Hi everyone! So I've been seeing a lot lately of the rule where you start a new paragraph for a new character's actions, etc etc. Very common rule but one I've realised during editing my novel that I ignore a fair amount. So I'll have A did this and then B did this and A reacted by doing this, all in one paragraph. Easy to fix, but irritating. This one, I'm struggling with: Ahead of him, Debbie screamed. A shower of red rained over the gravel as the creature tore into her arm and Kramer's heart pounded. 'No!' Is this allowed? I know it isn't a hard and fast rule but I'm wondering whether it needs separating somehow - problem is when I split it into three, I feel like I'm wasting words. The paragraph above this, and below it, are both in Kramer's perspective. Thank you! Piper
It would help a lot if we could see the paragraph before as well as the one after. It's probably linking these events that will provide the clarity.
I'd probably put a full stop instead of the and and start a new para Ahead of him, Debbie screamed. A shower of red rained over the gravel as the creature tore into her. Kramer's heart pounded. 'No!' also a shower of red rained is a bit redundant since that's what showers do.. maybe red blood rained (or showered) over the gravel as the creature tore into her..
Fair enough, they're fairly hefty paragraphs so I'll just put a little in here: ...at the edge of the forest. Kramer wrapped his fingers around the barrel of the gun and flipped it into his palm, glancing up as he pointed. Ahead of him, Debbie screamed. A shower of red rained over the gravel as the creature tore into her arm and Kramer's heart pounded. 'No!' He aimed, narrowing his eyes along the barrel of the gun... Hope that helps! And @big soft moose (your comment loaded as I was finishing up with this) that seems to work, the only thing is that "Kramer's heart pounded. 'No!'" read a little awkwardly to me when I tried it as a paragraph on its own, and I couldn't figure out how to integrate it into the start of the next one. Good point about the rain, too.
the no is a bit fragmentary - a full sentence would be "No!" he screamed. But in fiction i think that kind of fragment is acceptable as its fairly obvious to the reader from context
In this specific example, I see Debra’s scream as something he’s observing in the landscape, so it doesn’t bother me. Giving her her own paragraph also wouldn’t bother me. If there were words in her scream, I would definitely want a paragraph. If she were unconscious and not acting, I absolutely wouldn’t need one. This is sort of in the middle.
