1. OurJud

    OurJud Contributor Contributor

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    One of those sentences

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by OurJud, Aug 24, 2016.

    I've just written one of those sentences that initially makes you feel really proud, but then starts playing on your mind as you winder if it's technically correct.

    The sentence is:

    Finally she spoke. Her expression changed to one that suggested she didn't believe a single word of my bollocks, and cared even less.

    But now there's a part of my brain that's asking, 'Even less than what?'

    I could fix it with:

    Finally she spoke. Her expression changed to one that suggested she didn't believe a single word of my bollocks, or even care for that matter.

    But I like the rhythm of the first.
     
  2. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Don't change it. Don't add that bit I added. That's just the logical thing that I assume when I read that sentence. It doesn't need to be added. It's good as is. :)
     
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  3. OurJud

    OurJud Contributor Contributor

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    Yes, cares even less than she believed. It seems so obvious now but my brain wouldn't process it.

    Thanks.
     
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  4. big soft moose

    big soft moose All killer, no filler. Contributor Community Volunteer

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    I might be inclined to trim it a bit

    Finally she spoke. Her expression changed to one that suggesting she didn't believe a single word of my bollocks, and cared even less
     
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