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  1. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    My Vampire Story

    Discussion in 'Setting Development' started by Akira44, Jul 12, 2020.

    I really need to work on my titles.

    So anyway, I'm in the process of writing a vampire series set in a fantasy world where vampires and humans have always coexisted. The series is called Nyx, and it's an anthology series that details the lives of humans and vampires throughout different points in history. This thread is something I wanted to post just to see what people thought of it. Because I think of a lot of ideas and I like showing them off if I think they're good.

    The vampires in this story are partially inspired by the vampires in Blade and American Vampire (the best vampire comic I've ever read). They are not undead beings but are living creatures that may look human but have many differences that are seen and unseen. I've tried making my vampires into both supernatural creatures with supernatural origins and realistic predators with their fair share of limitations.

    Vampires

    Vampires are a nocturnal race of humanoids who must feed on blood for sustenance. They have existed alongside humans for thousands of years and have had many conflicts with them throughout history.

    Vampirism

    Vampirism is a virus that is spread through the ingestion, injection or transfusion of blood or saliva of a vampire, most often transferred via the saliva of a vampire into the victim’s bloodstream through a bite. In order to infect someone, a vampire must drain a victim until they are near death. This allows the virus to freely infect the individual with virtually no resistance from the individual’s shattered immune system. The incubation period is usually 24 hours after infection, by which time the virus will mutate the victim into a vampire.

    Biology

    The vampire virus radically alters the host’s physiology and metabolism, rewriting their genetic code on the cellular level. Outwardly, vampires look like regular humans and can visibly blend into society without being noticed by people. They possess razor sharp fangs and claws that can rip through flesh with ease, and are retractable. One major difference is that vampires have a lower average body temperature than humans, thus making it possible to spot vampires in a crowd using an infrared camera. Vampire saliva has the ability to heal small wounds, and speed up the healing on larger ones. It is most often used to close the wound they make on a human after feeding.

    Vampires gain sustenance from the blood of other creatures to survive, preferably humans. Though they can drink animal blood, it is less filling and nutritious. A vampire only requires 1.5 liters of blood to survive, which will hold them for a week. Should they go without their weekly requirement of blood, they begin to starve and would eventually die. Vampires are unable to eat solid foods, as their digestive system can only process a liquid diet.

    Vampire blood is vastly different from human and animal blood. It appears black in color compared to regular blood. If ingested by a human, it grants them increased strength, speed, regenerative properties and immortality. A human must continue to drink vampire blood once a month to feel the full benefits. Humans who subsists on vampire blood are called ghouls, and are blood bound to the vampire providing the blood.

    Abilities

    A vampire’s physical and mental abilities far exceed those of a human being. Vampires possess impressive physical strength, with the average vampire being 3 to 5 times stronger than a human. Their speed allows them to run at a max speed of 25 to 30 miles per hour and leap at least 10 feet into the air. Their bodies are greatly resistant to damage, shrugging off injuries that would kill a normal human, with the wound only slowing them down. Injuries they receive recover quickly, taking less time than it would for humans, and can even regenerate lost body parts, a process which is sped up by the consumption of blood.

    A vampire’s nervous system is also greater than a human’s; their hearing, touch and sense of smell gain heightened sensitivity. Their enhanced eyesight enables them to see even in total darkness. Their senses are so great they can even tell the emotional sate of a person through smell alone. Vampires can also process information much quicker and more efficiently than humans can.

    Vampires possess extreme longevity; they physically age slower than humans. Purebloods will age normally until adulthood, at which point their bodies start aging slower, while turnbloods maintain the physical form they had upon conversion, though they too age slower.

    A few vampires do develop additional abilities that go beyond the natural abilities common in the species. These extra abilities typically manifest as psychic abilities related to the vampire's personality quirks. For example, a human who was very sensitive to other people’s moods might develop the vampire ability to read thoughts or influence emotions. A human who had some limited precognition might develop into a vampire with a strong ability to see the future. A human with a good instinct for hunting might develop powerful tracking abilities. Vampires with special abilities are rare in proportion to the number of normal vampires, and they have inspired many vampire myths, such as shapeshifting, mind control and turning into mist (a common trait in eastern vampires).

    Weaknesses

    Though powerful and durable predators, vampires are still far from immortal. Despite their superior physical status, they are still vulnerable to damage or modifications made to their mucous membranes, such as nostrils, eyes, ears, and lips. Generally a vampire will die if it suffers massive trauma that proves fatal before its innate healing ability can stabilize its condition. The most damage that can be inflicted to a vampire usually comes from other vampires, as they have the physical strength and natural weapons that can deal heavy damage to a vampire. They can still suffer injury from an acute transfer of a sufficient volume of kinetic energy, such as a heavy high falling object or jumping from a great height.

    Vampires are sensitive to all light, particularly newborns, though they become more resistant to it over time. Ultraviolet light, particularly sunlight, is harmful to vampires but they suffer no immediate effects from exposure to direct sunlight. For healthy vampires, the sun serves only as a mild irritant to them which they can counteract by wearing sunglasses and staying in the shade. Prolonged exposure to sunlight however can cause severe exhaustion, loss of strength, and dehydration. They are also vulnerable to fire and silver.

    Society

    Vampire society is governed by an absolute monarchy. At the top of the social hierarchy is the royal family, the Tepes Family, who is directly descended from the first vampire ruler known as the Sacred Ancestor, the son of the Firstborn. The ruler of all vampires is always a queen, who in turn always gives birth to daughters who will take the throne after her. The bloodline of the royal family possesses incredible powers and the queen has almost divine influence over all vampires, born or turned, through the connection they all share through their blood (think AOT with the Founding Titan and the "Paths" that connect all Eldians. It's sort of like that).

    Under the royal family are the noble pureblood houses, vampiric families with many generations of history. These families are descended from the oldest and most powerful vampires in history and many bloodlines possess unique powers inherited from their ancestor. The heads of these families form the Vampire Council that governs the vampire world and forms and maintains the laws of their race.

    Below them are the common vampires that consist mostly of human turned vampires. Common vampires are either solitary or form groups called covens, which usually consist of a single sire and his progeny.

    Vampires are divided into two socio-biological categories; Pureblood and Turnblood. Purebloods are born as vampires, the offspring of two people who are already vampires; this happens very rarely. They compose the upper class of nobles who often have high positions in the royal court, but are restricted by tradition and codes of conduct when it comes to dealing with each other. Turnbloods are humans who have been turned into vampires, and are often treated as second-class citizens in vampire society. While all vampires are capable of having offspring both through reproduction and turning, the birth-rate between mating vampires is so low that it is practically non-existent. Even after many centuries, they may only have one or two children.

    Dhampir

    Dhampirs are the hybrid children of a vampire and a human. Dhampirs have both vampire and human traits. They are much stronger and faster than humans, with sharper senses, but not as strong, fast, or sharp as a pure vampire. They can eat solid food, but generally find blood more appealing. Dhampirs also inherent their vampiric parent’s longevity, but they do not live as long as vampires. In vampire society, dhampirs are treated by purebloods as “impure” and are treated with great disdain. Many humans also treat them the same way, though this is not universal.

    History

    The origins of the vampire race are unknown, although they have existed for as long as humanity has existed. According to vampire mythology, the vampire race was created by Nyx, the goddess of darkness, to be the antithesis to humans, the children of Hemera, goddess of light.

    In the beginning, two sister goddesses, Nyx and Hemera, created the sun and moon, the world, and the flora and fauna that inhabit it. Hemera than created the first humans out of clay and breathed life into them. These humans worshipped Hemera as their mother and relished the warm light she bestowed upon them.

    But Nyx was jealous of her sister and though she sought the favor of the humans, they feared her darkness for many predators used the cover of night to hunt them. Enraged, Nyx decided to create her own children, who would be superior to humans in every way. She cut her wrist and from her blood she fashioned the first vampire, Lilith, who was made in her image. She gifted Lilith with superior strength, speed and senses in order to hunt her prey. She gave her teeth and claws to rip through flesh for the sweet blood that sustained her hunger. An she gifted Lilith the ability to create more of her kind not just through reproduction but also infection, spreading her dark gift amongst the humans like a plague.

    As the goddesses left their new world and their creations, humans and vampires fought each other in a constant battle for dominance, a never-ending shift between predator and prey that continues on to this day.

    There have been many debates about whether this legend is true, but the existence of Lilith was confirmed with the appearance of one powerful vampire--the Sacred Ancestor.

    In a time when human civilization was young and vampires were divided into several clans and families, a single vampire arose to unite his species under one rule. He was called the Sacred Ancestor, though some ancient vampires know him as Dracula (not Vlad Dracula, though the man did take his family name from him). The Sacred Ancestor was an immensely powerful vampire who was said to be the son of Lilith herself, and his influence quickly grew to encompass vampires all over the world, no matter their location or culture. He set up a hierarchy with his family at the top and set about cementing his rule by taking multiple wives.

    The Sacred Ancestor had a hundred children--ninety-nine sons and one daughter. Looking upon his daughter, he declared that she shall inherit his throne, and from this day forth all her children shall be daughters and her children's children shall be daughters, and so on. He saw this as a sign from Nyx that Lilith's blood will remain strong through the female line of his family and gifted the throne to his daughter before vanishing from the world entirely.
     
  2. DK3654

    DK3654 Almost a Productive Member of Society Contributor

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    Ok. So, as someone writing a story with vampires myself (though not as centrally as it seems in this story), the biggest thing that stands out here is that nothing stands out.
    The vampire subgenre is very popular, but also consequently, overcrowded, and there's a lot of rather...mediocre works amongst it. If you want yours to be noticed, you're going to need a clear pitch that gets people attention and interest. That's not to say what you've got isn't interesting or good, or that you need to reinvent the wheel—subtlety and detail can potentially carry a story, but no one's going to know that if they don't have something to draw them in in the first place and get them reading for long enough to get into your particular style and whatever interesting twists you've got. And it can't hurt to add a little spice to your story just overall.
    So what's your pitch? What's the hook?
     
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  3. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    It's as I described briefly. Nyx is an anthology series that focuses on different characters, human and vampire, in different points in history. The series takes place in a fantasy world where humans and vampires coexist, and each book focuses on different main characters. One book can take place in a pre-industrial era while another takes place in the modern era, like that. My aim is to tell the stories of humans and vampires in a world where they're pretty much forced to live alongside one another. This thread is just showing what kind of vampires will be in the story, an overview of the species. This is my first vampire story that I'm writing, so I'm just testing the waters with this genre really. I'm more experienced in writing straight up fantasy, but I thought I'd give it a try.
     
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  4. Naomasa298

    Naomasa298 HP: 10/190 Status: Confused Contributor

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    I'd have to agree with DK3654 - the setting reminds me of any number of anime settings, such as Trinity Blood, Owari no Seraph and so on. It doesn't stand out, but that's not important. The important thing is how well you execute the stories in your setting.
     
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  5. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    Exactly. Thanks. And yes, I have been reading a lot of Vampire Hunter D and Dance in the Vampire Bund lately. I should get around to watching Seraph of the End. It looks cool.
     
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  6. Room with a view

    Room with a view Senior Member

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    I have a vampire/slayer thing in the pipeline that I'll probably get going for 2023 so you've peaked my interest. I've also got a retelling of Dracula lined up. Good luck with it, it sounds good.
     
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  7. Naomasa298

    Naomasa298 HP: 10/190 Status: Confused Contributor

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    I'm definitely more of a "walking corpse" vampire fan a la Stephen King's Salem's Lot, rather than the intelligent, gothic vampires of Anne Rice or Twilight. I don't do vampire fiction myself, although my one and only vampire story is in the horror subforum.
     
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  8. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    Ooh, a Dracula retelling. I'm guessing it's going to be your version of the story?
     
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  9. Room with a view

    Room with a view Senior Member

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    Completely.
    Goin be a trip!
     
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  10. Cdn Writer

    Cdn Writer Contributor Contributor

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    "One major difference is that vampires have a lower average body temperature than humans, thus making it possible to spot vampires in a crowd using an infrared camera."

    This ability would be an asset for vampires in the past, before humans advanced technologically.

    This sounds fascinating.....there's another writer in here that posted a thread, "is this idea too weird?" and had a take on a vampire story. If I can find it, I'll post it.

    EDIT: https://www.writingforums.org/threads/need-for-feedback-is-this-idea-too-weird.165029/

    One thing I like is that you have your vampires and humans co-existing besides each other for centuries. This means they have to have some mutual system of governance, shared laws, do business with each other, intermingle....you mentioned the mating process. I would *LOVE* to read about some of these aspects of your society. For example:

    1700 - vampires serve on pirate ships, in mercernary armies

    1800 - vampires work alongside humans to conquer the wild western frontier (for example)

    1900 - vampires and humans co-exist to develop society....what business(es) can vampires run? If there's a restaurant run by a vampire which caters to vampires, what does it serve - ohhh!!! what about bloody Mary inspired drinks from exotic animals like alligators or dinosaurs - if vampires have been around for so long, maybe they have wine cellars with rare vintages!

    What types of jobs did vampires hold? I assume their strengths made them desirable as guards, trackers, etc for human kings and queens that could buy their loyalty? What about humans that had a taste for a specific dish which only a vampire knew how to prepare? Medical science? Science in general? What career would a vampire be more successful in than a human - miner? chef? army general? beggar (think like as a spy and collecting information)?
     
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  11. BearOfTheNorth

    BearOfTheNorth Member

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    As the vampire genre is so heavily oversaturated, it can be incredibly difficult to come up with original ideas. As a lot of people have said here, you may need to find that unique hook. However please don't let that deter you because I have some great news, I'm a HUGE vampire fan and I won't be the only one. I gladly read/watch pretty much anything to do with vampires, they are eternally cool and have existed in folklore for centuries. There are always going to be people who love them.

    Yes it probably may be good to bring something fresh to the table but as long as your story is well written they are going to be who can't wait to sink their teeth into it......I can't wait to read it. I hope I get to read a draft on here soon. Excited!! :D
     
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  12. DK3654

    DK3654 Almost a Productive Member of Society Contributor

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    In line with what Cdn Writer said, I would really focus on the effects of an integrated society with humans and vampires. How integrated are they? How do different groups within both the human and vampire population feel about integration? Are there notable factions who favour more or less integration? How does integration vary across regions, and with the anthology context, across time? How has it affected historical events? What issues, laws, businesses, technology are there surrounding vampires and their place in society?

    Another thing is that if you are going to be dealing with a society with humans and vampires in it, you're going to have to be mindful of how this will compare to real-world racial, gender, religious and sexual divides and the particular stereotypes and prejudicial notions of all those groups. Don't follow JK Rowling's lead, intentionally or not, in making her goblins antisemitic caricatures, for instance. Be mindful of how the differences between humans and vampires could serve to give some sense of legitimacy to 'race realist' ideas about inherent racial differences. Especially how if you make vampires inherently more evil or dangerous in some way, it could serve as an uncomfortable parallel to the fearmongering that advocates that exact idea about real groups, unless you work to distance it from that.
     
  13. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Just a very practical view here, from somebody who isn't a fan of vampire stories ...especially the modern ones where the vampires seem to happily co-exist with humans. Because ...why would humans WANT to co-exist with vampires? Vampires want to drink our blood—to the extent that we often die. Or become like them. Erm. I don't think so. Our own existence is dependent on them deciding they don't want to drink our blood after all—or deciding that they want to keep enough of us alive so they can feed?

    Sorry, but I can only see them and us as predator/prey.

    Why would the prey agree to this arrangement in any way? If a prey species can find a way to eliminate the predator, I'm sure they would. If they can't ...well, I certainly can't see the prey enjoying the relationship. If vampires are too numerous and powerful to defeat, then humans would become 'the hunted' and our behaviour would reflect that mindset. Like any prey species, our behaviour would be focused on not getting eaten or caught and 'farmed.'
     
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  14. marshipan

    marshipan Contributor Contributor

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    Jannert, that reminds me of a long running urban fantasy series where vampires are known and hated. Anita Blake Vampire Hunter. There's all these laws constantly changing on how to legally kill vampires since the vampires managed to get certain rights within the law. The government employs specific special force humans to eliminate any that have broke the law at all (the employees/marshalls are glorified bounty hunters with a badge to kill pretty much any supernatural they deem necessary to end).

    The power struggle between the races is real. There's not enough vampires to completely over power humans and the vampires are too organized and powerful to get rid of.


    There's a manga I'm reminded of too but it's less relatable here. Blood Bank. It takes place after a virus starts killing off the human population. Vampires rise up and take over, employing humans to do all the menial tasks. It's yaoi but it's got a long, quality plot.
     
  15. cosmic lights

    cosmic lights Contributor Contributor

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    Hi, as someone not into vampire stuff I may not be the best person to answer this question so ignore at will.

    But reading through what you have it didn't seem very catchy, just another take on an all ready over written about fantasy creature. (over written may not be the right word but it's 1am and I can't remember the word I'm looking for) It was a bit predictable and sort of what I normally see when reading vampire ideas from others. Of course, you don't have to play the 'my vampires as revamped' because many like the traditional Dracula vampires. Other things such as the character's journeys can hook people and be catchy.
     
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  16. Cdn Writer

    Cdn Writer Contributor Contributor

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    I think you'd be surprised at how many people would be willing to trade *some* blood in exchange for security that an alpha predator could provide them with. Realistically if you had a settlement of 1,000 humans and they all gave up one drop of blood a day to a vampire in exchange for protection from the "things that go bump in the night" - I'm pretty sure they would all be ok with it.

    Or instead of protection from the vampire, they somehow gained abilities from donating blood. Maybe they acquired limited mind reading ability for example - that would help a lot in diplomatic negotiations or bartering with shopkeepers.
     
  17. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    Well, yes, if there was a trade-off that wasn't "I'm going to drink your blood whether you like it or not," there would be an incentive to co-exist. Good idea for a story.
     
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  18. ruskaya

    ruskaya Contributor Contributor

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    As a premise, I don't read much vampire stories. With that said, I find your system/world to work, but it does remind me of a lot of things I already read. I imagine vampires don't overpower humans because they have difficulty in reproducing (is it a problem for the hybrids as well? Do they go berserk?) and need lots of humans as food supply. Again, it works but it seems a bit bland. I hope you don't get offended if I say it so bluntly. However, the fact that they co-exist for so long creates a lot of possibilities about the relationship between vampires and humans, but you haven't spelled those out here, so I am not sure where the stories go. It gets interesting when you add all that mythology at the end. Mixing vampires/supernatural and myth is the part that is appealing for me and makes me curious. It seems like your series has a lot of potential.
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2020
  19. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    Thanks, I'm still working out the details but I'm getting more confident in where I want the story to go. And yes, vampires can reproduce but because they're such a long-lived species, they have trouble birthing purebloods. Infection is a common method of reproduction, but it's only useful when the victim is near death, a state where the body's immune system is too weak to fight off the virus. Hybrids are more human than vampire; they possess half the physical abilities of a vampire and none of the weaknesses, and though they require blood to remain healthy they can still eat human food.

    As for human/vampire coexistence, for the most part it's more in a manner of the inherent conflicts between predator and prey being a stalemate that's going nowhere and many people on both sides are just sick of it. Some countries do still hunt vampires, and even in countries that accept them there are plenty of anti-vampire groups or vigilante hate groups running around too. You'll have human donors who do willingly give their blood, and some vampires who still attack humans regardless of the legality of it. The books will take place in time periods where vampires were still openly hunted and in ancient times where vampire clans or noble families ruled over large swaths of human lands like feudal lords and ladies. There are good, bad and neutral vampires, just like humans, but ultimately they're predators who can fuck you up if they get serious. I'm doing my best to avoid the modern pitfalls that the genre had fallen into in regards to romance and making my vamps less "Twilight" and more "American Vampire". Less sexy "True Blood" and pretty "Twilight" and more in line with predators in human skin. Not inherently evil but dangerous all the same.

    I had fun writing down the mythology behind them. In Nyx, humans and vampires are basically children of sister goddesses, two sides of the same coin whether they like it or not. I didn't want my vampires to be some kind of biological condition and make it too scientific. I've never been one for that either. I'm posting Nyx on Royal Road, and I already have the first book out--The Demon Princess. So far it's doing pretty good.
     
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  20. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    Dude, I love Anita Blake. I'm still reading the books, and it's one of my favorite contemporary fantasy series I've read. A bit too much sex in later books but still love it.
     
  21. marshipan

    marshipan Contributor Contributor

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    I used to love it but the most recent ones I find almost unreadable. I mean there are just pages and pages of useless conversations and internal dialogue and then more and more complicated relationships added until there is no room for the actual urban fantasy plot! Agh. Really a shame because I was fully committed to reading those forever. Also, I agree that the sex gets ridiculous.
     
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  22. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    Well I'm sure as hell not relating anything in the books to the shitstorm of modern society. I'm staying away from that. The books focus on different characters and human/vampire relations are in the background setting. My first book takes place in a time where vampires are openly hunted but vampire hunters are coming under scrutiny for their unregulated and public fights against vampires that sometimes lead to civilian casualties. The world is going through its own industrial revolution and having a loosely organized band of hunters running around with weapons and powers isn't as excepted as it was in the past. Long story short, these issues will be addressed over the span of the story, but it won't be the focus unless the characters are directly facing such challenges.
     
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  23. Fervidor

    Fervidor Senior Member

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    I have to say, it seems really counter-intuitive that a bloodborne pathogen would require the victim to have as little blood as possible in their system.
     
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  24. Akira44

    Akira44 New Member

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    I didn't explain it clearly, the victim must be in a state of near death for the virus to work. Vampires typically do this by draining a person, though there can be other ways too. This is because the vampire virus is actually pretty weak and the immune system can easily fight it off. The body must be weak enough for the virus to take effect without any resistance.
     
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  25. Cdn Writer

    Cdn Writer Contributor Contributor

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    Ha...your vampire virus kind of reminds me of what people say about the HIV virus. For something that is considered so weak, it does a LOT of damage to people.
     

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