Is this a little too brutal? (Describing an execution)

Aight, a brief background:

In my fantasy, The Alkorian Legends, Mishu's direwolf guide dog gets captured/hurt badly by an agent of the big bad. Eventually, Mishu and her newfound Devonian companion finds this agent. The companion, one of the Wild Devonians, decides the agent deserves no less than a brutal punishment so she takes the agent to her camp. And this is where I'm concerned:

The execution is like this: They strap the agent to an "x"-shaped cross and break his shoulders and hips all while a Devonian slowly pulls at a rope (affixed to a pulley) that strangles him. One scenario has the execution be that they simply break the agent's neck. The other is that they literally roast the agent and stand while he burns alive.

While there is context behind it, and it's more than just to avenge a blind girl's guide dog (though the companion asks Mishu if this is cathartic for her) I'm wondering if this is a bit too brutal? Too dark? I don't mind going dark, I just don't want to pull a 'shock value for the sake of shock value".

Thoughts??

 

The better question would be do you have to go into detail about the execution, or would just a brief mention suffice? If yes, you need the details, then do it. No such thing as too brutal. Besides, people love a bit of controversy.

 

If it is what you want and needed in the story, you go for it!

 

I'd mostly be concerned over whether it's tonally consistent with the rest of the story. Do you think this scene would really stick out as needlessly brutal? Like, on GoT for example I'm pretty sure this is just a Tuesday, and wouldn't have much of an impact.

Or is this supposed to be a particularly dark moment, and are you ready to treat it as such? If it's a remarkable thing to happen in context, and you're going to describe it in detail, I would think it probably needs to be given some gravity - used as a turning point in the story or somesuch.

I think it becomes just shock value if you present a brutal thing in loving detail, then move on as if it didn't happen and doesn't matter.

 

I wouldn't be bothered coming across something like this in a book. I've certainly read worse. Although, for me, it makes the one ordering the execution come across as a bit of a bastard. You say there is a context, but is there any reason, vengeance aside, that they can't simply have his head off and be done with it? Think about what these actions say about the characters performing them, and how it will change the reader's perception. If it has the desired effect, great! It could be a wonderfully intense scene.

 

Is Mishu a bad guy? That seems a bit brutal for good guys to be doing.

Unless Mishu is a psychotic anti-hero, in which case, carry on.

 

Yeah, I would be more concerned about what this says about your characters (that they are vindictive and sadistic) rather than what it'll do to your reader.

 

The idea is that Mishu doesn't know how they'll execute this man, so she's horrified and begs them to stop when they do it. It's supposed to contrast the Devonians of the wild versus the Devonians she knows in the city. The civilized vs the savage if you will.

Also, they're doing it because the agent has already killed a few of their own -- and he's human to boot. Mishu being there is just by proxy.

 

In which case, it sounds like a fabulous idea. I would also find the unique method of execution (specifically the one where they break his shoulders whilst strangling - burning is a bit more common) intriguing in a, "Oh, they didn't just behead him. Interesting!" way. But maybe I'm just weird.

 

I second this. If the violence in my story has basically been lowkeyed and suddenly "watch me graphically describe this guy dying!!!"

Would be very off putting, I imagine. I don't have any other violence scenes to compare it too other than Mishu getting her ribs broken as the villain stomps on her chest, and another character taking personal glee in having a baddie under his blade.

 

You could soften it a bit without losing detail by having a character describe the execution in dialog, rather than as narration. That way, you could use the character's reaction as a means of conveying the horror of it, rather than the mechanics.

 

I vote against this one not because it's too brutal but because I get distracted trying to figure out how it works.

 

This is completely dependent on your audience. In the kind of horror I read, nobody would bat an eyelid at this. In a whimsical YA fantasy, it's likely to be disturbing to at least some readers.

 

Ah, that's the problem. This is a mostly whimsical YA fantasy novel. Yes, there's violence but it's mostly straight-forward and its usually when people are fighting each other. Grisly executions and torture scenes?

The more I think about it, maybe it is a bit too dark and grisly for the setting. Especially when you go from 'injury from combat' to 'holy shit, this is like something from Game of Thrones!!' And the way I have the execution (breaking the hips and shoulders, then burning the person alive) sounds more like something a villain would do...

I guess since I'm second-guessing myself on this, I should take it as cue that it's probably too dark for this setting...

 

On the other hand, maybe I could re-work it as more of a critique of 'shock value for the sake of shock value'. Maybe Mishu learns exactly how they plan to execute the man (before anything actually happens) and she's disgusted with it, argues for the man's life. No begging for mercy while they're roasting him. Just her firmly insisting that this kind of stuff is not tolerated?

 

This seems more logical, and will be gentler on your audience (less in contrast to mood of the rest of the story). I don't see any reason to ignore that there are gruesome things happening in your protag's world, but that doesn't mean that showing it blow for blow is the best path to take. Sometimes leaving things to the imagination is more potent than showing in real time... and this allows the reader to make it as disturbing as they are inclined to.

 

And then my question would be -- does Mishu have the authority and influence to be heard? Or is it going to happen anyway? That kind of makes a difference for me as to how well it will play in a YA.

 

[prepares long post about how graphic violence in fiction itself is not a problem, only the narration of the violence can be a problem if it's done wrong]

Yeah, that changes things.

 

It will not be too brutal as long as you don't go into
visceral detail and linger on the execution. And trust
me you can make it bloody gruesome with extreme
detail.

However it is not as bad as the three women that get
flayed alive over many hours in my own WIP.
So if you want to get an idea of raw brutality the excerpt
is on my blog in my sig to give you an idea of just how
nasty you can get. Think of it as looking at the extreme
end of the spectrum, and then dial it back to a level
you feel fits more the tone of your own themed work.
Trust me, when I say if you are squeamish, or don't
like extreme graphic content, you should probably
take a pass.

Good Luck.

 

She doesn't have any position of authority to really stop it. She's a fourteen year old blind girl surrounded by hostile, feral Devonians who are going to execute this agent after what he's done to their people. The only reason she's not being disembowled herself is because one of her allies is from that group, she has taken Mishu to witness the agent's fate believing that Mishu would find it cathartic since the agent also hurt her friends.

 

I don't really see how it would help for her to speak out against it then? When it's going to happen anyway. Wouldn't that push her back over to the edge of disembowelment herself? Arguing with the powers that be?

 

She's kind of screwed in this scenario. I suppose she can try to convince her companion to go speak on her behalf?

 

Maybe.

 

Poor Mishu.