Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Have you tried hibernation?

Please don't hurt me...

 

It basically is this. It's called Seasonal Affective Disorder.

 

I'm almost afraid to ever feel happy anymore. Mainly because happiness has become that one guy who screams "incoming" in every war movie right before an artillery explosion.

Went from having a brief snowball fight in the parking lot after work, to being pulled over and issued a citation for not having my rear-window cleared of snow, in the space of about 5 minutes.

At least the officer offered to let me use his window-scraper, after telling him I didn't have one. *sigh* Thanks.

And while I'm on the topic, I understand police officers have a job to do. They aren't your friend. They don't even need to be nice. But their job description doesn't say be a jerk either, especially when I'm nothing but polite and respectful, and do everything in my power to make the encounter go as smoothly as possible. Give me a ticket, whatever. All I'm asking for is a little common courtesy.

I'll look forward to the argument with my dad tomorrow. I'll look forward to the court hearing, as I'm honestly so depressed that I'll leave the judge a tip with my fine, and ask if I could get ten times the points so I lose my license, and then lose my job as a result. Why not just go all the way? That's what life wants. Let nature take its course. I've been locked out of enjoying life anyway, like looking-in on a house-party you weren't invited to.

I don't mean what I'm about to say in a physically harmful sense, but more in a mental sense: I fucking give up.

 

Nah man, most cops suck. That's just the truth.
In theory, one of the most respected jobs I can think of, in practice, pretty much the opposite.

 

It's true. I had a cop pull me over at 6am on Christmas morning for not coming to a complete stop at a four way stop... when no one was around. I was 17 at the time, it was the first time I had been pulled over, and it put me in such a bad mood, it ruined the entire day for me.

 

That's because they have a certain amount of people they need to pull over each year, so they do more around Christmas and winter. The majority of police aren't bad. They're just doing a job.

 

When your job is bad, you are bad.

 

I apologise, I didn't realise having a number of times you had to briefly interlude on people's lives was grounds for quitting your job, losing all income in the process. Not to mention the only way to change the system is from the inside, meaning someone has to work their way up within it. Stop blaming the dog for stealing sausages while its owner refuses to feed it.

 

A year ago I was stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship. I lived with him. It was so bad that I would feel a ball of dread in my stomach before he came home from work. I was having panic attacks. Everyday. I believe they are called rolling panic attacks. I couldn't focus. I wasn't taking care of myself and was feeling the stress to the point my hair was actually falling out!

During this time, I was keeping a journal. Writing down my feelings. After months of keeping this journal, I looked back on some of my entries. Entry after entry of me saying I was going to make changes. Changes that I had taken no action to make. That was the moment I took action and my life has improved significantly. I have my own place (a place I can fill with color and artistry. God, did I miss that). I am no longer having panic attacks and my hair is thicker than ever!

I guess what I'm saying is that when there is something in your life causing you a great deal of unhappiness...and it is something that you have the power to change it is worth it to do so.

 

I think it goes a little deeper than "most cops suck." Although there are definitely cops that do "suck" there are also a lot of cops who are good people doing their job. And I think it might have more to do with certain laws than the actual cop (you know except the ones that actually do suck).

I know a few police officers personally who are fantastic people and actually hate pulling others over or giving tickets.

On a side note, I was once arrested for a parking ticket I didnt know I had (parking in front of my own house. who would have guessed). On Christmas Eve. Now that cop sucked.

 

^ Good luck, Moose! I know you can do it!!

Here's something that's currently crossing my mind: See, I'm attempting to resurrect old stories that I think still stand a chance, things I think still have potential, but my anxiety is screaming at me not to do it. It's saying the following:

- "It will fail; like it had so many other times."

- "You're stupid for thinking you can even try."

- "Why are you doing this?"

- "Why do you think this will be any different? You'll start up, thinking you'll do differently but at the end, you'll find that you're just the same idiot as you were before."

What's worse is that it says it so convincingly, so true that I almost believe it. Why should I resurrect these old stories? I gave them up for a reason, right? Why do I want to bring them back after all this time? That's what my anxiety is telling me. Thing is, I'm more mature now and I finally have an understanding (for the most part) of what each story deserves and want to give those old stories another shot. So why is my anxiety telling me to give up? Is it because of past failures? How can I get this to shut up?

 

Are you willing to bet $50,000 that the stories will fail?

 

Yep, some cops are jerks, some aren't. I've met plenty on both sides of the fence.

That being said, when I said this cop was a jerk, I wasn't referring to the fact that he gave me a ticket. I was referring to his demeanor during the entire process. How he would speak. His tone. Believe it or not, one can take their job serious without also being an Olympic Gold Medal ass about it.

Couldn't agree more. I always felt like the police should be the world-class, outstanding citizens of the country. They are truly one of the more important representatives of the values of the people. They are there to protect, not harass, and not make you a number on their quota.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's shit like that that you never forget. Hopefully that cop was hung high with guilt the whole day as well.

I think "brief interlude" might be a generalization and an understatement. The choices a cop makes can have outstanding effects on the lives of the individuals that they interact with. Financially I'm going to struggle if I get the points on my license, because then my insurance company will find out that I drive, and my family's rates - not just mine - will go up. A completely unjust punishment, when taking into account the extenuating reasoning and circumstances.

Their choices can also create a chilling effect in people, where one starts to feel that they are out to get them no matter what they do, and no matter how hard they try to just be a law-abiding citizen. The primary reason for this, is because one can spend 50,000 hours driving perfectly, only to make one goof-up when a cop just so happens to be looking, and your 50,000 hours of perfect driving mean nothing, and your clean-record is gone.

I was pulled over a month ago for pulling out of a Speedway with only my running lights on. I realized my mistake the second I pulled out onto the road, but the officer saw it, and pulled me over. It was the county sheriff. He was polite, I was respectful. The procedure was quick, and he explained to me that he wanted me to be safer in the future. Since I had no previous incidents on my record, and it was an honest mistake, he let me go. Stark contrast.

The mentality of quotas goes entirely against the principle of innocent until proven guilty. Instead it promotes finding trouble where there isn't any, because the quotas can't be realistically met. This explains an encounter last week, when I did the speed-limit all the way through town, was paying full attention to the road, but the cop (who I saw parked, like a snake in the grass, from a mile away) still decided to pull out behind me. Probably for no other reason, other than to hope his presence panicks me into slipping-up. It was 1:00 AM and I was the only car on the road, so it was evident that he was "honed in" on me. Pulled into a gas-station so he'd stop following me.

You're right that quotas are unfortunately not within the control of the officers. :/

I completely agree with you that most cops do the right thing! It would be unfair to nit-pick one encounter too, out of the thousands they deal with. My ex-girlfriend's dad was a chief of police (oh man that's a funny story lol), and he seemed like a good man.

Cheers halisme.

Reminds me of "all cops were bullied in high-school; they either decide to defend the little guy that they themselves used to be, or the power-trip has them become the very thing they once hated." Paraphrasing.

 

The best thing you can do—bar none—is to start actively looking for another job NOW.

It's much easier to get a job when you already have one. And there is NOTHING like the satisfaction of going into a 'bad' job and telling them you've just got a better job, ta ta, have a nice day.

I've done this twice in my lifetime. The first time (in the USA) I finally accepted I was actually working for an asshole (after nearly 3 years of working for him), and I got another (better paying) job the very day I started looking. It was across the street from my old job, which was even more satisfying. And the other time (in the UK), when I started working for an organisation whose practices were very dodgy, I had to wait 11 months before another suitable job came up in my area. (I applied for it and got it.)

What makes this approach particularly attractive to somebody like yourself who is struggling with depression, is that you take the initiative. You don't wait for them to dump you. You dump them ...but because you have another job to go to, you don't lose out. It's not the same thing as just 'quitting' in desperation on a bad day, and going home to no income and limited prospects. Leave while you're in a strong position, as you are now. You have a job. So go look for another one.

It's amazing how much you can put up with when you KNOW you've already decided to leave. Putting off the decision doesn't help. Taking the decision does, even if it's a while before you actually get to go. Every day you appear at work, you tell yourself 'I'm outta here.' You smile, kowtow, do your work well, but it doesn't feel hopeless any more.

As for references, I'm not sure where you live, but in Scotland (and maybe the UK—not sure about this one) bosses are only allowed to confirm, in a reference, the dates when you have been employed by them. This is excellent, because it means no boss can give a 'bad' character reference. (Character references come from other sources.) It means you're in a very strong position if you still have a job.

And also, don't forget, your employer is going to look foolish giving you a bad reference while you're still working for them! Especially if you've been with them a while. I wouldn't let that fear hold you back.

Also, many prospective employers understand that you don't want to lose your present job before you secure the next one. They are usually okay with not contacting your present boss for references until they are sure they want you if your references check out. I think it's okay to say something along these lines at a job interview. You want to come across as grounded, responsible and businesslike, and concern about keeping your present job until you've secured another one—and being willing to work out a notice period with your old job—doesn't hurt your chances. A good, solid work record is a big help on this one. If you're not always switching jobs and are willing to follow through on committments to your present employer, this makes a big impression, believe me. Employers hate training a new person only to have them skip off after a few months. I've had many employers mention that my stable work record impressed them. It's not to be sneezed at.

However, people do move jobs, on occasion. Just be one of them.

It helps if you can come up with some non-angry reason for wanting a new job. Location is good, if that enters into it. (Will you be closer to where you live? Or within a better commuting route?) So are hours of work. (Will the new hours suit you better?) Or pay. (Go for a job that pays better, if you can. Employers certainly understand that one.) Or any other angle you can think of. You really like the company you are applying to (and be specific as to why.)

You're a writer. Be creative! And good luck.

 

You're kind of convincing me to give up.

 

I’ve had severe social anxiety for at least … 10 years now. I’m 19. When my confidence was supposed to be skyrocketing during my childhood, it was crushed, thanks to bullies at school and my uneducated, overly religious parents deciding to move me back and forth between the US and the third world country which I originate from, which really messed up my education because learning two languages was quite difficult. I don't know basic algebra. I’ve never had a friend, which means I don’t know what it feels like to closely and fondly bond with someone, whether it be by just hanging out with another person and watching a movie together or just laughing at each other’s jokes, but I’ve never had anything like that. Since I've had almost no social interaction with others, I appear quite “serious” and boring due to my extremely monotone personality, almost like a person with some form of mild autism. I don’t know what a hug feels like, let alone something like sex. I’ve never had a lover, nor do I care to anymore because nothing interests me anymore. I’ve adapted to a sort of nihilistic and logician lifestyle--one where nothing matters but rationality, since it helps me cope and fight back.

My parents are somewhat supportive. They bought me an apartment and pay the bills, but unfortunately, if I don't find a job and begin taking care of myself soon, which I can't because every employer keeps denying me due to my poor communication skills, they’ll cut my Internet, the only thing that is keeping me going. I’ve been to multiple therapists, doctors, and specialists, and most of them agreed with my parents. “Just get out more and make some friends. Break out of your shell slowly. Spend less time on the Internet. You need balance in your life.” But it’s not that simple, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending all my time on the Internet writing and reading things.

I can’t get disability benefits because they are near impossible to get. I can’t find a job as an overnight stocker or something because with how the current job market is, there are tens or hundreds of applicants per open position, and employers can just handpick the best ones--the humorous, fun-to-be-around people, and not me, the socially awkward person who can’t even talk to someone on the phone without sweating and trembling.

Medications don’t help my anxiety, and my symptoms have been getting worse every day. I constantly experience panic attacks. For the past couple of months, I’ve had this “heavy cold” feeling, especially around my head. I experience hot flashes all the time where it feels like I have a fever of 105f, but it’s only 97f. I always feel like I’m on the verge of crying but can’t cry. I have been prescribed Metropole (a beta blocker) to take every 12 hours, but it doesn’t seem to help since even on it, my blood pressure is still over 160/90 since my anxiety is so bad, and my heart rate is a bit sporadic too. I've gone to the ER at least five times thinking that I was dying or something. I have also been taking Xanax when I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack, but it doesn’t seem to be helping that much because I still feel like shit, perhaps from the Xanax itself since I take it every day.

Anyways, that's my entire life, pretty much. Whenever someone online asks me why I won't talk to them, I just tell them I'm mute because I may as well be. Actually, I think a mute person would do better than me because at least they wouldn't be awkward. Better to keep your mouth shut than open, sometimes. (Or well, all the time for me.) The only thing I have left is writing and my upcoming college studies (I'm going to be an English major.) If I do well, hopefully, my parents will cut me some slack, and I could become a freelance writer.

 

So you would bet $50,000 that the stories are going to fail? (I'm going somewhere with this, I promise.)

Maybe I should rephrase... Are you so confident that your story will fail that you'd be willing to put money down on the outcome?

 

I've read others' posts and I'm quite surprised at how many people go to therapy! I guess the world we live in requires us to be worked on with all the crap we go through in life..

While I'm not going to say I have a mental disorder I am the quietest person I know. I am 26 now and have no friends whatsoever so basically I spend my life alone!

I do have a social anxiety sort of thing however. In 2012 I spent a week in a behavioral health facility because I had a panic attack. That state of mind comes back every once in a while but I don't think I'll ever go to therapy. I think with the way things are nowadays, it's easier for people to go crazy. Relationship issues, Internet, trends, peer pressure, finances and all the rest.

The best way I handle my mental state is by praying to God, playing music, drinking some very nice wine and eating some Chinese food.. Am I forgetting something? Oh yes this little thing called writing! (My dearly beloved).

 

Cops break the laws themselves incessantly. I see it on the road everyday. Also, favoritism runs rampant here. If you know a cop, or are related to a cop, you get out of all sorts of stuff.

A cop's main job is not to enforce the law or to protect citizens, it's to fill a quota and do whatever his boss says. Also to stuff poor folks into our private prisons and shoot anyone who upsets them.

The reason we're safer than Somalia is because we have a better economy, not because of our cops, who just have it easy, and are failing terribly in dangerous areas like parts of Chicago and LA, etc.

 

@big soft moose
I'm sorry your boss is that way. I don't understand people like that at all.
@kiesi
I understand how hard it can be to get a job and keep it (I'm fighting this battle currently), do your parents not actively help you find a job? because it's all well saying to someone get a job, but it's not that easy really.