Men, please don't write women this way

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Lea`Brooks, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    And with every shake of her head, her assets wobbled from side to side...
     
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  2. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    I'm gonna create an alien race that never met humans. The dialogue will go like this:

    Alien: "Pardon me, but what is the difference between a human male and a female?"

    Captain Helen Chert: "I have boobs and can have babies. Lt. Copper here has neither. That's it."

    Lt. Heridon Copper: "Captain, are you gonna tell him about the social struggles between-"

    Captain Helen Chert: "Mr. Copper, don't make me teach this young alien here what happens when I knee you between your legs."

    Lt. Heridon Copper: <stiffens> "Yes, ma'am."
     
  3. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Hah!

    Well, I didn't identify the gender of the reader as such, although I offered the possibility the eyebrow-raiser and head-shaker would be a woman. Maybe next time I'll just stick to s/he - his/her - him/her so that gender neutral, pseudo-plural they won't confuse things too much.
     
  4. Phil Mitchell

    Phil Mitchell Contributing Member Contributor

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    The captain kicked him anyway, like stale eggs against a sledgehammer his mansack became liquid slime.

    Captain Helen Chert: STAY DOWN MAN DOG!!! DOWN!! LIKE THE BUH A BUH A BUH BEAST YOU ARE!!

    : THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!!

    Chert's mouth foamed as she made out with the alien in front of Copper, who died.
     
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  5. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Love the description.

    I'm imagining this crotch.
     
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  6. zoupskim

    zoupskim Contributing Member Contributor

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    "Human units are strange in their treatment of each other."

    "Still, we must speak their language, both verbally, as well as kinetically."

    "Agreed." *Kicks fellow alien in falopian hook* "Take that, female worm."

    "A-a-a-h-h, no." *Pretends to have genitals* "My genitals. The pain."
     
  7. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Captain Helen Chert: "Well, this is escalating quickly."
    Lt. Heridon Copper: "Hey, it's funny." <takes out a sledgehammer that has spikes and rusty nails adoring the metal end> "Here, everyone. Go to town on that alien."
    Alien: "WHYYY!?"
    Mishu Jerni: <bursts in> "I have come from the fantasy to remind everyone that just because I'm a female and an assassin, doesn't mean I need to be in a skimpy leather bikini. Anyone who puts me in that will die. Painfully."
    Kimberly Miggs: <enters> "I am from this idiot's General Mysteries. If he so much as thinks about painting me as some weakling, or a sex icon, I will go Lizzie Borden on him."
    Mishu Jerni: "Wait, didn't she kill her parents or something?"
    Kimberly Miggs: "My point exactly."
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2017
  8. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributing Member Contributor

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    I leave for five pages and this is what I come back to. :rofl:

    I love you guys. :friend:
     
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  9. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    You are very welcomed. :)

    Captain Helen Chert: "But just to be clear, I do not tolerate violence on my starship, be they against men or women. You want to fight something, we've training droids in the gym."

    Helen, get back in my head -- I don't want to overstay your welcome.
     
  10. zoupskim

    zoupskim Contributing Member Contributor

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    Now if we can just squeeze an RP out of all this...
     
  11. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Why not? Let's pool our characters together and let's do it!
     
  12. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Would be the first time I'm writing a tree monster with egg-sacs for gonads.

    I'll just go jot down its character profile now...
     
  13. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Mishu Jerni: <smirks> "I'm not kinky or anything but...this sounds good."
    Captain Helen Chert: <muttering> "I am going to kill my author..."
    Kimberly Miggs: "I'll go sharpen the axe, but he's mine, lady."
     
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  14. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributing Member Contributor

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    I cannot wait for tomorrow's thrilling episode!
     
  15. Pharthan

    Pharthan Member

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    No, not men either. Sailors.
    Idea is that it doesn't matter what you are. You do your job.
    That's kind of what I was going for. Race, sex, sexual-preference, none of it matters when a job needs doing. Being that the setting is 3417, I probably need to throw in AI-rights as well.


    Problem is that Wheel of Time isn't 1st Person. It's 3rd Person Limited; one at at time it's written 3rd person from that character's point of view and, for the time of following that character, their knowledge.
    Meaning 95% of the time a "necklace nestling between her breasts," is usually written from the woman's point of view. For one character, I can see it making sense. But he describes it always in the same fashion. Or with crossing one's arms, he always mentions it as "beneath her breasts." Just say she crossed her arms.

    That being said, Wheel of Time is absolutely great. It just breaks my concentration when I come across that type of stuff and think "again?"
     
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  16. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll I tell you story, yes...:P Contributor

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    @Pharthan
    Brought to you by an Army Brat. :p


    Navy Pinup.jpg
     
  17. Phil Mitchell

    Phil Mitchell Contributing Member Contributor

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    https://ronanwills.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/lets-read-the-wise-mans-fear-ch-96-98/

    The round fullness of her breasts was lifted by the motion of her arms, and suddenly I felt like a stag in rut


    ....

    The arch of her bare foot said more of sex than anything I’d seen in my young life. Another step. Her smile was fierce and full. She was as lovely as the moon. Her power hung about her like a mantle. It shook the air. It spread behind her like a pair of vast and unseen wings.

    ....

    “No,” I looked down, my face growing hot. “I have never been with a woman.” Then I straightened and looked her in the eye as if challenging her to make an issue out of it.

    Felurian was still for a moment, then her mouth turned up into a wry smile. “you tell me a faerie story, my kvothe.”

    I felt my face go grim. I don’t mind being called a liar. I am. I am a marvelous liar. But I hate being called a liar when I’m telling the perfect truth.

    Regardless of its motivation, my expression seemed to convince her. “but you were like a gentle summer storm.” She made a fluttering gesture with a hand. “you were a dancer fresh upon the field.” Her eyes glittered wickedly.

    Does so bad its awesome beat just mediocre and forgettable? The answer is yes!
     
  18. Iain Sparrow

    Iain Sparrow Contributing Member

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    uh, no.
    So bad is just so bad. Purply prose is almost always, just bad.

    "I lay quiet, looking out under my eyelashes in an agony of delightful anticipation. The fair girl advanced and bent over me till I could feel the movement of her breath upon me. Sweet it was in one sense, honey-sweet, and sent the same tingling through the nerves as her voice, but with a bitter underlying the sweet, a bitter offensiveness, as one smells in blood."
     
  19. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale "Cue the artillery" Contributor

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    Purple prose can have its charms, see Jack Vance's Dying Earth stories, but I thought this thread was more about 1st or close 3rd women who were constantly aware of their own breasts.

    Funny that mainstream writers never seem to mention men's awareness of their adjustable bits...
     
  20. big soft moose

    big soft moose Contributing Member

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    At the end of After the Wave (my first wip) the repellent Lt 'Topsy' Turvey is very aware of his penis - principally because the FMC Keri has just severed the top half of it whilst stabbing him repeatedly in the groin with a fighting knife... (they then leave him to be captured by hostile tribesmen who generally torture their prisoners to death and drink their blood )
     
  21. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale "Cue the artillery" Contributor

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    Well, yeah, there are always reasons to focus on something...
     
  22. Phil Mitchell

    Phil Mitchell Contributing Member Contributor

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    That purple prose is just bad because it isn't funny. It's only funny when it's oversexualized.
     
  23. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    Kimberly Miggs: <jots down notes> "...Oversexualized, bad prose equals profit..."
     
  24. Iain Sparrow

    Iain Sparrow Contributing Member

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    It seemed to work for Bram Stoker. The quote was pulled from Dracula, the book that launched ten thousand vampire novels. Not a one as fine as the original.
     
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  25. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale "Cue the artillery" Contributor

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    Well done, I salute you!
     
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