1. lostinamist

    lostinamist New Member

    Dec 25, 2011
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    Noobie here. If anyone wants to help me, that would be great

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by lostinamist, Dec 25, 2011.

    Ive decided to start creative writing as a hobby. This is my first story, I'm sure its filled with heaps of mistakes! :( ..... but yeah can anyone help me fix my errors? My grammar, correct use of words, sentence structure etc is horrible, anyways thank you.

    At midnight, a clueless entity walks alone. Surrounded by effervescent lights that shine bright, the entity has become blinded and dazed. The entity has entered a colorful world full of superficial beauty. Deluded and lascivious, the clueless entity wants what he can’t have. Searching amidst a sea of cosmetic faces,muscular bodies and luscious hair the entity does not realize he is frowned upon and is not welcome here. He is but a gremlin, an outsider with no welcome mat.
  2. joanna

    joanna Active Member

    May 25, 2010
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    Hey there! Glad to see you here. Hope you find this place as useful as I have.

    They might tell you that you have to post writing excerpts in the short stories section (and review others' work before you do.) :)
  3. cruciFICTION

    cruciFICTION Contributing Member Contributor

    May 18, 2011
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    Brisbane, Australia
    This is correct. We have an entire section devoted to having your work reviewed; it's called the Writing Workshop.
    Also, I notice this is your first post, lostinamist. For some reason, the New Member Introductions section was moved down south a while ago, but if you scroll down on the main forum index, you'll find that section and you can give us a good ol' fashioned introduction.

    As I said, we do have a place devoted to getting reviews. You'll need to be a member for two weeks and have twenty posts (as well as two posts reviewing someone else's work) before you can post your work there.
    However, since it's Christmas and you're new, I'll do you a favour.

    To be honest, it's quite good. You've misused a few words, but we all do that. It's short, but it gives a strong impression of the character's position in his little world, so you've done that quite well. Your grammar needs the tiniest bit of work (see the red commas? Those are commas you should put in to give hesitations in the right places).

    I look forward to seeing some of your work in two weeks or so. I'd like to see a good thousand words or so then! Now go forth and conquer language!

    Merry Christmas, and welcome to the forums! Direct your attention here, please.

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