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  1. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    Need help fixing my MC

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Write4Fun22, Jun 23, 2018.

    So I got that he's a US spec ops soldier and he's being used as a test subject by a scientist team for a new type of drug from some type of insect/plant, which accidentally gets the MC into a catatonic state from being stuck in the plant and the mutated insectoid silkworm creature's silky web that trapped him in and feeds the nutrients to the drug in his system which has him frozen/trapped for almost 200 years in coma until he's awakened into the future.

    What I'm having trouble is with how do I come up with a good excuse why "they" had chosen and tested it on him? The drug/mixture they discovered was from or brought the Amazon rainforest and the MC was born to an American dad and South American mom. One of my options would be they traced one of his far descendants from his mom's side of the family where one of her ancestors was a shaman during the 19th century that created this potion mixture type and discovered all these years later. I could have it that he's the last descendent that traces to that bloodline? Or it can be traced to his dads side of the family which would be of European descent? Or not have anything to do with being his decedents and he was chosen because he was just an easy guinea pig subject? Or that he was just qualified and it didn't even come from the Amazon, could of came from India or SouthEast Asia? And what's a good reason for using this drug that hasn't been done already? The MC is already half bionic, the drug could extend life? Make humans super strong? Increase intelligence? I think this has all been done before.

    I respect and appreciate advice.
     
  2. Kalisto

    Kalisto Senior Member

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    Well, there are some bacteria and viruses that can only infect people of a certain genetic structure. Certain types of human HPV (the virus that causes warts) and Hansen's Disease (also known as leprosy) are two prime examples. So I would say that what you're thinking of isn't too far off the realm of reality.
     
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  3. GrJs

    GrJs Active Member

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    You say he’s spec ops so they’d be testing the drug on him after finding that it has properties that should enhance his abilities to do his job, thus he could offer to do it. So it enhances speed, strength, hearing, clarity of mind.. or perhaps it gives him an entirely supernatural power like telepathy or something to help communication and he was chosen along with his team to be the first human test subjects.

    Depends on the origin of the chemical.

    You could say the scientist decided hivemind communication was a good idea because bees work like a well oiled machine and thus synthesised a chemical that would alter their brain chemistry to synchronise with each other, or say an ancient civilisation did that and the mc’s the descendants of them and so on and so forth but, personally, the descendant angle has been done to death in experimental accidents (think of assassins creed, experimental tech allows special descendant to mentally travel through time to find mysterious anciently advanced glowy death ball).

    I’d say stick hard to the science line here unless the descendant angle has a plot point, like the chemical would literally kill anybody else that took it unless they had that specific DNA.

    Sounds like the way he got the chemical is unlikely to affect the plot much given you’ve set it 200 years post injection. It just has to have an affect that will useful to 200 years later society. Like plant communion. Unless you go with a team injection plot, in which case hivemind telepathy or enhanced everything or both. That way you could make it like a task force thing, have a huge convoluted plot about shady army officials and them becoming actual unwilling test subjects then coordinating an escape with their telepathy and trying to outrun the shady army which is much different than what they remember and eventually coming to a scorched earth conclusion and eviscerating their now enemies leaving them fugitives of the state...

    Just keep it straight forward, don’t add in unnecessary details like the descendant thing unless it has relevance to the happenings post freezing. Not an exposition convo about why it had to be him because his ancestors were witch doctors. Make him the second coming of something, make it give him knowledge in a bleed fashion like AC does with the assassin skills, through the experience of his ancestors. Bring back this ancient culture in a rising cult like fashion or you know, not cult like but equally as powerful. Make it have stakes.
     
  4. Storysmith

    Storysmith Senior Member

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    How about your MC got into trouble (perhaps because he lost his temper) and his options were to take the drug or be thrown out of the service? That gives a reason why your MC was chosen, as well as giving him a character flaw that he can hopefully work on throughout the story, perhaps showing growth of character by not reacting in the same way in a similar situation in future.

    As for the drug's effect: whatever works best with the rest of your plot.
     
  5. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    Do you mean for the drug being used to try to test to see if it cures viruses or the drug itself has a similar effect similar to an actual virus? Can that be tested on a guy with cybernetic enhancements though?

    I can see this working.

    The AC route could be interesting. I do like the idea of having some descendent connection, considering his mother is of South American descent and I would have the drugs chemical properties descend from South America that later get discovered in some sort of plant or creature but existed before that since ancient civilization (I'm guessing the Inca was prominent that time) or from a shamans brew during the 19th century during the Spanish/Portuguese colonization.

    Couldn't I do both somehow? And if the chemical only worked on according to DNA would that be more plausible of the effect it has on him instead from his bionic enhanced implants?

    That's a tough one as I'm not quite sure how to connect the time jump. I would start the story off from him awakening in the new decade he's in and the rest as backstories and flashbacks later added in and the excuse for him being kept frozen/immobilized all those years was due to the drugs chemical reaction to being trapped from a plants sap or creatures web or put in a coma or something. Plant trick could be useful for him if he'd awaken 100 so years if telepathy works.

    Now if I did try a team injection idea outrunning the shady army as fugitives, could the hive mind telepathy, MC's time jump and ancestry thing all work together in this? Or am I setting myself up for a serious downfall by doing so?

    Interesting that you mentioned a cult, considering I was planning on having a cult involved, either government or cult-like group responsible for his mothers death and maybe connected to the foster care home he's sent to after his mother and family was killed.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2018
  6. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    I could but I'd want the punishment to be a more severe than him being treated with a harmless mistake and simply being told to just leave if uncooperative. I want him to be somewhat forced and used like a guinea pig and cause him more problems. He's badly traumatized from his past, he'd likely be getting into things he didn't want to.
     
  7. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    If you want it to be more of a punishment, just have him commit some violations.
    Say going into a blood lust and burning down a village, or something particularly
    unsavory. Then it would justify using him as a guinea pig. Build a list of misconduct
    charges against him, and then have them offer him a deal to being dishonorably
    discharged and sent to prison. That could work, and it would be more plausible, than
    'oh you are just a special blood mix, so we want to experiment on ya.'
    At least that is what I would do, but it is your story.
     
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  8. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    ^ I like this a lot better. I think it has a lot more of a reasonable outcome based on my MC's character. I was having second thoughts about the whole special bloodline inheritance mix thing, which even I agree seems a bit iffy. It just seems forced and feels less mature "heroic lineage" deal. His heritage is not what's important but his character as a solider, experiment, etc..etc.

    I like the flaws too, he's not perfect like we humans aren't. I'll work on it and fit it in nicely into my version of the story, thanks man.

    One thing is I want this to have some sort of theme going. I got the whole sic fi drug concept but it's not enough. Otherwise it's just another generic soldier experiment storyline.

    With the nanites technology that's designed to control him like a hive mind inside him, would him escaping with the hive mind control nanites implanted in him be cool if him and the control implants had to work together?

    It's like sort of a DrJekyl/Hyde thing going on only instead it's MC himself and the hive mind nanite implants that fight each other for control or start to team up later, since the MC and controlling nanites inside him were both trapped by the shady military/government for so long and now being hunted down? Sound feasible?
     
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  9. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    Now the question is would it be a bad move if he meets a female partner when he ends up in the future?
     
  10. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    Hey guys, sorry to bump this topic back up I just want a little input on this idea and I'll be good.

    Now this made me think of something interesting. Maybe I could connect this to my story somehow. I would leave out the super power inheritance and just have it that due to the special technology in him, he's able to have these flashbacks and read into his past ancestors of what occurred when they obtained something important, (like a special antidote or ancient technology of some sort) that connects to the future present time and a modernized version of the cult that descends from that civilization that practiced sacrifices that could also exist in my future timeline. Sound good or too over the top?
     
  11. Mark Burton

    Mark Burton Fried Egghead Contributor

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    Maybe the reason it is tested on your protagonist is that he is already bionic and better able to handle the conversion than others? Perhaps black ops lab scientists tested it on other subjects and the subjects died or ended up as zombies that attacked and ate the scientists? Maybe that's why he was left alone for 200 years? The other failed subjects could still be loitering around the place attacking anyone who enters the failed underground experimental lab.
     
  12. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    I was thinking of something like that. But it has to be in reason. Perhaps the MC is not affected buy on a different way. I could make him become like a super human with muted cybernetic genes?
     
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  13. GrJs

    GrJs Active Member

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    I’d read that. But you’ve still gotta think of why it’s relevant to the time he’s in and what the cult has to do with it. Personally I’d prefer a sort of reclaiming the old cultural traditions rather than a cult uprising but you could have both. Show the die hard traditionalists compared to a modernised version.

    If you’re going sacrifice route though I’d give it cosmic consequences or a horror note. Though cosmic consequences sounds more fun to read than sacrificial horror.
     
  14. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    I think both could fit in. There would be some supernatural and mysterious events going on so the cosmic consequences could add to that and I would connect to how some energy forces descended from those ancient tribes and were created for the drug that my MC gets that turns him mutant, vampire or whatever, combined with his cybernetics which is the result while the failed subjects and other human beings turn to zombies and such and gotten into the hands of the traditional custom or uprising cults.
     
  15. GrJs

    GrJs Active Member

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    Which part mutates him? Is it because he’s only got a little blood and thus it reacts negatively with the foreign DNA or is it the ancestors recipe to give strength to the devout followers?
     
  16. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    I just realized after writing it out more, his little blood he's got that reacts negatively with the fireugn DNA mutates him and his ancestors recipe reacts as a supernatural enhancement of the mutation.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
  17. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    The zombies are actually something entirely different not associated with him or his DNA at all.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
  18. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    Hey man sorry for bumping this topic back up but I decided the best way to handle this, and please let me know which choice seems the best.

    1# The reason for his mutation would be after the fact he's already been turned and used as a cyborg vampire to fight zombies, after lots of zombies have already been killed which causes the side effect of the virus spreading in the atmosphere after being burned, it counteracts not just due to his cybernetics and vampire gene but due to his heritage of ancestory of a Mayan cult civilization that practiced cosmic events so it basically protects him or further mutates his powers even further from virus in the atmosphere rather than killing him or turning him to a brainless zombie.

    2# Or the entire further mutation begins when he is first given this foreign dna gene which counteracts with his lack of blood and cybernetics, resulting in this ultimate super mutation gene which is what actually makes him into a vampire with cybernetics, plus combined with the virus spreading in the atmosphere which further protects him due to his vampirism mutation's powers and maybe down the line in the story his powers would further increase when he meets a cultist that senses his ancestory heritage to the cult that brought back the traditional Mayan ways with some cosmic affect on him.

    Which choice seems like a better reason for all this to happen. Again I apologize for bringing this back up but it would really help to get an opinion on this. Thanks.
     
  19. GrJs

    GrJs Active Member

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    If you’re still looking for an opinion.

    The second is the best here. The first doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.
    Why would his powers increase if he meets a cultist? Is the cultist doing some kind of strengthening ritual on him? Trying to fix what got messed up in the mutation?
     
  20. Zerotonin

    Zerotonin Serotonin machine broke

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    I haven't read every response to this, so I apologize if this has already been asked, but what if his bionic implants were slowly killing him and the scientists thought that the serum could prevent that? For example, maybe the implants are degrading within his body, releasing deadly metals into his bloodstream that would kill him, but this serum is meant to counteract the toxins in his system?

    Just a random thought.
     
  21. Write4Fun22

    Write4Fun22 Banned

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    I agree more with the second one too. And honestly I don't think I need to add him with some Mayan cultist civilization heritage, since I want him to be mixed heritage anyway. I think I could just stick with the foreign DNA gene that got put into him and the effects that happen due to his cybernetics interacting and the poison in the air from the virus, acts like a defense against it but with some consequences, but having the cultists involved and having some sort of effect I think could also work too.

    That's a good idea, yeah something along those lines, I think it would draw him more sympathy of what he's going through rather than just be straight up super power with no flaws.
     

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