Not Sure Where to Go From Here

Hey all

So I'm looking for some guidance and/or feedback regarding a story that is actually a sequel to another story that I wrote about two years ago.

Before anyone asks, the original story is not published on here...and unfortunately, its on another laptop that's in storage and I don't have access to at the moment. However, for the purpose of th discussion here, I can give a brief summary of that story.

Trigger warning: I realize this contains some elements that might be controversial to some so I apologize in advance. This was written solely for fantasy and fiction purposes.

The story opens with a young psychologist in training who has recently left her job due to becoming too emotionally involved with a client, Devon. It is made pretty evident in the story that Devon openly expressed and and admitted his feelings to Valerie while she was working with him, while Valerie kept her own flings private , wanting to maintain her professionalism. However, a chance meeting during a rainy day in a parking lot causes Valerie to immediately panic and try to evade Devon after seeing him for the first time in several months. Her efforts prove futile, though, as she slips and falls on the concrete, knocking hr unconscious.

When Valerie awakens, she is in Devon's arms and has no recollection of who either of them are. She assumes Devon is her boyfriend, much to his surprise and delight, and he makes no effort to correct her.They spend the weekend together, and Devon is both overjoyed that he finally has a chance with the woman he loves, but also constantly fearful that Valerie's memory could return at any time. Over the course of the weekend, Valerie's memory slowly begins to return until she fully remembers everything that had occurred right before she fell. However, instead of reacting angrily like Devon had anticipated , Valerie is glad as well to finally have gotten close to Devon.

It is also worth noting that during this time, Valerie's amnesia causes her subconscious to take on its own persona, which contrasts sharply from how she would normally act, and was the reason why she readily believed Devon was her boyfriend and acted on those feelings. Valerie's new persona is also much less assertive, naive, and almost child-like, which causes Devon to take on a protective role around her.

Valerie decides to let Devon continue to believe she has amnesia until she feels the time is right. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned and their secret is found out by Valerie's former work place where Devon is still receiving services, as the two are seen together. Valerie is forced into a confrontation with her old coworkers (including some of whom had accused her of having feelings for Devon while she was still working there) and confesses everything to both her former job and Devon Having been found out, the two decide to leave and start over in a new state together

This is where the new story picks up....but fair warning..it gets weirder. I have a good majority of the plot figured out, as well as the details so I'll put them here.

Val and Devon have relocated to Oregon. Devon has easily found a job, and is supporting both him and Val, but she apparently is struggling with giving up her old career and identity and having to start over. One day at the mall while looking for jobs, the couple run into another former client , Nate, whom Val had less than a favorable experience with. Rather he had used Val as a scapegoat for his own lack of improvement and failure to make progress, and instead ridiculed her on a daily basis. Val is surprised to see Nate, and that he is now working as a mall security guard, as he had been a correctional officer when they had worked together.

Devon's jealous side gets the better of him as he instantly dislikes Nate and mistakes his sarcastic sense of humor and demeanor towards Val as him flirting with her. Val reassures Devon that he has nothing to worry about. While at the mall, Val notices a new lingerie store and decides to apply there as well, having worked in retail in the past. To her surprise, Val is hired on the spot immediately - as a model.The store owner seems a bit old fashioned and also makes a comment about Valerie "belonging" to Devon after seeing them together, which both find a bit strange, but ultimately dismiss it. The next day while Devon is at work, Val decides to call the lingerie store and accept the job. She excitedly tells Devon the news later that night, but Devon tells her he doesn't feel comfortable with her modeling lingerie. Val becomes hurt and tells Devon she wishes he would be more supportive of her having a hard time trying to find work, and that this is the first job offer she's gotten. Devon tells Val he is supportive of her, but would rather she wait until she hears from another job.

The next day, Val leaves for work, after having a fight with Devon and telling him she does not want to give up the job opportunity. As soon as she arrives at the store, Val is shocked to see Nate talking with the store manager. The store manager, Henry, says he and Nate have become friendly with him working as a security guard. Val doesn't like the idea of her new manager being friends with Nate, but tries to ignore it. Val is escorted to the back room of the store to prep for the lingerie costume she will be modeling. Val is quickly made over into a Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad lookalike- complete with a blonde wig and is instructed to return to the front of the store.

Upon seeing Henry again, Val becomes confused and asks where the presumed photo shoot will be. Henry laughs and tells her she is mistaken about the type of model she will be, and Nate injects her with a liquid filled syringe. Nate tells her that this is a type of drug that was given to more "difficult" prisoners that would temporarily paralyze them for a certain amount of time based on the dose of the injection. The side effects also include a plastic sheen look of the skin, causing the victim to look like a mannequin- as well as a truth serum before the effects of paralysis fully take over.. During this time, Nate is able to get Val to confess how she and Devon met .

Val is placed in the store window as a Harley Quinn mannequin and is told by Nate that she will receive another injection every two hours when the effects start to wear off.

So far, this is all I have. Eventually Devon will come looking for her and rescue her, but there's still a lot to cover in between, and afterwards. Like Nate verbally taunts Val in hr helpless state about Devon leaving her, once he thinks she left, and him (Devon) not being who she thinks he is. He also tells her if Devon doesn't find her, then she has to resign herself to this new fate of being trapped as a mannequin in the store.

But what else could he say to basically torture his victim?

Also- the original dosage of the injection is set to last for two hours but could be adjusted to last longer. How long should it last? Should the victim get any time away from being a mannequin?

And there will be other mannequins...Maleficent, an angel, Wonder Woman, and a sexy cat girl. Should these be other actual mannequins in the window along with Val, or should they come in later as other potential victims after Devon rescues Val.

Lastly, since Val and now Devon know all about this new plasticization serum, how should thy handle it? Or should this not be included in the story?

Any and all feedback is GREATLY appreciated. As you can see, this took a long time to write out so I appreciate whoever takes the time to read through this and give me their thoughts

Thanks!!

 

That's a lot to expect someone to read and answer a few questions about the plot.

 

Why can't Valerie look for work as a therapist? Why has she given up her career path?

 

Her own guilt about becoming involved with a patient. And feeling like she is no longer worthy. That's why she "becomes" Harley Quinn...who was a psychiatrists herself until she fell in love with the Joker

 

The parallel is weak, at best. Valerie didn't do anything unprofessional -- she did not act on her feelings toward Devon while he was her client. She has nothing to feel guilt about, and if I were reading a novel that used that as a plot device, I would be less than impressed.

{Disclaimer: In a past life I was a psychotherapist.]

 

I should have been more clear about this but Valerie specifically left her old job because she was getting too close to Devon, and he had already confessed he liked her. This becomes apparent in the first story in a flashback when she gets her memories back. The parallel becomes more obvious as the story progresses in the sequel, as she loses sense of her former identity and has to adapt to this new life. Her guilt is also apparent throughout both stories, and is used as a form of manipulation by Nate, her other former client with whom she'd had a contemptuous relationship, once he learns how she and Devon actually met. She literally is in all senses of the word is trapped in this identity

On a side note, isn't there a time limit between when a therapist and client ended their professional relationship before they're allowed to have contact? In the story, Valerie runs into Devon only a couple months after she left her job.

 

That's definitely not what I got out of your opening post:

There was no professional relationship. She had left her job, so Devon was no longer a client. It would be one thing if Valerie was still in her job and Devon had stopped coming to her -- the possibility would exist that he might return as a client. Since she had left that job, I do not see any conflict of interest or ethics. It's not like she went looking for him.

That may vary depending on location. If there is such a restriction here, I'm not aware of it.

 

Depending on the type of therapy that Devon was receiving, would it ever be professional for her to have anything beyond a platonic relationship with him? That's a dynamic that many would consider unbalanced at best.

 

To answer your question- the story would probably be best classified as suspense with some sci-fi and romance. I

will agree that the direction I took with the sequel is bizarre When I wrote the first story, I realized I didn't really delve too deeply into Val's feelings as the main character because..well, she has amnesia for the majority of the story. And when she is able to regain her memory towards the end and realizes the consequences of everything that's happened, she and Devon decide to take off together, as if to say what's done is done.

In this story, reality begins to sink in more for her now that things have settled down a bit. After all, Val is literally frozen in place for a good portion of this story, soshe has all the time in the world to think now. And this is when I feel that the main themes of the plot become the most evident, which are:

-Shamefulness: She gave up her career to be with Devon, and moves to a new state to start over where no one from her past knows her. She's dressed as Harley Quinn, a fictional former psychiatrist who gave up everything after falling in love with the Joker. She is literally forced into this new role and identity

-Insecurity: She is verbally taunted the entire time by Nate, a former client who had treated her poorly due to his own feelings of insecurity. Nate was attempting to recover from alcoholism while he was working with Val, but ultimately ended up relapsing, presumably causing him to lose his former job as a correctional officer, which is why he is a mall security guard now. By using the immobilizing serum on Val, it is almost role reversal. She's left completely vulnerable now while he has the upper hand.

-Ambivalence about her relationship with Devon: Val and Devon love each other. That is made clear..however one of the reasons that Nate makes such a great antagonist is he senses the almost...fragility of the relationship in Val and Devon's relationship. While she's stuck as a mannequin, Nate makes sure to remind Val that Devon is not so different from him- another sexist male who will revert to his old ways and let her down. Val refuses to believe him and hopes Devon will rescue her , but is also fearful that he may not be able to find her. Nat also taunts her that Devon may look elsewhere for attention once he thinks she left him.

Its funny that you mentioned another mannequin coming between their relationship. There is a female character who is hired by the store to attempt to pursue Devon...the makeup artist who helps Val get ready for her Harley Quinn costume. Imagine the betrayal as Val watches Devon walk out with her while helplessly stuck in the store window.

I also want to mention..I'm glad to hear you were scared about the unexpected turn of Val being turned into a living mannequin. It was actually very much intended to help the reader at least imagine the shock and horror Val felt as she saw Nate inject wit the serum. Not only i she trapped in the store, but she's trapped in her own body as well- and at the mercy of someone she dislikes, She is completely aware, but helpless to do anything in her situation.

 

During the flashbacks in the first story when Val starts to get her memories back, it talks about how Val was the first therapist he had ever opened up to about his trauma, which was why he said he fell in love for her...because he trusted her and she made him feel safe.

Now that being said, when Val has amnesia, her personality significantly changes since her subconscious has taken over- so the person he fell for technically doesn't exist anymore. But during that weekend while she has amnesia, they become closer than ever.

 

I feel like the mannequin twist is hard to buy. Not in that it is sci-fi, I can handle the sci-fi, but you're effectively having the lingerie store kidnap women and drug them for the sake of a window display. Not only that, but at least one of the women they know has a boyfriend who will likely come look for her if she goes missing. It seems very sloppy for no real benefit. No one really cares what a mannequin looks like, so having a very realistic one won't boost sales.

Now if this serum was being used to aid in trafficking woman that would make sense because it would make Henry and Nate a lot of money to make the risk worthwhile, but would also be very dark. Darker than I think you want to take this story. But if Henry and Nate's motivation is misogyny (and I can't think of a different motivation), they probably wouldn't have any qualms in crossing that line.

 

I was toying with the idea of having other women turned into mannequins but that makes it harder to pull off. For Nate- his motive is basically revenge and psychological torture. He thinks Val was unfit to be his therapist and her only redeeming quality is that she's attractive. She made him feel vulnerable- now its his chance to o the same to her. And when he finds out that she not only has a boyfriend- but a one who was a former client..it only adds fuel to his fire by trying to push them further apart, and having Val even more helpless and under his control.

Henry is more of a bystander. Nate basically is using him by convincing him to try this experiment for the benefit of his store. Henry may have considered the idea of his staff willingly working as mannequins to save on the cost of employees and buying display merchandise, but once Val was in the picture- Nate made sure it took a darker turn.

 

According to what you originally wrote, she had already given up her career before she accidentally encountered Devon some time later. So she did not give up her career to be with Devon.

 

She was no longer at the job where she had met Devon...but she was still working as a therapist.