1. rich6284

    rich6284 New Member

    Nov 2, 2008
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    Is this QUERY LETTER as solid as it can be?

    Discussion in 'Query & Cover Letter Critique' started by rich6284, Nov 2, 2008.

    Hi everyone, I've posted a query letter that I've rewritten at least a dozen times. I plan on sending it out to several agents and want to make sure it's perfect. Please feel free to criticize it, nitpick it, and/or tear it apart. Thanks.

    Dear NAME,

    I am seeking representation for a dark urban fantasy called Trainland (85,000 words) about a down-on-his-luck businessman who discovers a surreal, purgatorial city beneath New York. Should you be interested, I hope we can establish a long-standing, professional relationship.

    After losing his four-year-old daughter in a drowning accident that he blames himself for, Jack Devins’s life begins to fall apart. His wife leaves him, his boss blames him for the loss of an important client, and his teenaged son begins mixing with a dangerous crowd. Then there’s the strange homeless man with burns covering his entire body who has been stalking Jack. The day he gets fired, Jack follows what appears to be the ghost of his daughter into the subway tunnels. He discovers Trainland, a crumbling, sunless city where the souls of the damned are governed by a sadistic cult that collects taxes paid in blood. Here, Jack finds the burnt homeless man, who leads him on a nightmarish journey through the city in pursuit of a mythical train that will save his soul. Jack realizes he must defeat the leader of the cult if he ever wants to return home, which he must do to save his distraught son from becoming involved in a grisly school shooting that will forever destroy Jack’s family.

    I received an MFA in Fiction from the New School in 2008 and have had short stories published in Storyglossia, Terrain.org, Literary House Review and Pax Americana. I would be more than happy to send a partial or the full manuscript and I thank you for your time.

  2. Redsrock

    Redsrock New Member

    Oct 14, 2008
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    Southern Indiana
    The beginning and last parts of the plot overview seem sort of generic to me, but I like the middle stuff a lot. Of course, I've never seen your writing so it's probably a bit rash for me to say it's generic. *shrug*

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