Loneliness & More Loneliness

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by tbeverley, Jun 27, 2009.

  1. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    after more than a half century spent tending to kids, husbands and lovers, like garbo, i prefer being 'alone'... which, to me, is never 'lonely'...
     
  2. Torana

    Torana Contributor Contributor

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    I don't know if I ever felt truly lonely when I was with the biological father of my children, just miserable and isolated and missed my friends and family. I had my children, and so there is no way I could feel lonely.

    Now when I am on my own, which is extremely rare mind you, I absolutely love it! Though I'm not truly alone anymore as I am pregnant... so I'm never alone or lonely. I always have people who love me with me. Even when I am on my own (and not pregnant) I'm never really lovenly, because I know that my friends and family still love and care about me and will always be there for me. Even if I've not spoken to most of my friends in... a very long time! :) They know I'm here and I know that they are there!
     
  3. Atarxia

    Atarxia New Member

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    Sometimes, but I don't consider such feeling a bad thing. It just means that you need to go see friends and maybe fresh faces.
     
  4. starseed

    starseed New Member

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    I agree with the first part of what you said but disagree with this. Nothing has ever connected people all over the world, throughout all of human history, more than the internet. If it wasn't for the internet I wouldn't have any of the friends I have, good friends, real friends who I was able to connect with because the internet allows you to easily find people with similar interests (take forums like this one for example). I think the internet is truly the greatest invention of all time. There have been times when reaching out to random strangers on the net was all that kept me from committing suicide. God bless it! :)
     
  5. starseed

    starseed New Member

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    I was just thinking about this. I am more lonely when I am around people (aside from my best friends) than when I'm alone. Being around people usually is a reminder of the fact that I don't fit in and CHOOSE to be a loner.
     
  6. ChaseRoberts

    ChaseRoberts New Member

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    I can only think of one book, in the history of all the books I've ever read, where the main character sits in his flat for the whole weekend, and doesn't interact with people face to face for the majority of the book.

    For me, it's the face to face, it's the feel of someone else standing next to you, a silent bond that lets you know you are not stood there alone. I have it with my best friend (who sadly moved 100 miles away). We could both be sat on opposite couches, reading books, not speaking, and I'd just feel Not Alone. It's perhaps like in the Philip Pullman books with the daemons. It's a special kind of bond.

    And of course in romance, it's even more special. How can you possibly know someone through copper and wires, through plastic and glass? The excitement, and closeness, it's seen through a sideways glance, the briefest brush of hand against hand, the funny feeling in the pit of your stomach when they smile at you...

    You can be as emotionally connected as you wish, but if we were meant to communicate soley through the mediums of computer and phone, God wouldn't have bothered to give us bodies in the first place. It's a chemical/hormonal fact: we need the physical closeness of a human being as well.

    And that's what makes me lonely. I do sometimes just spend hours wandering Tesco, feeling people brush past me, hearing their voices as they chat amongst themselves. In fact, the 2005 film Crash got it right about the need for physical contact.

    This is, of course, just my personal opinion. The world would be a very boring place if we all agreed on things. ;)
     
  7. tbeverley

    tbeverley New Member

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    I think it's definitely modern culture. In the past, there were places for people to congregate. Cafes especially.

    Nowadays, bars are the closest thing. Or clubs. But somehow those are too obnoxious for the general populace. We need some nice quiet places to gather.

    Bars and Discos are all we have for crowds.

    We need cafes again.
     
  8. Henry The Purple

    Henry The Purple Active Member

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    This holds true of me. I'm a natural loner...I still socialise when I need to and have a few close, lifelong friends...but I don't ever experience 'loneliness' unless I'm amongst bad company.
     
  9. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    one more thought on the subject...

    writing is a solitary occupation, so i suspect most writers do prefer being alone and don't feel lonely, since they always have the company of their creations...
     
  10. starseed

    starseed New Member

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    I agree about ROMANCE.. I didn't mean romance though. I'm not personally looking for that, and for me, I don't really have "physical closeness" with any of my friends anyway, it's all discussions/communication. I totally agree about the chemistry of needing to be around someone in person for a romantic/sexual relationship though. If you are looking to find that, I can understand how being home alone might make you lonely..

    What makes you think there aren't cafes? *raises eyebrow*

    The concept of lonliness has always seemed so foreign to me. I mean, how can you be lonely when YOU are there? I'm very separated from the concept of "self" for some reason, so to me, experiencing this life as this person, starseed, is like "hanging out with her" all the time, rather than "being" her. That's pretty weird I know, lol. It's a separation from ego. I am not starseeds ego mind, I am the "big" mind that breathes life into all things, watching a person live their life. It's weird.
     
  11. Hsnodgrass

    Hsnodgrass New Member

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    Because touching yourself gets boring after a while. :D
     
  12. hiddennovelist

    hiddennovelist Contributor Contributor

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    I guess I'm the exception. I hate being alone...
     
  13. starseed

    starseed New Member

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    Speak for yourself? Bwahaha. ;)
     
  14. Carmina

    Carmina Contributor Contributor

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    I don't do well alone. I like being amongst people. I hate being home alone. The worst thing though...is when I feel lonely even when there are people around. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
     
  15. afinemess

    afinemess Active Member

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    My creativity peaks when I am alone, so I dont mind. I spent the first two and a half years of my marriage with my husband in different countries, and I learned so much about myself living with no friends or family near and depending solely on myself (and a telephone for communication with him:D). I was alone, and lonely at times, but I didnt mind it.
    Then again, I am a loner by nature.
     
  16. Arthur_Rimbaud

    Arthur_Rimbaud New Member

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    Does it matter?

    Every single person in this thread goes ignored. That's loneliness. But it's pointless to state so.

    My actions are pointless. And lonely.
     
  17. hiddennovelist

    hiddennovelist Contributor Contributor

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    :confused:

    I don't think that being ignored and being lonely are necessarily synonymous.
     
  18. starseed

    starseed New Member

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    I totally don't get it. :confused:
     
  19. Cheeno

    Cheeno Member

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    :rolleyes:
     
  20. hiddennovelist

    hiddennovelist Contributor Contributor

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    Glad I wasn't the only one confused...
     
  21. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    This thread is becoming a bit masturbatory.

    Loneliness, like all emotions, is a choice.

    We choose to fall into it, we choose to stay wrapped in it like a blanket, and we choose when it is time to take that blanket off.

    How we choose to leave that blanket behind may be simple or it may be complex. The price might be negligible, or it might be dear.

    Still, you can always choose.
     
  22. Carmina

    Carmina Contributor Contributor

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    Oooh...Wrey used one of my favorite words. Also...a word that reminds us that you can lots of fun while alone without being lonely. ;)
     
  23. hiddennovelist

    hiddennovelist Contributor Contributor

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    HAHA great way to put that, Wrey. :)

    This is very true. When I'm alone, it's easy for me to get lonely and just become a useless lump on the couch, but if I put a little effort into coming up with some way to keep myself occupied, then it's a lot easier to shake the lonely feeling.
     
  24. Ragnar

    Ragnar Member

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    Actually I think I feel more out of place than lonely, perhaps a combination. For some odd reason the idea that I belong in Japan has wormed it's way into my head and it ain't going nowhere. Something about the way I feel when I hear the language(Japanese)... enchanted. Oh well, guess I'll move to Japan sooner or later. Should be fun.
     
  25. Arthur_Rimbaud

    Arthur_Rimbaud New Member

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    Disregard it, I was incredibly intoxicated when I wrote it. :)
     

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