1. Hydraphantom

    Hydraphantom Member

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    Not sure if I should change the plot or the character

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Hydraphantom, Jan 12, 2018.

    The Female second protagonist looked up to her grandpa (First protagonist) and believe it's only because of he and his policies that the country prospered. Her grandpa was a hardcore monarchist, irredentist and militarist that ultimately draw the whole country into a world war. Although the war has won, he lost the hope to live and committed suicide due to devastated international reputation and death of the Emperor. He has since become an extremely controversial figure nationally, and almost universally hated internationally.

    1929, 8 years since the war has ended, the economy has stagnated and minorities wish to break off from the empire. She has been appointed as the chancellor by the Emperor, believing as she is his granddaughter, she could again lead the empire to another prosperity. Which her grandpa has always objected, fearing her sinking into the meat-grinder called politic.

    She, deeply admired her grandpa's policies, has become a much more brutal and ruthless leader than her grandpa. But time has changed, it's 1929 not 1879, her grandpa's hardcore policies (which she poorly emulate) just wouldn't work anymore. She also face tremendous political backlash as a female chancellor.

    She tried really hard to make the empire great again, but ultimately doomed it into a massive, decades-long civil war. She finally broke down in tears as the rebels swarmed into the capital and her beloved child-emperor lies lifeless in the burning Imperial palace. Questioning what she has done wrong, and she just want to be like her grandpa, before the flame consumed both of them and the empire she so desperately tries to protect shattered into pieces.

    This is suppose to be the continuous of the story of First protagonist (grandpa), but I just feel something is wrong but cannot really see. Perhaps it's too brutal to end a story that start out like a hero fantasy?
     
  2. Seren

    Seren Writeaholic Supporter

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    Where is this set? In a fantasy world or a specific, real country? Because I'm getting a real Hitler vibe from your first protagonist. If I were you, I'd change that up a bit.

    And whose story is this? Are you saying this story is told both by the first and second protagonist? Or has the first already told his story in a different book? Also, it's hard for me to say what should be changed when I don't know why the second failed in her task.

    I know this is probably coming off as harsh, so I'm sorry about that. I'm not trying to criticise your idea. I'm just trying to get some answers. :)
     
  3. Hydraphantom

    Hydraphantom Member

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    Sorry for didn't make it clear.

    It is a real country, well, alternative history that goes from 1849 to 1962.

    The first protagonist believes that only militarism could save the empire, and it actually did for more than 6o years before the war wreck the entire Europe. Mostly I branded him as a proto-fascist out universe since I really cannot fit his political view into the graph. His story was in different books and has ended.

    Her policies failed because she tries to force a policies for a rising empire to a nation that stuck in economy recession, blindly emulate the first's economic and social policies without the first's social connection and reputation. Living as an aristocrat for her whole live definitely help make her understand what the elites want, but had a hard time grasp what the low commoners want. And her bloody suppression of minorities definitely does not help.

    Sorry for the messy explanation, English isn't my first language so it's perhaps a bit hard to get my point through.
     
  4. Simpson17866

    Simpson17866 Contributor Contributor

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    I think she's a lot more interesting than he is, and I would love to read a story that starts with her trying to live up to his memory, but ends with everything crashing down around her :)
     
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  5. Kallisto

    Kallisto Ruler of the world... somewhere...

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    I believe you're having the same problem that my least favorite book of all time (called Dicey's Song) had. So Dicey's Song is the sequel to another book called Homecoming and Homecoming was pretty decent. Just about some kids whose mom suffers from psychosis and just walks off on them one day, leaving them in a parking lot. Now they have to figure how to get to their aunt's house. It was a book that went from point A to point B. There was a conflict. So that meant once the story ended, I knew the characters either succeeded or failed.

    Dicey's Song on the other hand, didn't have anything going for it. The struggles the characters had were either easy to resolve or impossible to resolve. There was no in-between for these characters. And worse yet, there was all this stuff happening in the book, yet the book was shockingly not going anywhere. There was no resolution found in either the character's success or defeat because the characters weren't working towards anything. It was really spinning its tires so to speak. So it acted more like a prolonged epilogue then an actual story. In other words, there was no conflict that you could point to to say that a character succeeded or failed.

    So wonder if you suffer from the same issue. You've got a lot happening in this story, but where is it all going? Is there something in this book that would definitely mark your character as having succeeded or failed? Is there a plan in mind that could possibly stop the civil war that she has to execute or she fails at her goals? Now, whether she actually succeeds or not or whether she succeeds in a way that she originally planned, is up to you. But there has to be something she's doing other than having a nervous breakdown.
     
  6. Thundair

    Thundair Senior Member

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    I think you should make it personal. Who is it that feels she is not worthy?
    Show how she wants to prove her strength with brutality. The narrative can cover the broad scope, but somewhere in there, we (the reader) need to feel and Identify on a personal level.
    I love historical fiction but be careful of the voice it should never be modern. That would take a reader out of the moment. For instance I had a line in a story that said, "Father Kerdaniel (a priest) was always tickling the nuns, but they knew he was just trying to find out what's under the habit."
    The editor put, "Father Kerdaniel was trying to cop a feel." I couldn't use any of that editors stuff, because she didn't have an understanding of the time period.
     
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  7. Mckk

    Mckk Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I hope you didn't pay too much for that editor then...
     
  8. Thundair

    Thundair Senior Member

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    I was fooled by her credentials. She had just graduated with an English major and was interested.
    I thought what the hell I gave her a rough draft for 45000 words and paid her 700.
    She is my neighbor, so I paid the money and thanked her like I was so happy.:mad:
     
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