1. Awz

    Awz Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2016
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Utah

    Leaving the children behind? For the parents.

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Awz, Jul 2, 2017.

    I've started the sequel to my WIP, which is currently in the hands of several beta readers. The sequel takes place approximately ten years later. My main character has a four-year-old. Not wanting to lead his son into the danger he himself is going to, he leaves his son with a trusted friend while he and his wife "save the world". They'll be gone for six months to a year.
    I don't have children myself, lots of nieces and nephews though. A child this young, with parents being gone for so long, would his son remember the parents when they returned? How well? How much would he understand of their leaving? Would he be likely to think they left because of something that he (the son) had done?
    A lot of questions I know. I also know that trying to understand a four-year-old is futile, but I have little experience with kids.

    Thanks
     
  2. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2015
    Messages:
    17,922
    Likes Received:
    27,173
    Location:
    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    This is a 50/50. It depends on how long they will be gone for.
    A year, they would likely remember them. Beyond that IDK.

    I don't have any chillins my self, but half a dozen nieces. :)
     
  3. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    Random thought: During World War II, a lot of London kids were sent to the country, away from their parents. I'm betting that a fair amount has been written about that; that might provide some inspiration.
     
    Awz and Cave Troll like this.
  4. Kalisto

    Kalisto Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2015
    Messages:
    975
    Likes Received:
    995
    I watched children as daycare worker, many of them within the age of 4-5 years old. I quit to go overseas and returned 18 months later, because the boss was a good friend of mine. They remember you.
     
    Awz likes this.
  5. Stormsong07

    Stormsong07 Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2017
    Messages:
    1,079
    Likes Received:
    1,724
    Location:
    Texas
    By 4, they have a fairly well-developed personality, and have formed lasting bonds with Mom and Dad, assuming Mom and Dad have consistently been there for them. They'll be speaking in full sentences. Might have some mis-pronounced words, but by 4, they're pretty smart and self-aware. I'd say they'd definitely remember their parents. And when the parents did get home, they'd latch on to them like a lemming and would want to be with them all the time, at least at first.
    Source: my 5 year old son. :)
     
    Fernando.C and Awz like this.
  6. Awz

    Awz Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2016
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Utah
    Thanks. Some seriously helpful info here.
     
  7. Mckk

    Mckk Member Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2010
    Messages:
    6,541
    Likes Received:
    4,776
    Gosh, I can't imagine leaving my kid for a whole year. I left my 2 year old tonight for just 2 hours, but she's a little ill and so she was missing me, and daddy called me on a video call. Just seeing my little girl all teary-eyed on the screen was enough to send me running home. (just to find out she's fallen asleep in the 10min it took me to walk home!)

    Anyway, 4 year old - he'll remember. I mean, my nephews remember me and I see them like 3 times a year, and one of them is 2.5 lol. So I'd safely bet a 4yo is gonna remember his own parents, and yes, latch onto them like a koala :) I think I still remember some of my teachers from nursery and I'm gonna be 30 soon lol.
     
  8. Laurin Kelly

    Laurin Kelly Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2016
    Messages:
    2,521
    Likes Received:
    4,054
    Both sets of grandparents only saw our daughter 1-2 times a year when she was growing up due to lack of physical proximity. By 4 years old she definitely remembered them from visit to visit - I would say the instant recognition started around 2 years old or so.
     
  9. Seraph751

    Seraph751 If I fell down the rabbit hole... Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2016
    Messages:
    640
    Likes Received:
    444
    Location:
    Texas
    I think that depends personally. I have kiddos myself and it surprises me what that actually do remember. The big thing is that they chose to verbally express it. We remember a lot, but the verbalization of it is not always there. From a personal point of view I remember seeing my baby bro right after he was born at the hospital. I was three at the time. So big events positive or negative have a higher chance of being remembered. What will come in handy for this on where you want to go is the emphasis or lack thereof of the impact it left.
     
  10. greydaysgirl

    greydaysgirl New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2017
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Currently Reading::
    White Smoke by Tiffany D. Jackson
    At 4 they would definitely remember. They don't have a concept of time, but they have a concept of how much they care for a person in their life. If it's their parents they will have a very hard time adjusting.
    I would visit my friends daughter every other month from 3 years old till 5, at 3 she didn't quite get it, but from 4 on she would always ask me "how many sleeps before I see you?" - it always broke my heart.
     
  11. Ettina

    Ettina Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2011
    Messages:
    515
    Likes Received:
    55
    He'll remember his parents, but won't act the same around them. His whole relationship with them will be very different.

    How much he understands depends on what he's been told. A lot of people try to 'protect' kids by not explaining situations like this, which winds up causing all sorts of problems based on how the kid tries to explain it himself. Which absolutely could involve blaming himself. On the other hand, if he was given age-appropriate honest explanations of what was going on, he could have a reasonably accurate idea of why parents left. "Mommy and Daddy need to save the world" is totally something a 4 year old could grasp.

    Keep in mind that this could be pretty traumatic to the kid - especially if they weren't honest and open about it. The kid could be clingy or distant or be more friendly to the friend better than his parents at first. He might be terrified of anything that could mean they need to leave him again.

    Also, for a kid that age, 6 months to a year is a very long time, and he'll be noticeably taller, older and more advanced when they come back. It'll probably be a bit of an adjustment to the parents, especially if they didn't get good updates.
     
    Awz likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice