I've had an idea for a story for two years that I've been working on and I'm realizing now that there's just too many characters, points of view and plot twists to do any sort of outlining for it, and that's what I've been doing for the last two years - just outlining for four hours a day and then attempting a first draft and getting to 10,000-15,000 words and then scrapping it and going back to outlining and the cycle of never getting anything done. I have all the main characters in my head and I know what their personalities are and I know what their plot twists and functions are in the story. But with all of these different things that I want to put into the story like different themes, points of view, and plot it seems impossible - and believe me I've tried - to outline all of these things into some vague two-or-three page paper and then thinking it's just magically going to be brilliant and coherent and everything I wanted it to be, without even having written it. If this were a simple story, I know I could do an outline. But, and I know this is probably a novice mistake, I want to make an epic and I'm already too many years invested into it and with the characters to just scrap it and do something else for practice. I read a quote today that read something like this, "When you ask for advice, you already know the answer but just don't want to believe it." I know I'm here asking for advice and I do think I already know the answer - that I just have to write it and not care about the first draft (which is my biggest problem). And I know it's going to be shitty and not exactly how I want it. But, just to alleviate some of my fears just how sh!tty is a first draft supposed to be?