For some reason, I am struggling with my WIP. I usually can do a rough draft and am really good at not re-reading or falling into the editing-as-I-go pit. But this is something different. I write a page and it feels wrong like the scene in my head isn't making it to my fingertips. It is not the usual writer's block when you can't think of the scene. I describe the scene but it just is not the way the other half of my brain where the movie of my narrative plays thinks it should look. By the end of a page, I am so thoroughly pissed I close my word processor and don't even save. I don't even have to re-read it to not like it. I know it's not right. Does anyone else experience this? It is rather a new problem for me...I have never been in a place where the scene and words are not in lockstep, even if I have to come back later and polish them in future drafts.
I'm still a newb at this, but I think that I know what you mean. I already 'live' in my fictional world, but getting it out in an informative, interesting way has been an issue.
I think I call what the OP calls a scene a mental image - but there's always a gap between what's imagined and what's described. (This is going to be a very abstract reply, sorry). It's unlikely that how the OP's imagination works has changed, but I wonder if... as their art has developed their words are starting to fit to each other better than they fit to the imagined scene. And this might be cumulative - the longer a draft gets, the more different it is from how we imagined it. I'm finding something similar as I get towards the end of my WIP - all the characters and situations have turned out differently than I first imagined, to the extent that the ending not only isn't looking like I wanted it to look, it isn't meaning what I wanted it to mean. The written scene always wins out over the imagined scene - and if the words on the page fit together coherently and beautifully, it's best to trust that the unconscious composition knows what it's doing. Another way of looking at this might be that more of the brain activities involved in writing are becoming unconscious, second-nature - and this is causing dissonance with the conscious 'editor' functions. (I think in my half-remembered Saussurean structuralism this might be seen as the OP's axis-of-syntax starting to become unconscious like the axis-of-selection normally is - so has the OP noticed any corresponding changes in what they concentrate on as they write? - is the brain putting more effort into word selection? - or on how-it-seems-to-readers which is the third axis: of context?) Or in Nietzsche's system, the OP's creative process is shifting from Apollonian to Dionysian - which might mean it's becoming more powerful and mysterious. There's probably a choice between 'go with it' and 'go back and edit every word' - but both of these need the OP to press save!
Part of my problem with this particular WIP is it is completely unlike anything I have ever written. Usually, I build my world, create my characters, then write about their adventures. For those who have roleplayed D&D, my part in the story is like the Dungeon Master...I am the storyteller and the characters play in my world. In this WIP it is not the case. Perhaps I'm losing grip on reality, but I have what I can only describe as lucid visions. I am as good as a ghost in the room with my characters and I experience what they experience. I see their faces, their clothes, and hear their voices. I smell the food being cooked two houses over, the faint aromas of bread and garlic drifting daintily on the salty ocean breeze. I can feel it when they are cold or hot. I can feel when they hurt both emotionally and physically. I have seen characters die and feel their loss like an empty, soul-crushing vacuum. The story is telling itself and I feel that I have no control over it...like I am in spectator mode, watching someone else's story in someone else's world. I don't even get to choose outcomes, who lives, who dies; not even my most cherished characters who I love like brothers and sisters. If I were a superstitious person I would almost think that I was seeing flashes of something from some other reality. When I write it, it just feels unworthy of the moment I am trying to describe. I hope I don't sound like a complete lunatic. I am, I hope, (mostly) sane.
Sometimes I also struggle with not finding the words to convey the scene in my mind's eye. When that happens, I'll write down the scene to the best of my ability, then jot down notes on how I want the scene to come across. What emotions and atmosphere do I want it to evoke, which details are meant to stand out, themes, character moments, whatever I feel is not working, just straight telling not showing. The scene is now written and I have all the notes I need to fix it later, it's time to hit save and move on. A few months down the line when I've finished the draft and get to editing, now I have some distance from the words and the scene. I might find that the words are actually pretty good when I read them as an outsider and am not comparing them to the play in my head. Or, I now have a fresh start and new angle to try rewriting and reworking things to match up with my initial notes, and now I can focus on expanding one element at a time instead of getting the whole scene down.
I generally do a synopsis of every scene in my story before I'll start writing. These synopses usually are very faithful to my imagination. But then, when I start writing the actual scenes, they turn out differently, because once my characters are in certain positions, I feel like they would do something that seems more natural, given their traits. I'm never really satisfied with my work either, but I learned to keep what I wrote even if I think it's complete trash. You can always build SOMETHING from trash. And you can't build a thing from nothingness.
Honestly for a first draft isn't that how its supposed to be? Not every chapter and paragraph is going to be a home run. I think as long as the story and any aspect of the story is being progressed, that's good enough. For the first draft. Sounds to me like just a perfectionist block.
Maybe you are right. I don't know. Its just like if someone asked you to describe debate on the senate floor and when you write it it ends up being about a furry convention and you have no idea what the hell happened and how you got there. But you sure as heck know that what you described is not a debate on the senate floor. I'm kind of sorry to have made this post to be honest. I'll drink a glass of scotch to wash away my self-pity and try again tonight.
From this description, it sounds to me your passion for this story is greater than what you may have written before and the scenes coming rushing into your mind fast and furious, so fast that its impossible to put them on paper exactly as you imagined. I suggest try writing the scene without thinking of words, descriptions, syntax or whether or not it matches what is in your mind. Just write it out. It could even be short sentences, or words. Say you wanted to include the smell of the food being cooked two houses over and could not find the exact words to describe it, you could write....heady aroma from kitchen wafting, attacks my nose in descriptive way...possibly curry, pungent, not sure what's cooking (insert later). Then come back to it later and fill in the gaps. I find this effective as it doesn't break my flow of thought or imagination. Hope that helps.
