Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Jason Borne, Nov 29, 2011.
You don't need to write the majority of that, it isn't required. They know what's required in electives, whoever's reading it, that is. The only part that is useful of that whole paragraph is this: "Students should be allowed to only take classes that are related to their major to avoid spending extra money and time at a college." And instead of 'allowed' put 'required'.
Your intro paragraph should bring up your topic, state your stance, and at the same time acknowledge what you will be talking about in your essay specifically. The paragraph you have outlines what the problem is, but knowledge of the problem is already assumed. What you wrote might be useful in following paragraphs, but overal you need to describe your problem more broadly, your point about money is a great one, I would require more than just one though.
I would suggest brainstorming heavily before writing your introduction. Introductions are usually the hardest part of any essay to write after the brainstorming itself. Think hard about what you're going to write. If you come back here and can, even in point form, state what you will be talking about, then that will help you write your intro. Perhaps you already have that.
Separate names with a comma.