1. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    Lengthy intro to a diary vs. a concise approach?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Alesia, Jan 7, 2014.

    https://www.writingforums.org/threads/rain-when-i-die-ch-01-890-words-pg-13-language.129802/

    This is a link to chapter one of my latest MS (the latest revision is toward the bottom of the page.) Because the crux of the story line is the contents of Alesia's diary, showing her emotional decline and eventual suicide, how much should I be putting into the opening narrative (told from her older sister's POV)? The point of the opening is to give a brief intro to the MC, and tell the story of how she died to give the reader an initial connection to the MC e.g. "who is this person and why should I care what's in her diary?" I'm just wondering if you all think I should cut it down from 3-4 chapters, make things a bit more concise, and save some of this info (like the fact she has just been diagnosed HIV positive) for later on.
     
  2. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    it's a bother to have to go to another page in order to reply here, alesia...

    would be best if you post what you want us to deal with in this thread...
     
  3. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    I didn't post the whole thing because the last time I posed a question with a full chapter excerpt, the mods saw fit to move it to the workshop because it was too lengthy for just a simple question.
     
  4. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Offsite links for critique are also a no-no.
     
  5. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    It's not offsite - the link is to a thread currently posted in the workshop.
     
  6. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    oops. Sorry about that, Chief.
     
  7. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    why are you asking for feedback in this section, then, instead of in the one where the material is posted?
     

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