's serious, and rarely laughs." - Or, if a character's saying it, some possibilities: Jane shook her head. "Emily's so _earnest_, you know? I can't tell a joke around her; she sucks the life right out of it." John shrugged. "Emily? Serious. No fun." Joe grinned. "Emily? No, I'm not inviting her. She wouldn't recognize a joke if it walked up and bit her." OK, now my brain is empty and I stop. ChickenFreak
What about.. "She appears to have a very mellow and somber personality, and tends to refrain from laughing when she talks." Ugh, God I don't know ): lol.
You're trying to insert big words in your writing, just for the sake of them being big words. That doesn't help. Please, please believe what so many people have told you: There is nothing inherently better about big words. Your first suggestion, in your first post, was much better than this one. There is _absolutely nothing_ better about bigger, less-known words. Plain, clean, simple writing is good writing. ChickenFreak
I don't like her. Too serious. No humor. I hear people talking about her, you know what I say? I say, I don't like her. Too serious. No humor.
Sorry to hijack this thread momentarily, but I personally think the above is some of the best advice I have seen on this site, this page is bookmarked for future reference!
Her personality is as colorful as a beige stone. Well if I had to guess, I'd say that her hair bun is wound a little too tightly today. Serious and apathetic; her personality is a total bore. She's as interesting as talking about weather on a cold and dreary day.
Yeah, I'll give another accolade to ChickenFreaks excellent post, explaining how to break down a statement to its core elements, then expressing those elements with literary flair. And Matrix, that's what you should be aiming for, not profundity, but 'voice'. The other posters have offered plenty of examples here.
"Her lack of laughter personified a serious demeanor." Talk about her character trait first and how it reflects her personality.
Well the sentence is out of context. There could be a situation where humor is uncalled for. I would not make any presumptions on one sentence.
I don't see how this could be used in the context of a novel. It sounds like it belongs in the character analysis section of a book commentary. I fear this is falling into the same trap as Matrix's suggestion. An overtly complicated way of saying something simple--and with a distinctly flat voice.
True; I was just trying to answer the question of how to write this in a profound way. I am not sure how to make it profound. Like I said above, to make it truly profound you have to put it in some kind of context.
Ok I will show you what I mean: When Jane goes on a date she always gives the suitor the chills. She appears to have a very serious personality and doesn't seem to laugh a lot. Not very profound. Jane tells us stories about drowning puppies. She appears to have a very serious personality and doesn't seem to laugh a lot. Now it is profound. See what I mean about context? These are short examples. It all depends on what is going on as to how the reader will react to the sentence.
While we're all giving examples: That's how I would do it. I mean, just having a character who seems very serious and who doesn't laugh a lot, so the reader can discern these facts in context, is clearly not enough; not profound enough. Time to turn up the profound dial all the way to 11 *does Bill and Ted guitar lick thing*
