I've been trying to change the old "free as a bird' metaphor into something more amusing, but with the same meaning. But I keep coming up with lame solutions, either relating to my shopping habits or ads that were popping up on my facebook. Such as "free as a Spanish lesson" (eww) or "free as a sample" (yikes!). So, if any of you are feeling inspired and generous, I'd appreciate some help thinking of things that are free and everyone (or most people) can relate.
Do you want something nice or something less nice? When I think of nice things, it'd be something like free as the wind. Free as a mustang (ugh, but horses also symbolize freedom). Less nice... Free as an STD from a hooker. (I don't think you need to pay for it). Free as soup in a homeless shelter. I'm not feeling very creative. I'll get back to this when/if I do...
@KaTrian : 'Free as an STD from a hooker'. I love it It might be slightly wordy, but I'll see how it fits. Thanks Kat!
to simplify, 'free as a dose of the clap' would be better... if it's been acquired from a hooker, it wouldn't have been for free, would it?
As free as a fall As free as a germ As free as a Texan ... As free as Santa/Satan/TheManInRed #worldwideconspiracy #helpusall Free as whiskey Free as fire Free as an uncontrolled demolition Free as a hippie's hair Free as an anarchist's brain Free as a mongol Free as an art show Free as a democracy Free as an unwed As free as a derailed train (Bad taste, I'm sorry) As free as a range rover As free as money from the government As free as a... bald man Free as a... a... ehrm... one... an... hmm... nope I'm out.
You pay for the sex, but not for the clap, so that was for gratis. Kind of like you buy a muffin and then find a fly on it, but you didn't pay for the fly, that just came as extra. You can think of stuff that gets spoiled or that nobody wants, so people are giving it out for free. Free as muffins rolled in mud. Free as a sandwich somebody sneezed on. Not sure if those work, though... Or like if if a cyclops optician ordered monocles, but then the factory sent him spectacles, but there's no return policy. Like who's gonna use those in a cyclops community? So they just give them out for free if somebody wants em. I'm on a silly mood...
No, @KaTrian, you are doing really well! It's me who has no creativity at the moment, you suggestions are really helpful
Hah, I dunno about that. I just came home from boxing and took some hits in the head, plus I'm hungry and the peas are taking forvever to boil, so as a result: silly food metaphors
They work better than my shopping ones, I'll say that much I'm ordering pizza tonight. To hell with it!
To me, "free as a bird" refers to freedom from restraint, whereas some of the suggestions seem to instead refer to "free" in the sense that there's no monetary charge. Which one are you after?
That's an excellent point @ChickenFreak. I'm trying to make it a wordplay joke, I suppose. In the sentence, it's meant to indicate 'free from restraint' but I want to use 'free as' in terms of cost. The idea of a mixed metaphor seemed like the right thing. Larger context, it's a part of a dialogue where one friend bullshits the other, he want's him to do something, but his request is hidden in a favour. I just felt it suited the tone.
It depends on the tone you wish to establish. "Free as sunshine" is simple, direct, and resonates with nearly everyone. On the other hand, "free as a beatdown by a cop" conveys a more sarcastic, pessimistic outlook. The problem with "free as a bird" is that it has become a cliche in the true sense. It's a phrase that has been repeated so many times that it no longer carries any of the meaning behind it. Also, it conveys a different connotation, one of liberty rather than the absence of a price.
