Hello. I'm looking for a verb to use instead of melt in this sentence? Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his love for Emma [his wife] was being melted in them. Any suggestions? How would you express the idea?
For one thing, the sentence is very awkwardly phrased. Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his love for his wife was melting away.
I think it's still hard to say what the best way to change it, because of what Naomasa298 said, the sentence is a little awkward. When you say 'in them' do you mean it is being transferred? If you just want to say that his love for his wife is disappearing, I'd consider using a different verb like 'fade' as in the love for his wife was fading. I'd probably be too dramatic with this, and emphasize that the wife's role in his life might be in danger, so take this with a huge grain of salt, like: Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his love for his wife was being usurped. Actually, I'd probably go overboard (this is like a toned down version): Sasha was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He stared into her deep blue eyes, feeling that his the love for his wife beginning to fade, usurped by an illegitimate queen.
Sasha was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. When he stared into her deep blue eyes, his love for his wife melted away. And the "feeling" is implied. That's one of the filler words that you want to write around if possible. I "feel" (haha) that the line works fine that way. I suppose you could argue that melting in someone's eyes is usually a good thing, and maybe that needs a different image. Something more violent. (?) Not necessarily though. When he stared into her deep blue eyes, his love for his wife seemed trite, a convenience of circumstance. (fits a paragraph with stature) When he stared into her deep blue eyes, his love for his wife burned away like a vapor. (fits a paragraph with imagery) When he stared into her deep blue eyes, his love for his wife was forgotten. (a simple statement that draws no attention to itself) When he stared into her deep blue eyes, his love for his wife dissipated. (a one-word solution, somewhat Poindexter though . . .) When he stared into her deep blue eyes, his love for his wife turned to rumor. (I like this one. Here's where I would stop. Of course, that's just me, and there's much better finishes.) There's a ton of them. Just make sure your structure leading into it is elegant, with no empty ballast. When you're trying to carry an image, you need lots of breathing room around it.
What state is the protagonist's marriage in? If things have been strained you could always say something really soppy, like: Looking into Sasha's deep blue eyes melted the frost life with Emma had left around his heart.
A marriage that's had its fair share of troubles and gone on the edge of the precipice, but they have just decided to work on it and give it another go.
