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  1. B.G. Dobbins

    B.G. Dobbins Member

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    Logline Help

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by B.G. Dobbins, Oct 15, 2016.

    I recently tried describing what I want my newest story to be about. I had the general idea, characters, and conflict in mind, but when I went on to describe the story, it turned into several paragraphs of backstory and a paragraph vaguely describing some conflict in the story. I was advised to write a logline for the story to work out what this story--not backstory--is really about. Below is my first real attempt. I'm hoping to get some feedback in terms of how I can improve it and does it catch your interest. Thank you, and I hope this is the right section to post this.

    An apprentice slayer must stumble through a chaotic web of vampire politics after her twin brother goes missing during the rise of apparent vampire attacks in rural North Carolina.
     
  2. izzybot

    izzybot Human Disaster Contributor

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    What jumps out at me is the lack of names for the mc or her brother.
     
  3. B.G. Dobbins

    B.G. Dobbins Member

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    Loglines generally don't have names, because they won't mean anything to the listener/reader yet. The purpose is to be as brief as possible and names are usually a waste of words.
     
  4. MusingWordsmith

    MusingWordsmith Active Member

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    I think it sounds good! I have the same tendency of rambling about backstory but not much on the present actual book, but I'm learning. I saw something that challenged to basically do an intentionally bad logline and so I did. Now it kinda stuck, but I think it did help a lot being able to sum up in one sentence the essential plot of the book.
     
    B.G. Dobbins likes this.
  5. BayView

    BayView Contributing Member Contributor

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    I think you might want a bit more about "the rise of apparent vampire attacks" part. I'm not sure what that "more" should be as I don't know your story, but that part seemed a bit flat, to me.

    (then again, I don't really understand loglines, so maybe this is perfect as is)
     
  6. big soft moose

    big soft moose Contributing Member

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    sounds like Buffy meets True Blood ... i knoe everything is a cliche etc (per my signature) but Imo unless its flanflic the whole vampire/slayer thing is getting very tired after buffy/angel/true blood/twilight/underwear etc
     

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