How many characters (as a part of the main cast that the story follows) are acceptable in a reader's eyes, specifically in a fantasy series? For the story I'm focusing on, there are 7 in the "hero's party", and about 5 or so in the "villain's party", with other characters that come in to interact in a few arcs, and leave once they're done. Yet now that I'm thinking about how to flesh out some of the characters' backstories, I'm thinking I need to change the number to something smaller or make the perspective stay on one character throughout the story, and change the flow. I felt like I finally found a good direction to go, but now I'm having second thoughts since some of the characters seem more compelling with more tragic/mysterious backstories that could offer better character developments with secrets being revealed later on that might change how those characters view everyone else, and the world around them. I do want to continue the story with the one character the story starts with, since I've thought of some good developments and interactions. I don't know if I bit off more than I can chew with such a huge cast and so many backstories, some simple, some super complex that create multiple conflicts within the character, sometimes that the character doesn't even understand them. Are there any tips? Should I post some synopsis backstories of some of the characters? Thanks
As a rule: the number of characters per se doesn't matter; what matters is why they're there and why the reader should care. Legend of the Galactic Heroes is an anime with literally hundreds of characters (I think tallied around 550) and around 40 of them are given significant attention with the remaining characters getting rather compelling moments, characterization, and overall depth and quality. How did some Japanese college kid manage to make a novel series so grand (to my knowledge it was his first) and later see it become an anime with 110 episodes plus 50 gaiden episodes and 6 movies? Well, that's the tricky part. His source material for inspiration was the semi-historic Romance of the Three Kingdoms combined with his own knowledge/exposure to Japanese history. And yet, portraying a distant future populated almost entirely by Germans and Greeks, he compelling portrays them and their struggles as well as makes the reader/watcher care and empathize. However, with a more critical eye, I can spot the Japanese-isms that do not make sense (culturally) from a Germanic/European perspective as the cast is very Japanese and Chinese culturally even though they wear Prussian and American-styled clothing and mostly have Germanic names (that are actually German and not simply fabricated). Yet, none of this really matters because it attracted a major fan base and became a cult-classic that's having remakes and re-tellings done to this day. It was made in the late 80's... I think the key lessons to extract are this: every character is a human being (figuratively if not literally) and therefore when writing them the reader must ask "why is this person doing this? What does this say about this person? What does this build up to?" and LotGH is pretty remarkable for how not a moment is wasted--it all adds up to something, every part is meaningful. Second: perspective. One man's hero is another's Hitler. The story portrays two galactic heroes--Reinhard von Musel: from the Imperial east who is a staunch monarchist seeking to both usurp and reform his Empire so that it can be more functional and meritocratic rather than stagnant and decaying; and Yang Wenli: from the Republican west who is a staunch defender of self-determination and something of a political anarchist (or Conservative, Libertarian, etc.--there's a lot of overlap) and is highly skeptical of the emerging Reinhard and fearful that should Reinhard conquer Wenli's country, that even if Reinhard himself is a good emperor those that follow after will be quite bad and that the people of the galaxy will be totally ruled by the totally corrupted and unaccountable. The show adds more to this (as the roughly 40 other "important side characters" have their own personalities and motivations) and both the West and the East are on their last legs. The Free Planets Alliance is essentially a late-Roman republic where elected officials are more interested in re-election than actually ending the 150-year war and political terrorism suppresses both freedom of speech and opposition of the main government parties. Meanwhile the Galactic Empire is a late-Chinese monarchy where the Kaiser is about as powerful as Pu Yi (hint: not at all) and is not only cynical but the main driving antagonist for Reinhard as the Kaiser took Reinhard's sister as a concubine some time in the past. The Empire itself is mostly military-run with the nobility being rather ineffectual for the most part with only a high-tier clique having real power, and the military is essentially the real authority in the Empire (and is highly cynical and more interested in personal glory than actual victory against the "Rebels"). By portraying Republicanism and Asian Monarchism at their worst, the viewer isn't seeing what they could be at their best but what they can be at their worst. The reader/viewer has to make judgment calls on whether it's preferable to have a bad democracy or a bad aristocracy. Answer: I don't know. The show does a great job at demonstrating the pros and cons but ultimately I think the important lesson is at least standing up and trying to reform the system because if left to the cynical and the abusive it doesn't matter what system you have, it'll be crap. I know what you're writing isn't a space opera, but I think there's core lessons you can take from it: size of cast doesn't matte; what matters is that the cast is meaningful, deep, enjoyable, and ultimately contributing to a thoughtful, fun, and overall good story. Perhaps you could split the main characters into smaller parties going their own way and then portray them with their own struggles based on their own decisions. The "villains" could be made to be more human (I don't know how they are but given the language I'll assume they're more villainous in the literal sense than simply antagonists) and understandable though not necessarily sympathetic. Perhaps giving them a perspective narrator could help to humanize them (OR just to portray them in general, thus giving the reader a chance to care about them either positively or negatively) and maybe add an element of suspense/mystery as normally the protagonists have Plot Shield and always win. By making the antagonists also protagonists (in the sense of having the camera), you give the reader reason to doubt the success of the heroes as the villains are getting screen time enough to make it possible for them to win (as normally the heroes overcome all odds, but if "who the hero is" is mystified--I mean this from the "protagonist vs. antagonist" definitions, not good vs. evil--then there will be a level of suspense that otherwise wouldn't be there. Kind of like Game of Thrones, as both the good guys and the bad guys get to have their perspectives put in the series and (combined with heroes actually dying/losing at times) therefore there's suspense to go along with the action and depth.
There really shouldn't be many, or any characters that don't contribute towards the main story line. Any characters should really only have back stories that are pretty much roughly proportional in size to how much they contribute towards moving the plot forward. No one wants to go through five chapters of backstory on Steve The Blacksmith when the only role he has towards advancing the plot is shoeing the MC's horse that one time and then disappearing forever. Also remember, the larger your cast, the longer your story will eventually be. This might sound like a 'duh,' thing, but as a story gets longer the more difficult it gets to write. Everything from line editing, to closing plot holes, to knowing where your characters are, to even eventually selling the thing (after ~100k words) gets exponentially more difficult. My advice would be to start small and add as needed.
I suppose in my "re-imagining" of my story, I have the story start out with one from the "hero's party" go through an intro chapter that shows his motivations and how he thinks, reveal something about him, then resolve with him completing his job/mission but with conflicting emotions/reactions. Then the perspective changes to a different lifestyle (connected to the first character by relationship and past), and some tie-together with what they would call "daily lives". Second character gets called away for a private job, and him and another member of the main cast meet up, and that's one group. Some vague tellings later and then another character joins the two in their private job (making one group of three, two guys and a girl, all related one way or another). Character the story starts out with is conflicted with what he should do with his life, goes to do some personal mission, gets abducted, gets thrown into a gladiator arena. Meets another person who was hiding in the cell, and that's the beginnings of the second group. They escape from arena, adventure for a while, meet up with cellmate's friend, group two is fully formed (again, two guys, one girl, but all have different backgrounds and perspectives of their world). And yeah, a few of the "bad guys", are more selfish/apathetic than others, a couple of them have their own goals (or lifestyles, like mercenaries or trauma) that cause them to make different decisions that they might regret or go their own direction, like one is friends with the main character, but since that guy is a leader of a mercenary group that can change allegiances on a dime based on money being paid, it's unclear if he's good intentioned or waiting for an excuse to turn on our "good guys". The other one is a girl who suffered from serious trauma from someone she trusted and betrayed her, and then she followed through on a ritual offered by the other "bad guys" (who will be portrayed in a somewhat ambiguous fashion) to become stronger, and then she massacres the ones who betrayed her. Later finding out what happened and possibly turning on the people that she is allied with. Two of the characters are members of royalty, but their cultures are different in how they're run. The first one is based on tradition and public image, and has a more militaristic side to it, and her fault is that she goes against those expectations and is essentially doing something considered illegal according to literally EVERYONE in the kingdom, and is overwhelmed with her responsibilities and what she feels is right to her. It's just complicated because I also want perspective jumps for some moments to give insight to how one of the characters perceives an event, or to explain how something happened if they left for a few minutes from the chapter's character perspective. In other words, a lot of interconnected shiznitz. (If you want me to give specific character backstories I can)
That's the thing, the ones that are going to be named (mostly the main cast) contribute a good amount to how events occur and what the characters do because of their decisions. But now I'm worried that some are more interesting from the perspective of within their minds, and thinking that if it was a smaller cast that it would be easier to flesh out their internal conflicts that influence their external conflicts, and how their past external conflicts changed their perspectives.
I'm gonna say more later, but basically: please do give a profile (like a paragraph or more) per important/perspective character as I need to know what I'm assisting in the cooking as I might burn the meal if I get the temperatures wrong. Here: what's the job? What career? Why is there two guys and one girl? What age are they? Who are they? How do they fit (relate to each other) based on the description you have above? I think it's a good idea to pace it slowly since it gives time for the reader to care about the characters. If I see Anon slaying a Dragon, I probably would not care. However if I saw Beowulf slaying the Dragon, I would have plenty of previous stories about him that could have gotten me to not only care but feel devastated when he actually dies as a result of the fight with the Dragon. I suggest parsing out the information though; you can easily portray a character by showing them as they are versus outright telling. You'll need to tell "stuff" about the overworld story as only so much can be shown (and it's awfully strange, in most cases, to cram a lot of information into one showing unless you're super duper good and creative about it) but I'd limit the "stuff" to what's immediately relevant. Like Main Character 1's job and how that job market is going. 1's relationship with 2 could be shown; their personalities demonstrated (especially if this is first-person past-perspective or first-person present & limited as the reader is literally in their heads). Amusingly, the directionless guy finds urgency forcing him to move. Lol this sounds like an analogy for modern times (like how most modern Western countries are very cushy compared to how they used to be, and how lots of youth are directionless, and it takes a disaster in order to push them into movement). Perhaps this Directionless Guy found enjoyment as a gladiator and so pursues the martial arts as his calling and the 2 other guys are either strung along or to some degree concur. Ambiguity is ambiguous (lol). How do you mean? Please make a post with a brief on each character I fear the girl may be overpowered. In a world of magic-only does it make sense for a "girl" to be able to massacre a party of men. The mercenary leader could be interesting; especially if he's principled and generally a good guy (not all mercenaries were utterly pragmatic cynics historically; the Swiss Guard is notoriously reliable, so much so they willingly died for their charges even though they were obviously not going to personally be able to spend that money as dead men! In fact, the Swiss Guard is so reliable that the Pope hires them as bodyguards to this day). Of course being a wild card has potential, but I think if the reader is going to see things from his eyes then the reader should get some transparency (at least in terms of goals and in-the-moment impressions, although if you're skilled you could hide these things and still manage to portray him interestingly). What "feels right" is often wrong lol. Perhaps that's the growing part... Royalty can be very difficult for most people to write because not only are most people not royal but they don't know royalty either; they're hard to imagine and portray with any kind of accuracy because they're either overly maligned or overly sweetened. Perhaps studying actual royals could help, perhaps learning about the "noble obligation" most European nobles historically had grilled into their mindsets, perhaps learning about East Asian nobles and their relations with their people, perhaps all this can close the divide and help in portraying them truly. Royals/nobles can be either extremely interesting or extremely boring depending on a mix of how human they are, how plausible they are, how lovable (even if evil) they are, and the readers/writer's own preferences (one man's hero is another's Hitler after all). Plus, they are more likely to have an intimate understanding with how the world at large is functioning and overall what's going on. These perspectives could serve to inform the other perspectives, and perhaps do a bit of pushing of the world in one way or another while the other perspectives see it from a more grass-roots perspective. So far, I like the premise. I think it has the potential to be very good (like Game of Thrones, Sword of Truth, or Legend of the Galactic Heroes good!) but also the potential to be very "meh" and "wasted opportunity". I suggest you, as I would anyone, study up on human psychology as well as historical figures since not only is truth often stranger and deeper than fiction but it's a good way of informing your creations and "humanizing" them. Like all your characters could either be very good, fun, and interesting or very bland and "meh". Or a mix of good and bad (especially when you factor individual preferences into account). I ask that you please give a paragraph or more (as much as you are willing) to each of the dozen or so important characters as that helps me the cooking. I suggest you mentally create parties for each of these characters as (realistically) everyone has either friends, enemies, and/or acquaintances to butt-heads/gel with and in the real world it is awfully populated. By mentally creating human beings (even if they're only relevant for a short while) I think you take a leap closer to making the world believable, enjoyable, and perhaps even lovable.
In the real world, everyone is the main character. I suggest you treat every perspective-character as the main character at least in the creation of the story before its finalization. Like to expand on Steve the Smith, perhaps after helping the "main main character" onto his horse he then goes and discovers the main character is basically a bad guy (maybe he comes from Eastland and Steve comes from Westland, both of which are at war) and so he goes off to report to the authorities. Perhaps they do little or nothing, and so he endeavors to stop the main character and effectively becomes an antagonist because Steve decided to be heroic and active rather than passive. Or, the opposite, maybe Steve decides to help the main character. Or somewhere in between/something else. Point is, they should all add up to something in the long-term and flesh out the greater story. Steve might be the hero Westland needs (but doesn't deserve)... or maybe the opposite.
Well, the girl massacres everyone in a baron's mansion, where she worked as a housemaid. So, I suppose with her newfound strength and unbridled rage it's kind of an easy task... But I need to figure out how I'll explain that in text. Anyway, onto some of the main characters: Vice Marshal of the Imperial Army, Leucetius Suhnderholme, 6'3", 43 years old- 19 years prior to the start of the story, he used his previous position to negotiate the creation of a government sanctioned town for Demons who wanted to live out their lives in peace (families and whatnot), but 3 years after that, he gets attacked by a Demon and gets his eyes burned out (scarring the skin around his eyes as well) and blinds him. He is given a helmet from Dr. Havok that is used as a prosthetic that helps him see, as he is a proficient Lightning Sorcerer and swordsman, but with limited detail (can only see things if they have mass, like how a thermal scanner can only see things if they have different temperatures), and he then trained relentlessly every day, rising through the ranks quickly to his current Vice Marshal position (third from the top). During those 16 years, he's been trying to find the one who blinded him, at the same time killing any Demons who are committing crimes. During this time, he slowly has a conscious crisis where his body is trying to tell him to stop, that he's committing murder, not justice or justified vengeance. He finds the one who blinded him based on a witness report, and goes to find him, and kill him, however... the Demon doesn't remember, or recognize him. Leucetius kills him anyway, and just as he gets outside, vomits aggressively into the street. After this, he talks to Aiolus, a long time friend he respected after dueling him before becoming blinded, and Aiolus suggests legend hunting to make use of his fighting expertise (but is secretly a scheme to get Leucetius killed by other causes that couldn't be traced back to anyone). Ambassador of the Lumierre Kingdom,(and later Major Canicus Draugimir, 6'5", 29 years old- Orphaned at birth, he was raised in a training camp that was used to train mercenaries, or hired bodyguards. He was good friends/rivals/sparring partners with an Elven orphan named Monty John Dory. It was only natural since as a Demon, Canicus was naturally proficient in Pyromancy, and Monty was naturally proficient in Frost Sorcery, as Elven hailed from the Northern Tundra regions. Leucetius, before he was blinded, saw potential in Canicus, and offered a position at the Kingdom, in order to help mend the public's opinion about Demons. Canicus became skilled in swordsmanship as well, mostly training from Leucetius. Canicus rose in the ranks because of his natural abilities, as well as from his individual improvements, and eventually was awarded a promotion that was created for him: Ambassador of Demon Affairs. After Leucetius became blind, Canicus was the only Demon he trusted, because they trained together. Canicus ended up wearing his full armor (face hidden behind a full face helmet) because he noticed that people unaware of Canicus' involvement with the Kingdom made them uncomfortable. Later on, he gets a request to take on a personal request from a high positioned Elven woman, and he heads to the Elven Empire to take the request, only to be reunited with Monty John Dory (who ends up bribing his way to Brigadier General before he leaves, and thus gets Canicus instantly promoted to Major so ensure Canicus keeps Monty from doing anything stupid that might otherwise get him killed, as Monty is a smart-ass, troublemaker, and isn't one to stick to laws if he has an idea. He also has a habit of being needlessly vulgar.) Canicus tends to keep to himself because of his race, yet doesn't know the full story behind why people are wary to help Demons. Lady Zilla Lumir, of the Lumierre Kingdom, 5'10", 20 years old- Twin sister with Ina, she is expected to carry out the family tradition of becoming proficient in Light Sorcery and serving as an example to the next generation. However, she discovers that she is naturally proficient in Dark Sorcery, specifically Shadow-mancy and Necromancy. She tries to keep this a secret, as the only ones who know are Emmaline(also a Dark Sorcerer) and Dr. Havok. Her personality almost contrasts Ina's as she isn't fueled by praise from everyone else, and tends to be more mild mannered, sometimes sarcastic as she sees her father's "demands" as tiring, and the only person she needed praise from was her mother, who died from a terminal illness when she was younger (her mother supported her Dark Sorcery, as it could be used as a way to change people's opinions from conflicts that happened in the past). She has internal conflicts, such as obligation of marriage and duties to her future role, and decides to venture outside the kingdom, and Dr. Havok blackmails her by revealing her studying of Dark Sorcery, and this hurts Ina, and Ina's actions are easily influenced by other's decisions (mostly from Dr. Havok). Later on, she joins Canicus and Monty and the three venture in search of Leucetius who has been reported missing. Lady Myrelle Aquaria, of the Aquairium Kingdom, 5'8", 19 years old- Youngest of three daughters in line to become future queens of the Sharul (fish/elven hybrids naturally proficient in Hydromancy), she is the rebel of the family, being the most fashionable but the most eager for an adventure. She becomes good friends with a wandering Mineral Sorcerer from the neighboring Desert region named Azibo. She meets up with Azibo and Leucetius after the two of them break out of the gladiator arena, and Leucetius' personality clashes with Azibo's eager curiosity, and Myrelle's enthusiasm. The Sharul are more entertainment focused than the other kingdoms, not having an official navy, but a separate island that is open to all the races that they use as their entertainment district. However, the Sharul's culture is open to polygamy and gay/lesbian preferences, and because of that, Myrelle is bisexual, and tends to be bold in some cases. After both groups meet up, Zilla subconsciously develops feelings for Myrelle, though she is unsure how to react to this because the Lumierre kingdom isn't very accepting of gay/lesbian relationships. Myrelle makes the first move, causing a secret relationship love-triangle between Azibo, Myrelle, and Zilla. This eventually causes tension between Azibo and Zilla when he later finds out about Myrelle and Zilla's affair. Nyx Fulleville, 5'11", appears 24 years old, actually 568 years old (depending on what happens with the general timeline of events, could be older)- Worked as a housemaid for a Baron who she got referred to by relatives. She enjoyed working there, and one day was approached by Emmaline who made a compelling offer to gain strength (Dark Pyromancy ritual). Nyx turned her down, on the basis that her life was fine where it was, and she was just a simple housemaid, so why would she need to become stronger? Emmaline uses a Mind Sorcery incantation that plants the way to their location where she can take part in the ritual. Rumors began circulating that the Baron was looking for a romantic partner, but who the lucky person was, no one knew. Months later, however, she gets betrayed by the Baron she trusted, and is violated, traumatized by the incident. She makes her way to Emmaline, and takes part in the ritual, taking a dosage that is slightly higher than the average amount the other members took. With her newfound power, and fueled by unbridled rage caused by the ones she trusted, she takes a kitchen knife and makes her way back to the mansion. Arriving unbeknownst by the rest of the staff, she kills everyone inside, including the Baron. Since then, she has been terrorized by a recurring haunting nightmare that makes her wake up in a cold sweat every time. Sleep medication has not helped to improve this, and she has gained a fear towards falling asleep. She doesn't know what influenced the Baron to violate her to this day. She is now proficient in Shadow-mancy, Dark Pyromancy, and Necromancy. And finally, the final duo... Emmaline Viktrosa, 5'9", appears 32 years old, actually 895 years old- One of the original Sorcerers that helped to spread more advanced Sorcery that was kept hidden by the Demon Federal Empire (which was actually a civil war within the Demons). Master Dark Sorceress, proficient in Shadow-mancy, Necromancy, and Dark Pyromancy. After influencing the Baron to "force" Nyx to follow through with the Dark Pyromancy ritual, Nyx became her personal bodyguard. Emmaline is in a relationship with Dr. Havok. Dr. Oliver Havok, 5'11", appears 31 years old, actually 893 years old- One of the original Sorcerers, working alongside Emmaline, he became well versed in Mind and Sonar Sorcery, pioneering majority of its uses that the large majority of the people don't even know of yet. Growing up, he became very familiar with multiple topics in the medical and scientific field. He is able to control people, change his appearance, use telepathy, alter what people perceive, alter memories, absorb memories of people he touches (instantly learning decades of muscle memory and research, meaning he not only knows Mind Sorcery, he knows every other branch). He's been an influence in multiple people's lives, and he is the cause of Leucetius becoming blind, by controlling a Demon with a Marionette spell. He also buys out Aiolus and the rest of his mercenaries' allegiance to make them a part of his task force, eventually giving Aiolus an excuse to have an all-out battle with Leucetius to finish a duel they had in the past, on the premise that Aiolus "wasn't fighting at 100%". There are a couple others I didn't get into detail about since most of their story was explained through other characters, but still influence the story enough to be a part of the main cast throughout the large majority of the story.
Thank you. There are very many problems with this character. #1: "Vice Marshal"? I never heard of that one. In countries where Marshal is a title, the rank directly below it is "General". However this is more a stylistic concern than anything as what a rank means is ultimately up to you. It sounds strange though. #2: "Luecentius Suhnderholme". Is he Roman or Swedish? This is a reoccuring problem: lack of ethnic consistency in naming, and thus it's hard to identify who comes from where because, unlike real life, the fictional characters all sound like they come from the same place even though they're vastly different countries and cultures. #3: Adding on his high military rank: doesn't he have some seriously more important things to do? He ought not have much (if any) time for personal vendettas as a general since it's a highly involved rank (especially if his empire is at war with another country). I suggest demoting him to a foot soldier on a pension since having a highly important military rank that would without a doubt involve a lot of work (drilling troops, arguing with other generals, accepting/refusing political bribes, etc) and has little time for serial killing or adventuring. #4: He's really old. At 43, while highly ranked, he ought to have very little time for himself. Is he married with children? If not, why? It's highly unusual for a military man to be a bachelor (especially in most historical societies at most times since infertility is largely a modern problem). He ought to have a half a dozen children old enough to be second lieutenants, at least.... #5: I suggest you make him MUCH younger (like 19) and change his backstory a bit to be about his PARENTS being murdered by demons as that better justifies his rather strange life and lack of responsibility in spite of being an old man with a highly rigorous job. Perhaps if he was maimed by his parents' killer (assuming you go with making him a young man) you could keep everything else but just make him younger to justify his apparent lack of responsibility and accountability (shouldn't the media be all up in his face about his killings? Shouldn't his Emperor or Generalissimo be flaying him figuratively if not literally? What's going on here?!). Overall he's not that interesting due to being both a nutjob and rather old yet life-wise unsuccessful (i.e. he's unmarried, childless, and most likely will remain so given he lived 2/3rds of his expected life already). #1:How does Leucetius know a guy from a whole other country? #2: How in the world can some Irishman BRIBE some giant demon into a high rank? Is Lumierre really so corrupt that high and valuable ranks are purchasable like candy or is Monty John Dory just REALLY, REALLY, rich? #3: The age difference between Cancius and Leu is awfully... well, is Cancius like a son to Leu? Or...? Why's "Dark Sorcery" so maligned? Are "Demons" just demonic in name only? How in the world is a (presumably human) country so at ease with DEMONS? And if they're cool with the volcano dudes, then what's wrong with "Dark Sorcery??" She doesn't sound very interesting; she sounds like some kind of lesser noble who's too comfortable to be responsible yet not comfortable enough to have to be responsible. Basically she's a 12 year old adult. #1: *facepalm* #2: This is sounding less like an epic and more like a high school romance gone wrong. How in the world does foreigners from several different countries manage to meet face-to-face and receive help from a highly exotic and promiscuous princess ? And why would Lady Zilla "develop feelings" for Myrelle so quickly? They must be sexual only, because Myrelle has no virtues to speak of. #3: It doesn't make sense for a very sexual and "open" country to co-exist near more conservative ones. In fact, it's extremely nonsensical for a highly sexual and "open" country to exist... at all. Usually they're just backward tribes in the wilderness that get dominated for their lack of unity and long-term planning, and occasionally (like in Rome's case) a country that got too comfortable and thus lost what made it strong in the first place. Promiscuity and r-selected behavior is typical of countries that... well, are either ceasing to exist or are enslaved by countries that are much more K-selected in their nature. The world doesn't make sense from a psychological or historical viewpoint, and the lack of ethnic distinctions in names (especially given how they're not just different races but different species is not only un-immersive but confusing. Everybody is a weird Anglo-Saxon-Roman admixture!). Sounds not only boring but overpowered. Magic tends to ruin stories due to its unpredictable and (insane) nature; I suggest you establish some very firm and simple rules so that mind-control and massacres are not so... easy. I think Tolkien and George Martin do magic in literature best. Or refer to really old Western fairy tales for more "grounded" magic and write your own Witcher (so-to-speak). Magic also brings into question everything that we take for granted now. For example: why have armor, weapons, or protective walls when magic can destroy it easily and magicians are fairly common? Why aren't magicians in charge of everything? Why do non-magical people exist (because evolutionarily, magical people would have exterminated non-magical people due to the astronomical differences in power)? And lastly, why are people really evolved at all (since magic destroys man-made innovations so effortlessly they're pretty much not worth making in the first place, thus destroying the drive to invent and create)? I think the video game series, Star Ocean, did it fairly well. Magic is almost entirely a weapon, and it's not so strong that man-made weapons cannot compete. It's also about as strong (for the most part) as some man-made inventions (like catapults) and thus doesn't make them obsolete (or kill an incentive to invent them at all). As for magic's impact on society: Star Ocean 3 rather wonderfully put forth the idea that a magical planet generally doesn't evolve beyond medievalism because magic is such a huge labor-savor that technology becomes not even secondary due to the utility of magic (meanwhile planets without magic prioritize technological growth instead and usually become stronger than magical ones over time). It's also very good at having an incredibly diverse number of races, species, and cultures while making them rather realistic in terms of their representation, how they evolved, how they relate to other species/races, and overall... everything. A common historical trend is that neighboring countries aren't all that different from each other (even if they are bitter enemies) compared to ones from one end of the planet to the other. You can't "buy out" a mercenary company's allegiance like stocks in a company; they ultimately have to say "yes". And given who's armed and dangerous, it's definitely not in favor of the guy with money but no protection... My biggest criticism at this point is that these characters don't make sense, they aren't grounded in any kind of reality, and it involves a lot of "magic" that isn't interesting in and of itself. Also, as I've said above, the naming conventions are inconsistent yet consistent (like everyone is an Anglo-Saxon-Roman even though they're as diverse as fishmen, literal demons, elves, and presumably human beings). Side note: why is everyone a giant??!! I strongly suggest zooming out and working on world building some more as the cultures are... well, how does two very contrary cultures co-exist comes to mind firstly, and well... It just doesn't make sense. What country does Leu come from? That wasn't explained. All I know is that it's a human empire. And he likes to spend his infinitely vast spare time with kids like some kind of creepy old dude and kill demons who are apparently just another species of humanoids. I suggest you zoom out a bit and focus on the world first. Then the core characters. And then, from their perspectives, slowly describing how things are. But make sure those things make sense. As the Aqua Kingdom is about as realistic as... well, mermaid-run kingdoms. Especially if it's geographically close to highly contrasting cultures. And somehow existent in spite of being presumably r-selected. How's the family structure like? What's the core values of these given countries? What are their stated vices (that they oppose)? Etc. These questions I need answered as I did not expect to have to ask. While characters drive the story, their story loses a lot of meaning when they and their world doesn't make sense. And while magic has been called a metaphor for madness, I think that's especially true for this fictional world as it's so mad as to be highly unbelievable. Therefore I'd like to "Zoom out" and start talking about the countries and their cultures since that helps explain the peoples. The main characters are in themselves a basket case, but they sound like they're living in a planet-sized high school so that'll need attention first as they aren't as odd and exotic as they would be in real life...
>Irina Yeah... looking at your critique and thinking back on what I imagined, I guess you could say I'm trying to build a model house, but the only thing I have built is the toothpick frame, and then the characters are little pieces of styrofoam glued together and the glue is oozing out the sides. You're right, I do need to zoom out and paint thicker brush strokes first... I need to do research on government structures and whatnot. This isn't discouraging, it's good that someone is giving me the nitty gritty questions and picking about what I have (I mean, that's why I joined a couple of these writer help forums, to get advice). I mean, when I first looked at your critiques, I felt embarrassed, but after giving it a few minutes I looked it over again, and honestly... I did come up with majority of the new stuff rather quickly, so that might've made it... Sloppy. (or crap) I mostly wanted the characters to interact with each other a little more, but thinking about it, it does look forced. (and yeah, I'm obsessed with height, I can't help it, I'm tall myself) Looking back at it (zooming out, per se) the world in this story might be too big for me to tackle in the format that I currently have. Maybe if I take the perspective in another direction and keep the "human contact" minimal in order to keep the world perspective smaller, then it might work out better. I can't really answer those other questions that well since... Well... Obviously I didn't really think about them that much since I tried to get around that by giving them less screen time. I do have another idea that isn't quite as fleshed out (just characters) but that world is much smaller by comparison. God... Yeah, back to the drawing board.
Oi Anaszewicz (pronounced "Ana-sha-wish?")! You ought to @ me or quote me so that I can notice you! I only found this reply because I thought this thread seemed thicker than I remembered it being. Anyway... You gotta start somewhere. Most people aren't even capable of that. You ought to take pride in being creative enough to even have a skeleton (because it's the skeleton that you put the meat on and form the human with). That's a good attitude but be skeptical to advice; I am not a published author making money enough to pay the rent, therefore I am less qualified than one who is. That's a very important detail since a writer's talent is most easily measured by how many people are willing to pay for it. Don't be embarrassed. I would blush if I told you what I started writing at 11... 0.0 At least as an adult, I'm much wiser and more mindful than I was then. However I must give my child-self credit for being bored enough to write in the first place, and thus begin to figure out how to best do it as well as cook up ideas. And I didn't really have anybody to compare with since I didn't have the Internet. Yet, when I first shared with some classmates (2), I was extremely happy when one of them was so addicted to my writing that she read 600 notebook pages worth over the course of two weeks... And, in contrast, another friend told me I invented a replacement to the sleeping pill! I think I've improved massively since, but I did feel very gratified by the high-contrast reception. And from there, I've grown, and while I am still young, I spend time writing and risking failure because I can still get away with failing (on one hand) and (on the other hand) I have the potential to really, really succeed. At least well enough to make rent, which is well enough for me since I'd love to live by my work even if it's only enough to live in a cheap apartment. Amusingly, so am I. I guess you could say I'm a "gigantophile" since I've always had a thing for giants since I was young even though I am average height. All my friends (save one) have been taller than me too. I had to reduce the height of many of my characters as six feet became the average... 0.0 I suggest you zoom out, draw (on paper) a world, and then zoom in on a small, tiny part of it and go from there. For help world-drawing, dry ripping a paper apart and then assembling it into continents (as that forms a square like Pangaea, thus making it seem more real). Once you have a world, focus on a specific place and let your mind wander based on what you want to write (namely from perspectives of the main characters). Using the real world and history can be very helpful. As a Japanophile and general Orientalist, I tend to find the Far East a rather interesting place for inspiration. Europe is great too since it's our roots and makes a good compare & contrast to East Asia. History is a very valuable teacher as well as that teaches trends of very many things. I like to prioritize reading about rulers and dynasties and generals and wars since that's all interesting stuff and I've gathered a lot of surprising information ever since I started. One Shadiversity is a very good source for Medieval information (while also being entertaining); and pretty much any game made by Koei is an entertaining way to learn about East Asia. I think you should do the opposite: slow down the pace and let the characters breathe so to speak. Your chapters should have a point/add up to something, but if you're still in the "Alpha Stage" then perhaps you should simply focus on building characters before setting them off to do things (perhaps have a general "thing" to aim towards like world peace or love or glory and then from there you have a common goal for at least half the cast). Please share. Even if you have to use the alphabet as names! I think the characters drive the story. And if you feel unconfident about your worldly knowledge, you have the entire Internet to learn about human beings, history, psychology, etc. YouTube alone is full of teachers (although, obviously, be careful since even super geniuses disagree). You may decide to scrap this story but you needn't scrap the characters or ideas. Simply "repurpose them" much like how game developers re-use assets. You might have assembled a faulty structure, but you have assembled iron, concrete, and (glue?). Just re-arrange them mentally and imagine going through them... I prefer to do it organically and wing things since my mind likes to wander. I think creating a self-insert character might help. Even if that character will be deleted by the time the book is done (maybe that character could be the "general narrator" above the POVs or be a minor character who happened to have studied the events of the plot and decided to compile it together) I think this is a useful exercise since the reader often inserts into the novel via either the main character or as a watcher. By doing this... Well, just try it and see what happens. I find it useful for "feeling the waters".
@Irina Samarskaya (It's pronounced "Anna-seh-vidge", btw) I'm also guilty of looking up names in those name databases, and just picking what sounds cool, so that might also be a problem with my world development, since you said "where do these people even come from?" earlier. (I'll just copy paste from my notesheet, I might change/remove some characters if I feel like I don't know how to introduce them in a normal fashion without making it feel like "follow me, MC, to MORE side characters you'll talk to just for this chapter!" (insert sparkles and hand-holding Peter Pan style). -_-) Main Characters: Zane – Swordsman Light brown hair man skilled in one-handed sword combat. After his many failed attempts to find the path to their homeland, his hair has turned black and his eyes from an amber to a dark down. While the failed attempts to leave the land only affected his physical appearance, he has almost lost hope at ever returning to his homeland with his beloved, Yasuko. His sword is forged from glass and obsidian, the handle made from blackened steel. (I changed him to fall into a coma somewhere in the beginning, and that motivates Yasuko to adventure on her own) Yasuko – Archer Blonde woman proficient in archery. Much like her attire, she is elegant and lighthearted, often a physical and metaphorical beacon of happiness for Zane, her beloved. She spent many evenings and afternoons hunting and waiting for Zane to return with news of being able to return home, and has tried to keep faith in being able to find a way home. Through her depression, she has become a typically quiet person, but her curiosity remains intact, a trait that has been most beneficial towards working smarter, and not harder. Her bow is forged from golden brass and steel; her bow has been said to be virtually indestructible. (also WIP) She wears thigh high leather boots (low-key fan of them) Genesis – Horse White horse that Zane and Yasuko used to enter the land. Zane rode Genesis multiple times through the forest marsh to attempt to find the entrance back to their homeland, but after so many failed attempts, Genesis has turned into a black horse. Thankfully, Genesis’ personality is still intact. Lazarus – Wolf White wolfdog that Yasuko has raised. Lazarus often portrays human behaviors that helps Yasuko rethink her actions when she and Zane first entered the land. Lazarus has been Yasuko’s companion when she hunted or took a few hours to think or write in her journal. Herzog – Workshop Architect (Only in Writing) Even though Zane and Yasuko never met him in person, he is their saving grace in the land that they are forced to reside in; his workshop weapons and blueprints have helped them survive and discover new groups of people that will eventually help them return home. His workshop is in the basement of the Grand Cathedral that Zane and Yasuko have called home, hidden behind a statue of a (supposed) forgotten goddess. The weapons and tools that Yasuko and Zane use have been versatile during their hunting. However, even after ten years, there is still much to learn about their new home. Zane, Yasuko, and Herzog first became acquainted through a letter that he left behind in his workshop for anyone else who might have dared to enter the land. Side Characters: Virgil – Warden Knight of the King Knight who worked as a guard of the king in many years past, but has been reincarnated as a bodiless suit of armor that is large enough for a tall, muscular build. Large and hulking in size, he uses a heavy tower shield as his defense and weapon. He is one of the few people who can recollect life in the land before they all reincarnated into their new forms, even what people used to look like. His armor is a desaturated rose-gold, with silver as a secondary metal for his chest and waist sections, and matte brass as a secondary metal for his helmet, arms, and legs. His gauntlets are rather bulky, with elegant vambraces. He has a slight bevor, decorated short great helm. He is extremely protective of anyone who he perceives as righteous or innocent, first becoming acquainted to Zane and Yasuko during a pursuit of a mass of crows orchestrated by Cedric. Isom – Pontiff of the Spider Church Religious leader who has been reincarnated into a Drider, a spider centaur. Him and the rest of his religious council and church has been reincarnated into Driders, and have turned their once prominent church into a cult of spiders, littering their clock tower cathedral with webs and keeping it dark, the only source of light being luminescent red stones. The reason for this is because they aren’t fully proficient in night vision, but are sensitive to regular light, so in order to see well, they use the red light as opposed to white light or torches. They use large red stones in lamps, sconces, or lanterns to light the hallways. While it is abnormal for a large group of people to reincarnate as the same being with the same purpose, he has admitted that most religion is organized like an elaborate web of lies; an almost fitting form for the church staff. He still wears his white and silver gown and brass headdress. While they resemble humans from the waist up, they possess some spider qualities, like spinning webs and spitting globules of mucus-like spit. Columbus – Ember Knight of the King Knight who worked as a guard of the king in many years past, but has been reincarnated into a living mass of embers, capable of projecting great flames from his hands, and radiating heat. This new ability isn’t much different to when he was alive in the past, as he made use of flammable powders and other forms of explosives. He is as tall as Virgil, but incredibly slender by comparison. His weapon is a tri-blade zweihander with an extended handle. His armor is blackened steel brigandine, slightly warped to be more form-fitting, with his burgonet concealing most of his face, with the part of his face where his mouth should be is exposed; he has no facial features. While still faithful to the king, he portrays examples of selfishness, greed, and corruption, possibly due to his many years spent as an immortal being of fire, but also portraying examples of faithfulness and fearlessness while helping Zane and Yasuko. Judson Soltenbris – King of the Dark Sun Former king of the now forbidden land, he has been reincarnated into a being of darkness and light. He possesses the ability to control the shadows and souls of men, being a skilled arch-mage, he can create apparitions and shadow figures, as well as control the sun and light alike, and is a skilled swordsman. (He went through a modification, but not sure what I'm gonna do with him) Vincenzo – Ninjutsu Battle Dancer Third Phoenix Brother Used to be the third sibling of a traveling group of performers, has been reincarnated into a half-phoenix person, but does not possess the ability to fly. He wears a burnt orange sash around his waist, his feather cape is made of a combination of brown, grey, and white speckled patterns, and somewhat loose fitting baggy grey pants that are tight around his ankles. Vincenzo’s feather cape is closer to a kori bustard’s in color and pattern design; not all that colorful for someone of “phoenix” status. He is proficient in hand-to-hand combat, using his finger blades and foot talons during his acrobatic fighting style. While he might have been close to his siblings when he was alive, he doesn’t remember that bond, as all four of them have different personalities and loyalties to each other, as well as the roles they now play in the land. Vincenzo has a face that can be described as an eagle’s glare. Diana – Left Wing Battle Dancer Second Phoenix Sister Used to be the second sibling of a traveling group of performers, she has been reincarnated into a half-phoenix person, and possesses the ability to fly. However, she can only fly with the assistance of Gail, her brother and other half of their wings. She wears a feather cape that drapes over her left shoulder, black stripe near the shoulders, white, and pink-red on the edges. She and Gail can fly by embracing each other with their less dominant arm, gripping the leather straps that they wear around their upper bodies. Her appearance is similar to a hummingbird’s. Her and Gail, while they acknowledge and introduce themselves as siblings, interact with each other in a very loving manner, often making others question if they are really siblings. Their strategy is often to lull travelers into a false sense of security for safety, and then trap them within their Grand Hallway synagogue. Gail – Right Wing Battle Dancer First Phoenix Brother Used to be the first and eldest sibling of a traveling group of performers, he has been reincarnated into a half-phoenix person, and possesses the ability to fly. However, he can only fly with the assistance of Diana, his sister and other half of their wings. He wears a feather cape that drapes over his right shoulder, black stripe near the shoulders, white, and maroon on the edges. He and Diana can fly by embracing each other with their less dominant arm, gripping the leather straps that they wear around their upper bodies. His appearance is similar to a peacock’s. Him and Diana, while they acknowledge and introduce themselves as siblings, interact with each other in a very loving manner, often making others question if they are really siblings. Their strategy is often to lull travelers into a false sense of security for safety, and then trap them within their Grand Hallway synagogue. Ethelyn – Ram Daughter of the Northern Lights Used to be the king’s daughter, has reincarnated into a person with ram horns sprouting from the sides of her head, curling around her ears, and wearing a wool fleece dress and silk scarf. She is still caring and kind, like when she was alive, and likes to share her joy and happiness with others. She spends most of her time playing her pan flute under the night sky, illuminated by the moon, stars, and northern lights. She lives in the same castle as Sylvi, and is the only person to be immune to her cursed touch. Her new role is closer to a priestess, being able to use magic for healing, repair, and defensive purposes, such as changing the air humidity and shifting light to make people invisible. She is Cedric – Bard of Crows Battle Dancer Fourth Phoenix Brother Used to be the fourth sibling of a traveling group of performers, has been reincarnated into a half-phoenix person, and like Vincenzo, he does not possess the ability to fly. He wears a black trench coat with orange scarf around his neck, large wide-brimmed hat, and his feather cape is a combination of deep navy’s and purples in the sun, but appears black as night in the shade, much like the crows. He plays the piccolo to control a flock of birds, most commonly crows. His combat style is similar to Vincenzo’s in where he is proficient in hand-to-hand combat, except he mostly makes use of his legs and toe talons, primarily to keep his hands safe to play his flute. His appearance is closest to a cassowary. Celeste – Razor Locust Queen of Insects Used to be the queen of the land, but has now reincarnated into an entomolinguist, someone who can control insects and talk to them. Her trademark method of reminding people that she is still alive and well and sending a large horde of locusts with razor sharp wings and barbs on their bodies throughout the land in an irregular shape, but almost always in a loop. She mostly uses predatory insects (or insects with painful stings), such as praying mantis, tiger hornets, tiger beetles, velvet ants, tarantula hawks, bullet ants, and driver ants. Her attire looks similar to an insect’s exoskeleton, resembling a scorpion, as full-body armor, her helmet covering the back of her head and ears, and resembles a crown while leaving her face exposed. Solomon – Warlock of the Sands Used to be a timekeeper and clock-smith for a village, has reincarnated into a warlock capable to controlling sands and lightning, shaping them into whatever he desires. He uses armguards that extend to the backs of his hands, with large jewels, and large disc bracelets on his wrists; the jewels are used for lightning manipulation, and the bracelets for his sand manipulation. He isn’t human, closer to a skeleton made out of constantly moving sand, like an hourglass that is constantly turning. He wears a cape, large fur neck wrap that half covers the back of his head, ornamental gold rings that clip to his jacket, silk banners drape from his clips down his sides, his chest is exposed, and an eerie cyan glow emanates from him. Gottfried – Wandering Explosive Expert Used to be Herzog, the workshop innovator, in the past, but has now reincarnated into a cloaked mass of black smoke who is still rather proficient in tinkering. He uses a rapid fire crossbow that fires explosive bolts. While he is neutral in the affairs of good and evil, he acts as a one-man-army against both sides, much to everyone’s dismay; either way, both sides ignore his antics and simply attack him as a form of defense to chase him away. Since his body has no weight, he is extremely quick, agile, and flexible. He doesn’t remember any specifics about his past, just the fact that he was an inventor in a workshop under the Grand Cathedral. He doesn’t remember where the Grand Cathedral is, nor what it looks like, but the only face he can remember is the woman in his pocket watch, who he believes to be his wife; every other face in his memories, even his own, looks like a formless orb of smoke. Zarola – Vulpine Huntress of Bloodlust Once compassionate and selfless, she was a single mother of two children whom also acted as a mother figure to the children living at the small church in her desert town. Being a part of one of the few dark-skinned towns in the southern region of the Clarfutur Citadel territory, not to mention being a resident of one of the smaller towns, so she didn’t meet many merchants, and she was shy to anyone she was unfamiliar with. When the ritual’s rebound reached her, she was reincarnated into a vulpine-hybrid with numerous canine teeth that extend past her lips, also gaining the ability to open her mouth wider than ordinary humans, a fox tail, retractable claws, and pointed ears for improved hearing. She wears her curly black hair in a ponytail, with a thick fur ring scarf, black arm warmers, and black vest jacket. She also wears a short sleeved ruby tunic with a black threaded embroidery on the sleeves and torso reminiscent of her previous culture, with black leggings and black knee-high combat boots. As a side effect to becoming highly carnivorous, she gained an extreme lust for flesh, muscle, and blood, and gaining strength through others’ suffering. Meaning she constantly needs to feed to survive, even if it means on other people. Sylvi – Ice Queen of Erotic Lust As beautiful as she is cold – to an almost literal sense – she commands the ice and snow in the northern region, where she lives in her castle of mirror-like panes of ice. Evangeline – Scholar of Gravity Manipulation Always seen with an apple in hand, this bespectacled girl has a mind like an encyclopedia and can manipulate the gravitational pull of herself and objects around her. Vivienne – Malevolent Goddess of Life and Transformation Worshipped as a benevolent goddess of good fortune and life, the white ravens that were unique to her statues were signs of good luck, and the opposite were signs of bad luck. They were seen only during the winter after a fresh blanket of snow had fallen over the land. The white ravens were just as bad luck as the black ravens, and the white ravens favored Vivienne for they were birds of rebirth; as were the phoenixes of legend. Vivienne was a goddess full of lies, and she found immeasurable pleasure from toying with worshipper’s lives. Her name means “life”. While she is a beautiful goddess – in depiction – her statues have her eyes closed. Upon revealing her true form, it is shown that her eyes are full black with a halo of glowing orange at the iris, pinkish-purplish-gray teeth, graying skin, grayish blond hair, pale colorless lips, blueish fingers and toes, sunken cheeks and eyes, pale purplish splotches on her arms and legs, her white silk and cloth robes have yellowed from age, and are stained with long dried blood stains, now a black color, splattered across the skirt; her body looks as if it is decomposing. When the King and his two Knights gathered the necessary materials and set up the ritual as recorded in the ancient text to grant the royal blood immortality, there was an unwritten rebound. Instead of granting the greatest myth and gift upon humanity, the ritual summoned her, where she cast a curse upon not only the castle, but the entire land: everyone will lose their memories and will be reincarnated into different forms based on their livelihoods, or by her own volition. Of all religions, the worshipping of Vivienne was the most intricate web of lies of them all.
Privyet Polski!?! If you used baby-names sites, you'll note they're divided by many different races. After a while, you'll notice some trends. I'd start with basically using only German names for Group 1, Russian names for Group 2, English names for Group 3, etc. until you're knowledgable enough to start experimenting. Real names are cool after all. Time for me to review what seemed like Dark Souls met Record of Agarest War... Sounds like the main character. I'd be interested in starting with him as a boy and going from there. Maybe his interested in blonde-haired Japanese girls will be explained over time... For now, I'll imagine him as a Polish potato farmer with Japanophilia (I'm using real ethnic groups as a substitute for fictional ones here). Sounds like a Japanese housewife who dyed her hair blonde and is ready to support her husband on some mythological Odysseus-like adventures! Or at least take care of the kids who might make good protagonists in the long run... Do you have any idea how hard it is to draw a bow (especially a historical one made to penetrate armor)? 100 pounds is the average "decent" bow that can maybe hurt someone within roughly 4o yards. The greater the distance, the lesser the effectiveness. Archers (on the battlefield) were made to shoot at as close a range as possible for maximum damage before letting the spearmen rush forward for the melee. Outside of sieges, they functioned similarly to musketeers. The best archers (of English and Qing descent) could draw bows that were over 150 pounds in draw weight. However this was not an easy feat and very taxing on the muscles, yet the results justified small but elite archer corps before muskets proved much easier to train people and arm people with (as well as generally better in every way but reloading--and even then, archers were not made to shoot quickly but shoot powerfully). I suggest seeking out Shadiversity for more realistic weapons for women. Hunting bows are more manageable (about 70 pounds) but still taxing on the muscles for healthy men. I think a spear (like a naginata) makes a lot more sense as they're wielded with two hands (thus making them much easier to wield) and give reach to compensate for the smaller and weaker female body. Lol. I like how Zane and Genesis were both physically altered by their life experiences. Reminds me of Fable. I think it's a bit outlandish (unless this horse is a special horse) but it can work. I suggest starting small; Zane (I prefer a more Slavic name, honestly) could start off as a boy learning from his parents... and then go from there. Yasuko could be the daughter of a merchant who was permitted by the local lord to immigrate due to his good character and productivity. Did you know his name means "Duke" in English? I suggest not using titles as names, as that's especially confusing in a world where historical titles like Duke (or "Herzog") are used. He reminds me of the white-bearded blacksmith of Dark Souls. Perhaps he could be a semi-magical support character.You could humanize him by also making him a loyal and loving big-brother type to Zane (assuming similar age) or uncle-type (assuming 10+ years older). I will assume human ages for simplicity as adding ageless immortals is another can of worms. Lol they all sound like anime/JRPG bosses! Especially the Pheonix siblings lol. Or the "Ice Queen of EROTIC LUST!". I think "Yuki-Onna" will suffice lol. I have a thing for albinos so I'd appreciate some "representation" lol. I know you said these are characters in your head and not a solid story, but I think you can still use them. Tell me, right now, what kind of story do you feel like writing? Adventure? The kind where a guy and his wife explore exotic places and do crazy things with crazy people? A somewhat more serious story of feudal warlords vying for regional supremacy? A somewhat exotic story of a man who explores not-so-distant yet strange places and regularly returns home for supper and his expanding family? I think you have a lot of potential with eh Mains while the Sides could be used for lore (or as bosses in a video game sense, as most of them fit that mold far better than not).
@Irina Samarskaya True, I was just like "this sounds cool, done" and just going to throw it all into the pot as a sort of "because it's FaNTasY yo!" reasoning, but I digress. I actually used the premise of Shadow of the Colossus as a framework for the motivation of the story, but Soulsborne as a whole is a great inspiration for mythical weapons for me. Yeah, again, they fell prey to my "this sounds cool" syndrome. And the bow part, I came up with that on a whim, then did research on ancient archery, and that came into play for my other story (and now I critique other movies where the character uses a bow, because I'm like "they're doing it wrong, yadda yadda". I'm gonna have to change it, obviously, to make sense for a feminine body. I will definitely do that. I kind of wanted "weapon diversity" since originally, the two were supposed to be together, and in my head I thought "both of them can't use melee weapons, that's not good strategy!". Thanks! I'm not really all too familiar with Fable's world, but I thought of the world as a cursed land that didn't want you to leave, so I figured I kind of "toll" would be the best way to do a "show not tell" type deal (something the characters could figure out on their own without a mentor/guide). I actually did not know that, lol. That was a name I found and then put together with Gottfried and I was like, "This sounds like a really badass name". He's definitely the tinkering type, that's for sure. I kind of wanted the "world" they find feel really empty but slowly find the few people that are willing to assist them, or just cause trouble for them. Lol well, she fits the bill for very pale skin. I guess their description and titles do make them sound like bosses, like I said earlier, I'm a fan of Dark Souls. Guilty as charged. So far, for this one, it's a combination of adventure and exploration, where they discover this weird world that is part of legend, and then find out that the legend is mostly a trap and is under a curse from a misrepresented goddess that finds weird pleasure in messing with people's lives, and then work with the people who are trying to live out some sort of life in their home, but is now morphed by their new forms and personalities and abilities. I just like the sound of "let's go on an adventure", as that's what makes half of the games I'm really into really fun, because it's something new and I get to run around and look at the scenery and enjoy it, and then of course have fun with fighting people like the Abyss Watchers and teaming up with Siegward to bring down Yhorm and fulfill a promise. And yeah, the side characters were meant to give some bits of lore in some interactions, some more than others.
lol I was guilty of that once! Ironically, double-melee is actually quite effective--especially with armor! However I think it'd be more interesting if the Hero went on his escapades alone but checked in regularly with his wife (kind of like Bloodborne, actually). I would reverse the premise though to be Zane basically being curious and wanting to go off and explore exotic places through a convenient short-cut that separates his hearth & home from where he explores. That changes the tone, but only for him. I think it deserves the change because it allows the possibility of making and raising babies (exploring family life) while also conquering the crazy world on the other side of some great (and convenient) divide (which would equate to a "work life" lol). Believe it or not, happily-working and functional couples/families are extremely rare in literature. With such a messy world, why not have the Hero's own world be fine and dandy? Not to say "no conflict", but be a place where he can recharge and think before going back into the conflict. Kind of like how actual families are supposed to work. I find the premise of a mixed family/adventure rather intriguing. Ironically it feels rather big. Gottfried means "God Freed" or "God Given", so do consider the baby-names sites and sorting by ethnicities so that you can establish some kind of subtle consistency. Gottfried actually makes sense though since he's "given" to Zane as a necessary helper. I think you could make an interesting story if you combine adventure with familial foundation. It'd be very unique and comparable to only the Journey to the West (a Chinese classic) spliced with Record of Agarest Wars (for the generational/family stuff and greater over-arching plot that guides them) and Dark Souls (for the world-inspiration and story-inspiration, especially the wackier elements of it lol). Perhaps they could be humanized (for some) or made into semi-legendary history for others. I suggest simply writing from the perspective of the Hero and starting by showing him go from boyhood to young adulthood and marriage to Yasuko-chan before departing to adventure like the madman he is. From there you can concoct the obstacles, towns, etc. and blend realism with mysticism (i.e. the real with the unreal, as realism makes the unreal stand out more rather than "blend in"). Does the name "Rance" mean anything to you? Suffice it to say, there's a very similar fictional goddess in another fantasy world. Not a bad thing, but I wouldn't have her be the "Big Bad" so much as "one of many adventures". I think she'd make an interesting antagonist since Hero might be more interested in... well, she's an attractive woman who is super ancient and wise and powerful, use your imagination!... and in spite of that, has to find a way to reign her in so the poor suckers don't get pushed around anymore! Sounds like a lot of fun. I suggest you double-down on this then and forget about more politically-charged stories since I think you're much better suited for exploration and discovering new and exotic lands than you are at building a fictional version of Europe or Asia. That being said, learning about history and psychology and lots of other stuff can help inform your fictional creations so that they're more "realistic" and thus make their wackier elements more enjoyable (since it's wacky but not so wacky that literally anything could happen--and not in the good way. It helps to have consistency in most things, like people needing to eat for example of something simple). If you like, I'd be happy to read some drafts should you start making them. I think this Hero's story could become very interesting should you embrace exploration. Take a cue from Bloodborne's isolated haven (which equates to Hero's home and hearth) and I think you've got a real potential for adventure fused with purpose (the purpose being a mix of "I want to! I'm a nutcase!" and "I have a wife and kids on the way, I gotta get phat loot to provide for them!") mixed with an "actual town" of people who are generally helpful though (at least initially) skeptical of our eccentric hero (and I envision him to be rather eccentric, much like a Souls protagonist).
