Hi I am looking for an opinion on the synopsis that I have written, please give me your feedback. Priyanka Banga, a twenty six year old Product Manager, is a free spirited, independent girl, who wants to attain her individual freedom away from the constrained borders of the stereotypes that the society has defined for her. She has an early tryst with societal conventions when, at her birth, her grandmother wails loudly because she was hoping for a boy to come into the family but God sends her yet another girl. The incident leaves a vivid impression on her mind and as she comes of age, she embarks on an inward journey to discover her own individuality and embracing it. But when her ideas create a discord even with her family, she faces a choice to either mould herself according to the conventions or break free and define 'her way of leading her life.' Floating between the past and the present, Labyrinth is an ode to freedom of thought and to building a society that fosters individual growth away from preconceived notions and biases. In her early years, she spends a cocooned childhood, brought up in a joint family at her ancestral house in Saharanpur. But this paradise comes crashing down as she goes through sexual harassment incidents, in her childhood and in her teenage years, both times at the hands of her teachers. Depression grips her, she feels hollow as if her insides had been scooped out and goes through life cloaked in nothingness. The emotional scars that the incident leaves behind never heal, leaving her vulnerable. As the storm of guilt, self blame and horrific memories abates, she is disillusioned by the way the society around her perceives women. Priyanka joins a popular engineering college in Banaras. She experiences a cultural shock after she arrives in the city, a constant tussle between her liberal upbringing and the deeply traditional views of the people around her. Her innocence and naivety are mistaken for flirtatiousness but when a precious friendship breaks, she moves away from the world, locks herself in a room and swallows pesticide in an attempt to put out the flickering flame of her individuality forever. After college, she is hired by an MNC in Bangalore. Life becomes a war for survival as her wallet gets stolen and she is cash strapped. At work, she faces gender discrimination from her superior. She befriends loneliness. A year later, she is diagnosed with the polycystic ovarian syndrome which changes her outlook on life. She starts to lead a healthier life with the right diet and exercise. Written in the first person, Labyrinth is a 60000 word story that is divided into five parts and 28 chapters. It echoes the buried voices of many women whose individuality has been suppressed by the patriarchal society. It showcases the poignance in living a life without discovering the voice within. Thanks for all your help in advance. Do let me know even if this looks absolutely hopeless.
Why is product manager capitalised? Calling her free spirited and independent before going on to describe the ways in which she is free spirited and independent seems excessive and redundant. This doesn't seem important enough of an event to me to specifically include (rather than making brief vague reference to it). 'discover her own individuality and embrace it' I don't think individuality is something you really discover. You discover things as a result of embracing your individuality. 'even with her family'- is a discord with her family really surprising? That seems like a relatively normal thing to me. Especially given the aforementioned incident with her mother. But is she free spirited and independent though? There is a lot of repetition here. Is this worth adding here? Should probably be a full stop or an and after 'depression grips her'. 'Cloaked in nothingness' is an odd choice of words. I don't really like it. Should probably be a full stop after 'mistaken for flirtatiousness', or at least a comma. This sentence is long and moves around a lot. Shouldn't be a 'the' before 'polycystic', and should be a comma after 'syndrome'. This whole bit seems like you are getting too far into the story for a synopsis. Overall feedback. You have some interesting plot points and themes to explore here. But this does feel a little one track. There's a lot of emphasis on individuality and women's issues in your design statements and the plot itself. It may be better if there was some sense of confounding themes and plot points. Like, is there only one major character?
Truth be told I was a bit confused at first when reading so I had to read it two times to get it. Maybe I'm slow due to the heat today but that's what I thought about. Otherwise it looks interesting and good to me, although I will confess that I don't have any experiences with synopsis. Good luck though.
This is not a synopsis. You have no told me at all the main events of your plot. A synopsis should give an overview of the main plot of your novel. You haven't really done that. You also use a lot of "buzz phrases" like "She befriends loneliness" - what's that supposed to mean? What does she do, or what happens? Or phrases like "the flickering flame of individuality". You're trying too hard, imo. I'm also not sure why you say she's had a "liberal upbringing" when her own mother harboured so much despise against her sex that she wailed at her daughter's birth because the baby wasn't a boy. Also, "society" does not need "the" - little mistakes like this, which I saw a few of, makes me wonder how good your SPAG is, which, regardless of how good your story is, immediately puts me off. As well as all that, you haven't honestly told me: What makes your story special? An independent girl striving for her individual freedom (I'm using your words) not only sound like a redundant use of language, but really a rather familiar, unoriginal story. What makes yours different from every other book out there already tackling the issue? Last thing: let your writing voice shine through in your synopsis. Your synopsis should not just be a list or a summary but it should be like your book condensed into one page. If I read nothing but your synopsis, I should know everything I need to know that happens in your book to understand the story in full, and I should be enticed to read it. Let your style/voice come through. Give us a sense of Priyanka as a character. I get none of that right now. I'd also strongly advise you to change Priyanka's name. I, personally, cannot take the near-rhyme of Priyanka Banga seriously, at all. It sounds awful. It's not something that'd break the deal but for me, at least, such a name would distract me way too much for me to even read the book, because I'd forever be sniggering.
I don't know a lot about what a synopsis should look like--though I'm pretty sure it's supposed to include a summary of the plot, and that seems to be largely absent here. So I'm mostly going to just addres this as a piece of writing. > Priyanka Banga, a twenty six year old Product Manager, is a free spirited, independent girl, She doesn't sound free spirited or independent at all. It sounds like she WANTS to be those things, but that's not the same. > who wants to attain her individual freedom away from the constrained borders of the stereotypes that the society has defined for her. This feels long and fairly repetitive. "...away from the constrained borders that society..." an "...away from the stereotypes that society..." both say essentially the same thing. > She has an early tryst Tryst: "a private, romantic rendezvous between lovers." This doesn't seem like the right word. Even if you're being metaphorical, the incident doesn't sound at all loving. Also, "early..." suggests that there was just this one little incident and that for the rest of her life everybody supported who she wants to be. I don't think that's what you mean. > with societal conventions when, at her birth, her grandmother wails loudly because she was hoping for a boy to come into the family but God sends her yet another girl. The incident leaves a vivid impression This implies that a newborn understood what Grandma was saying--that she was actually aware of the "incident" in the moment that it was happening. If you mean that she grew up with a constant awareness that her family was disappointed that she wasn't a boy, it would be better to say something closer to that. It also sounds like you're trying to briefly break into 'scene' with 'wails loudly'. I don't think that we need or want actual scenes in a synopsis. > on her mind and as she comes of age, she embarks on an inward journey to discover her own individuality and embracing it. SPAG issues--it should be "...discover her own individuality and embrace it..." > But when her ideas create a discord even with her family, "even with" is odd--I would absolutely expect them to create discord within her family. You've already told us that a key member of her family was angry that she wasn't a boy. > she faces a choice to either mould herself according to the conventions or break free and define 'her way of leading her life.' We're getting repetitive here: wants to attain her individual freedom away embarks on an inward journey to discover break free and define A syopsis, as I understand it, doesn't have enough space to say essentially the same thing multiple times. You also introduce the book twice: Floating between the past and the present, Labyrinth is... Written in the first person, Labyrinth is... Again, this seems redundant. > Labyrinth is an ode to freedom of thought and to building a society that fosters individual growth away from preconceived notions and biases. The above is just not working for me. I think it's because it's telling us the moral of the book, and that doesn't strike me as relevant to a synopsis. > In her early years, she spends a cocooned childhood, brought up in a joint family at her ancestral house in Saharanpur. But this paradise But it doesn't seem like a paradise. Her grandmother wants her to be a boy. That's the only specific that you've given us about her family, and it's entirely negative. > comes crashing down as she goes through sexual harassment incidents, in her childhood and in her teenage years, both times at the hands of her teachers. "goes through sexual harassment incidents" is a very formal, mechanical phrasing, and it really doesn't tell us anything about what happened. Nor does it tell us how her life came "crashing down". I'm not asking for a lot of details, but I am asking for the words to give me a better clue of what's going on. > Depression grips her, she feels hollow as if her inside had been scooped out and goes through life cloaked in nothingness. This strikes me as too dramatic, too in the moment (it seems like you're trying to touch on a scene again), and both too specific and too vague. > The emotional scars that the incident There were two incidents, right? > leaves behind never heal, Well, they heal by the end of the book, because of diet and exercise, right? > leaving her vulnerable. As the storm of guilt, self blame and horrific memories abates, she is disillusioned by the way the society around her perceives women. "horrific memories" sounds like a lot more than sexual harassment. > Priyanka joins a popular engineering college in Banaras. She experiences a cultural shock after she arrives in the city, a constant tussle between her liberal upbringing I don't see how her upbringing was liberal. If it was, we need to know more about her family than the fact that her grandmother was disappointed at her existence. > and the deeply traditional views > of the people around her. Her innocence and naivety are mistaken for > flirtatiousness but when a precious friendship breaks, she moves away > from the world, locks herself in a room and swallows pesticide in an > attempt to put out the flickering flame of her individuality forever. Again, too dramatic and insufficiently specific. > After college, she is hired by an MNC in Bangalore. Life becomes a war for survival as her wallet gets stolen and she is cash strapped. "a war for surival" is pretty dramatic for this. Did this theft of her wallet somehow affect her for months or years? > At work, she faces gender discrimination from her superior. She befriends loneliness. I don't know what "befriends loneliness" means. > A year later, she is diagnosed with the polycystic ovarian syndrome which changes her outlook on life. How and why? > She starts to lead a healthier life with the right diet and exercise. You're suggesting that all these issues were solved with nothing but diet and exercise?
I agree with the other commenters - this doesn't really feel like a synopsis to me. Can you clarify - what purpose are you trying to meet? Is this meant to go on the back cover of a book, or be part of a cover letter to an agent, or be the synopsis many agents request with submissions, or...?
Thank you for all the feedback. This is the first time I am writing a synopsis to send my book out to an agent. I would be working on another draft of this. I have been reading on Google what a synopsis should contain. If any of you can offer me an insight into how I can make this a synopsis that an agent would like, I'd be really grateful to you.
