Men, please don't write women this way

Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Lea`Brooks, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    To sun up the excerpt: "ah heh heh heh bewbies!"

    I write with my brains, not my dick.
     
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  2. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    "She breasted boobily to the stairs and titted downwards."

    Holy knockers, Batman. :ohno:

    Talk about some omniscient breasts. :whistle:

    ETA: I have to add, since I'm gay and would not naturally write a paragraph about a set of glorious breasts with a tiny woman attached like an afterthought, that I immediately began to wonder what the gay-guy version of this paragraph would be. :-D
     
  3. jim onion

    jim onion New Member

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    ^ "He looked longingly toward the window, at the light shining brightly off the morning wood."

    "With a big, meaty thwack he set down the sausage, with his eggs and bacon."

    "I really want to rustle Jimmy's jimmies, as my handyman bends down beneath the sink to find the crack in the plumbing."
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2017
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  4. Link the Writer

    Link the Writer Flipping Out For A Good Story. Contributor

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    "He dicked his dangly-dang down the stairs to fetch for the nest in which to cover the holy schlong. He thought of Timothy, his firm thoughts, long sausage, thick torso with manly pecks with those strapping man-nips. He thought of the muscular arms thick as solid oak."
     
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  5. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    "Jason awoke to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats of his blinds, cascading over his ample morning wood. He stretched, spreading his legs as he greeted the sun, his soldier of valor resting within the valleys and hollows of his mythic abdomen. He rolled out of bed, careful not to step upon his prodigious tumescence, the folds of his foreskin grazing the floor. He wienered cockily to the stairs and schlonged downwards."
     
  6. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

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    I can't handle this thread. :superlaugh:
     
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  7. Phil Mitchell

    Phil Mitchell Banned Contributor

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    That paragraph is nothing compared to Rose Potter: The Girl who Lived by Keiran Halycon.

    Have I Mentioned I Am Heterosexual Today - Rose will bathe with other girls, give them sensual massages, and hug them in a "sisterly" manner... all while being naked. But she's NOT a lesbian or bisexual! Seriously, she even says so repeatedly! There's also the part where she and Ginny sleep together in bed - naked - and wake up in a spooning position.

    • Did we forget the eleven-year-old having her chest soaped by a bunch of thirteen-year-olds?!
    https://encyclopediadramatica.se/The_Girl_Who_Lived
     
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  8. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Jason woke to the sunlight streaming through the blinds, his erect cock casting shadows across his belly like a standing stone sundial. He lurched from his bed and humped across the floor to the stairs like a three legged beast, then pole vaulted his way down , man that stung " I really must sand down the edges of these steps' he thought as his pulled splinters from his bell.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2017
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  9. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    I prefer to use my fingers - my dick only just reaches the keyboard, and its a greater diameter than the keys. (and using my brain was messy and painful)
     
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  10. Dnaiel

    Dnaiel Senior Member

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    I don't see why you're all laughing here. The grammar and mechanics were nearly flawless.
     
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  11. Iain Sparrow

    Iain Sparrow Banned Contributor

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    You should write with your brains, heart, and dick.
    Though after writing with your dick, be considerate and wipe down the keyboard.
     
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  12. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    wdfght ghyt juyh pokj nikohgcr

    nope writing with my cock isn't working ;)
     
  13. halisme

    halisme Contributor Contributor

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    Ahem.

    Both parts of Jason rose that morning, the sun casting schlong shadows across the covers. He quickly erected himself, standing up and stretching in a way that highlighted the girth of his arms. After a moment he went to the top of the stairs, eying the length of them.
     
  14. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    6 keys wide, aye? Moosie is a moose. :ohno: :-D
     
  15. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Hey I got the name originally for being a big horny animal - the soft part came with age ;)

    and you know small keys - one doesn't like to boast :D
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2017
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  16. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

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    :superlaugh:
     
  17. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Come for the breasts. Stayed for the brains.
     
  18. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Coming back to the OP he was doing okay until the last two lines - if her boobs are plot important then mentioning them is fine. (of course writing a woman who's collosal breasts are plot essential is in itself probably not wise.)
     
  19. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Lying, dog-faced pony Marine Supporter Contributor

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    Heart wrenching drama about a stripper who gets breast cancer...
     
  20. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    :superlaugh:
     
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  21. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    At the risk of having to ban myself....

     
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  22. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    I did once write in a school essay "her shirt filled out like two racing zeppelins" and on another occasion "her top couldn't have been more full if she was smuggling a pair of Galapagos tortoises out of the zoo"

    Hey I was young, and hormonal (and this was in no way inspired by my English teachers bountiful natural assets")
     
  23. Dnaiel

    Dnaiel Senior Member

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    I almost want to ask you how you found that and why you went looking at all. :whistle::superthink::bigtongue:
     
  24. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Read in the voice of Michael Palin. ;)
     
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  25. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Long story short: It's a clip from The Venture Bros., a bit of animation fun of which I am a fan. Iain's comment immediately snapped the memory to mind. :whistle:
     

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