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  1. Francis de Aguilar

    Francis de Aguilar Contributor Contributor

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    How does this sentence read?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Francis de Aguilar, Aug 14, 2017.

    Not sure I have the punctuation right here.

    "Thing is Steve old chap, we're a bit worried ourselves. While you and I are sorting out the finances, could my friends take a quick peek in her room at all? Be ok that, would it?"
     
  2. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I would add a few more commas:

    "Thing is, Steve, old chap, we're a bit worried ourselves. While you and I are sorting out the finances, could my friends take a quick peek in her room at all? Be ok, that, would it?"
     
  3. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    You need one more comma - there's pretty much always a comma before somebody's name when that person is being addressed. Apart from that, looks fine to me for dialogue.
     
  4. Francis de Aguilar

    Francis de Aguilar Contributor Contributor

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    Thanks guys.
     

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