1. Shani

    Shani New Member

    Sep 5, 2019
    Likes Received:

    Query Letter Paranormal Mystery- Query help!

    Discussion in 'Query & Cover Letter Critique' started by Shani, Sep 5, 2019.

    Hi everyone. I've been working on this query for a month now and I'd appreciate any insights you offer. Thanks!

    Dear *****

    A serial murder case with no witness or evidence is Detective Carleton Lavely’s last shot at keeping his job.

    The murders have a common pattern—a slit on the wrist. As Carl tries to uncover the clues, his list of suspects keeps growing. But the case isn’t his only concern. He is also experiencing voices and images in his head; he can talk to fire and draw people’s past with soot—all triggered by the consumption of a magical drug at the height of inebriation. Then there are whispering trees and strange sand pits that make people vanish, and these are not the aftereffects of the drugs.

    He finds a captive couple—victims of mafia mugging. The husband is in coma, and the wife, Lily, suffers from TBI and has no memory of her attackers. When a murder is attempted on Lily, Carl draws a similarity between the killing patterns—slitting of the wrist. And this time Lily is able to identify one of the members of the mafia ring to be her attacker.

    Lily’s claims seem to be straightforward. But Carl must know better. He must see through the deceit. Finding the real killer could require Carl to do more than just mortal investigations, and facing him could mean facing death himself.

    THIEF OF BREAN is a completed 75000-word paranormal mystery novel and is first in a planned duology.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.
  2. erik martin

    erik martin Active Member

    May 20, 2010
    Likes Received:
    San Diego, CA
    The first suggestion I'd make is to shorten it, a lot. Condense the five paragraphs here into two. Distill your book down to a hook and nuts and bolts.
    Shani likes this.

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