Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Gouloon, Jul 4, 2008.
This is for an RPG I've been tinkering with, any criticism will be greatly appreciated.
I'm not quite sure what's going on here, how this RPG works, or what exactly it is your looking for, so I'll treat it as though you asked for an opinion on your MC in a novel.
I don't mean to be nasty, but it is pretty much just a load of cliche's. Kid with no parents (guilty of this one myself) turns to crime, gets into a lot of trouble etc. When it got to the old man who, when wronged, instead decided to help rather than punish, it got a bit much for me I'm afraid!
But I'm not sure if this is helpful because I don't exactly know what your looking for. Sorry if i've just been irrevelvant for a 100 or so words!
This is just an RPG in RPGmaker or maybe a comic book, I haven't decided on the format. The idea is a story along the lines of venture bros. It would poke fun at the basic construction of RPGs and Fantasy stories the same way Venture Bros. pokes fun at 60's mystery and adventure shows.
THe bitter taste of your reply has helped more than you think, these are the things I want to work out. Like I said, all critique is welcome.
Some changes I am considering
- The Mother is still alive, but she is the crooked arms dealer instead of an old friend.
- Cosmo isn't too great a student, but is inspired by the thought of exploring the world(instead of having someone steer him in the right direction) Either way, he steals from local museums quite often(as a running gag) He's striving to get enough money to build a robot.(We never know quite why he'd want to do such a thing)
- The Police are still on Cosmo and his Mother's trail. While he doesn't have any unnatural or superhuman powers, he is for some reason rendered undetectable by psychics, which are employed by the city
Any other advice will be welcome.
This is kind of a lame change, but ditch the shirt with the cartoon character on it, if he were trying to build a robot, i wouldn't think he would wear a shirt with for example, spongebob on it, same with not a good student, besides, he's 14 so he might have a shirt with a rock band on it, but not a cartoon character. Like Scribe Raven said, the old man shouldn't help him, maybe the man should have told him to walk with him to the police station but on the way, the boy decides to run away etc. What I think, the name Cosmo, which happens to be the name of a immature fairy from "The Fairly Oddparents", doesn't suit a "bad kid". Stealing from museums would be rather hard don't you think? They do have amped up security and an alarm system which would contact the police immediately sending them on his tail once he runs out the front door. Try houses, he visits neighborhoods sizes the houses up, decides which would have the most valuable, disables alarm system and breaks in.
Well he's named after Mr. Spacely from the Jetsons. Also he has a sillier name because it's a comedy story, but I suppose you're right. As for the shirt, just something random I thought up when Drawing him.
Thanks for your criticism.
I have a question now, you said it would be an RPG, and i'm sure you mean role-playing game instead of rocket propelled grenade right? So if it's a comedy story, how would it be an RPG? did you ditch that idea?
RPGs(role playing games) can have comical storylines as well.
This is a computer game, not an online RPG you might think of.
Ok, i was thinking like the RPGs on this site. Maybe you could make it so he thinks he has supernatural powers and he tries to use them and fails, make it a comical situation, not like if he's cornered by rabid bunnies trying to eat him and he pretends to be ironman only he doesn't have any powers.
Go with it.
I mean seriously. Go with the first idea you had and stick to it. Your making a comedy, so don't over think it too much. The many cliche's work for you when you so that.
Not a big fan of the name Cosmo . . . But go for it anyways!
It's tough to judge a character by a bio alone. What really matters is how it's utilized in the story and how the character acts in situations. That's what makes a character interesting.
Separate names with a comma.