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  1. GreatCaesar

    GreatCaesar New Member

    Jan 20, 2013
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    New Project: Pride of the City

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by GreatCaesar, Jan 20, 2013.

    Pride of the City:

    A series of written stories and hopefully, eventually an internet show about Tim Babbit, a man who lives in Vancouver, Washington and the sometimes bizarre situations he and his friends end up finding themselves in.

    Tim is a smart-ass playboy who's hobbies include playing video games, watching TV, dicking around on the internet as well as watching internet videos, beating up rednecks, teabaggers and Neo-Nazis and going to countries in Europe and sleeping with European girls. Tim will never sleep with an American girl and makes this very clear in certain situation and is a good counter against manipulating American girls who try to manipulate his friends. His source of income is filing frivolous lawsuits, selling organs illegally and ransacking the houses of fascists that Tim and his top secret vigilante group, The Revolution, kill or torture. Although his group only pockets half of the loot, the other half goes to people in poverty and people in need, a modern day Robin Hood of sorts. He's also a whistle blower and keeps a low profile because of this and he also does under the table jobs in many countries in order to avoid having a paper trail.

    Tim's friends are:

    John, Tim's best friend, he fought in the Iraq War but doesn't seem to mind Tim's anti-war sentiment, nobody knows if he's simply tolerant of it or if he developed an anti-war sentiment himself due to his own personal experiences.

    Bob, an asshole who swears all the time and is prone to violence and is an amateur porn director.

    Jake, a nerd who loves UFC and learned to fight from watching UFC and WWF. He smokes weed and loves to power bomb and suplex dumbasses.

    James, a horror movie fan.

    Matt, a computer, video game and anime nerd who often uses internet lingo for real life situation, for example, when something bad happens to someone physically, saying they got "pwned".

    Julio, always cool as a cucumber, he makes music and beatboxes.

    Dick, who makes home brewed games. He loves Japan and speaks fluent Japanese and can write fluent Japanese perfectly, even the notorious Kenji script, memorizing every letter by heart and loves playing Japan exclusive RPGs.

    Ken, a quiet guy who doesn't say much but when he does, it's always something incredibly insightful.

    Carl, a smart-ass who's knows a lot about politics and is about as close to the voice of reason as is possible amongst Tim's circle of friends. He owns the deed to the house Tim lives in, a house Tim started living in shortly after Tim faked his own death in Bratislava, Slovakia in 1997 in order to stay off the US government's radar. Carl hates Bob and doesn't make any attempt to hide it.

    Sven, Tim's friend from Sweden who embarasses stupid American nationalists who make the mistake of being within the vicinity of Tim.

    Svetlana, a Serbian girl, Tim's mysterious "boss" in The Revolution. The Revolution is an anti-fascist vigilante group that deals out it's own justice against fascists and war criminals that the UN won't.

    Tim's enemies are:

    Janie Freeman, a religious fundamentalist, far-right winger, home schooled girl and mother of 9, Tim used to have feelings for her in middle school without knowing anything about her and she's never let it go. She's also directly responsible for his disdain of American girls and his falling out with Gabe Horndog, a former friend whom he stopped being friends with in 2002. Janie is obsessed with keeping Tim away from her and her kids and Tim is obsessed with keeping her away from his many European fuck buddies.

    Eduardo, the preppy store owner of Praganya Pearl Teas, he hates anyone who's not a preppy, Asian, or gangster and makes his employees refuse service to anyone not fitting those categories, resulting in Tim's prank calling Praganya on a regular basis (although Tim also prank calls other places, such as the police station and the suicide hotline).

    Shelly, the bitch girlfriend of Ken who is also an employee of Praganya. Tim only tolerates her because she's Ken's girlfriend. She smokes crack, listens to Z100 and watches Fox News and has her head permanently shoved up her ass and always thinks Tim has a crush on her no matter what Tim says.

    Mike, a country boy who plays pranks on people for no reason that go too far and then says he's "just joking". He also has the tendency to talk shit to tougher people but then run like a bitch when it comes to a real fight.

    Caitlin, a completely shameless attention whore who constantly gets furious when people ignore her.

    Neutral characters are:

    Charles Brown, also known as "Charlie Brown", a pot dealer notorious for selling marijuana that's nothing but seeds.

    Tommy Wiseau, an alien from the planet Uranus who shows up every once in a while completely out of the blue to offer advice or just make a random observation.

    Tony the bum, a homeless man who will do anything for money.
  2. BallerGamer

    BallerGamer Active Member

    Dec 27, 2010
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    Is this going to be a novel? Sounds like it's going to be episodic.
  3. JJ_Maxx

    JJ_Maxx Banned

    Oct 8, 2012
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    Is this for real? Wow, I don't know what to say.

    This is overly-complicated and needlessly politicized. Why alienate half of your viewers by taking such a strong anti-conservative position with your MC? Also, how many organs can he sell to make money? I assume he isn't re-growing them. He's a playboy, yet he watches Youtube and plays video games in between flying to Europe just to have sex with European women?

    I don't see how this could succeed in any medium at the current moment.
  4. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Nov 21, 2006
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    Coquille, Oregon
    unfortunately, anything can be [and is] foisted upon the internet audience, so i guess he'll find an attainable venue and wow approving fans among the dregs of our society...
  5. evelon

    evelon Active Member

    Aug 26, 2009
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    You seem to have taken every conceivable character flaw and incorporated it into a hash mash of ?. Can't you pick out the strongest character traits and concentrate of fewer players?
    As it is, I think the only people this will appeal to are those who are depicted in your stories.
  6. thirdwind

    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

    Jul 17, 2008
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    Audience is not the issue here. Readers don't have to identify with the characters; they just have to understand them.

    Caesar, I don't see the point of this thread. It's impossible to say if an idea is good or bad (or if it will be successful) based on character descriptions.
  7. EdFromNY

    EdFromNY Hope to improve with age Supporter Contributor

    Jun 13, 2010
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    Queens, NY
    What about building schools and providing free medical care to Third World countries?
  8. Dante Dases

    Dante Dases Contributing Member Contributor

    Sep 25, 2008
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    West Yorkshire, England
    For feedback, we have the Writing Workshop. The FAQ on posting requirements in the Workshop is clearly labelled on the right hand side of the home page. The only place for feedback is in the Writing Workshop, and not elsewhere in the forum.
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