Hi, I'm making a romance / suspense novel pitch. They want a one page synopsis of the novel. Anyone care to critique it or provide some advice on what should be in a good synopsis? Thanks everyone. Love can begin anywhere, even in a carjacking. Jimmy the Quitter is fleeing vengeful detectives who are convinced he attempted to execute a San Francisco police officer. In rural Iowa, Jenny the Fix’s father dies suddenly, leaving her a farm she can’t afford, oats she can’t harvest, and a herd of retired horses she can’t abandon. With Tanner, Oat City’s hog baron trying to force her off the farm and into foster care, she escapes in her dad’s battered truck. When Jimmy tries to steal it at gunpoint, Jenny takes him out with a manure shovel. What better backdrop for a romance? The story begins long after Jimmy’s headache has faded, with Jimmy visiting his Grandma’s deathbed, walking a gauntlet of family and neighbors who are holding vigil beside her bed. They hold him responsible for his Grandma’s decline. Grandma revives at the sound of his voice and demands to know where he’s been, so Jimmy begins telling the story of the love of his life. Initially furious, the Crowd’s fascination grows as he describes how his absent months have been spent: arguing with Jenny, working by her side, barely keeping the farm from collapse. He can’t hide his admiration as he describes how Jenny took on Tanner. He can’t hide his sorrow as he describes learning of Grandma’s illness, and how leaving would have cast Jenny into chaos. He can’t hide his affection when he explains how, on the brink of disaster, Jenny raised the money to save the farm, and send him back to San Francisco. But Grandma is wise, and she sees through Jenny’s lies. Jenny hadn’t raised the money. She hadn’t saved the farm. She’d given Jimmy her last few dollars, knowing this would force her into foster care. She had sacrificed herself to pay for a one-way ticket that gave Jimmy the one chance she’d been denied when her father died: the chance to say goodbye. When Grandma announces that she wants one last great adventure, every member of Jimmy’s family and neighborhood begin the trip to Iowa with a single goal: to bring the harvest in and save Jenny the Fix. Infamous lawyer Frank the Tank, a onetime foster-child of Grandma, bursts into Oat City’s Courtroom just as Jenny is about to lose the farm. With Jimmy beside him, the lawyer persuades the court to give two weeks grace, time to bring in the harvest and repay the crop-loan that’s crippling the farm. All seems lost when, with only three days to go Jimmy is arrested. Jenny confronts him, furious and heartbroken when she learns of the terrible crime he is accused of. With foreclosure looming, Frank the Tank learns that Jimmy’s supposed victim has woken from a four-month coma. With the national media reporting every word, the cop testifies that Jimmy was not the executioner, but a white knight. Every farmer within a hundred miles of City of Oat City rallies to Jenny’s cause. With a dash of sabotage, a sprinkle of ingenuity, and an unexpected visit by Bill and Melinda Gates, the farm is saved. It’s happily ever after for Jimmy the Quitter and Jenny the Fix.
I'm not great at writing, but maybe put why she died or how she came revived by his voice? And you could explain more about Bill and Melinda Gates since we don't know if they're a relative of Jimmy or not.
Hey, that's pretty good. Got me interested to read it to see if the sense of humor and cast of oddball characters translates into the text. You should know that I suck at synopses, and I have no idea what agents/editors want to see specifically (and whether this would work for them or not), but if your goal is entice somebody to read the manuscript, you got me pretty easily. I'm a little confused about your repeated use of "foster care" though. Foster care is for minors that don't have a permanent/or stable legal guardian, so Jenny is either a legal adult or she is not. Not sure how old she is, but the context of the story would seem to suggest she's at least 18, which would obviate the possibility of foster care. You mentioned Grandma would need foster care, too, but I'm assuming that would mean having to live in a nursing home, which would fall more technically under "assisted living." It's just when you say "foster care" in the US, we think of kids from broken homes with addled/incarcerated parents.
It's possible for some minors to get emancipated before the age of 18, but I don't know if that would fit the plot, and that would probably require Jimmy the Quitter to be a minor as well (I wouldn't put a romantic relationship in any book between a minor and non-minor, even if Jimmy were 18 and Jenny were 17 and it were technically legal). Another possibility is that if Jenny can't maintain the farm, it can be seized (to Tanner's delight), and the livestock auctioned if they appear to be in neglect. I don't know how realistic that is or if it would fit the plot.
Even if Jenny takes perfect care of the animals you could still have Tanner get one of his buddies at the USDA do a surprise inspection saying "There are no records of these animals getting their shots and that tractor isn't registered and... If these violations aren't remedied in 10 days we're taking over this farm, blah blah blah."
Got it. Should be fine... it was just a thing I noticed. The zaniness of the story will do plenty of work for you in the suspension of disbelief department.
