What do you think about the plot so far? It is Cliche? Should I change the background of the main characters? What is the best title for it? Just need feedback and criticism. I'm planning to post the story on Wattpad once I wrote the first three chapters. There would be dual narratives from both Kala and Jace. A romance story about a Caucasian boy named Jace who is from the suburbs of New York and is 21. He has a drinking problem, smokes cigarettes, goes to the club every single night and is a player, but he has a gift for playing the guitar. To get out of his reckless behavior, his mother send him to Hilo, Hawaii for a month where his father is suddenly staying for vacation in the summer. Jace rarely talks or visit his father since his parents got a divorce before Jace turn thirteen. However while in Hawaii, Jace falls in love with a native Hawaiian girl named Kala. Kala's Story: Kala is 19 year old Native Hawaiian has been living in Hilo, Hawaii even since she was born. She goes to hula school to become a professional hula dancer and hula at the Hilo festivals. However when she is not at school, Kala has to babysit her younger siblings and take care of her grandmother who can't take care of herself since her mother is at work. Because of this, Kala hardly has any time to get out with her friends and find freedom for herself. She can't get over her father's death since he died in a unexpected accident not too long ago. She thinks her family fall apart even since his death. However, things change for her when she fall in love with Jace.
I've definitely seen many versions of very similar stories before, so I can say that the plot alone doesn't make me want to grab the book. It ultimately depends on how unique and interesting you can make everything else than just the basic plot. I immediately imagine that the girl is going to straighten up the guy and the guy is going to teach the girl how to have more fun, and I've seen that many times before. Still, it's not like it doesn't have potential, so don't feel discouraged to write it if you feel like you have something good.
I agree with @U.G. Ridley that the setup doesn't sound too unusual. The unique aspect, I think, will be the Hawaiian culture. Do you know enough about it to write it authentically and vividly? If so, I think I'd like to read the story--always fun to mix learning into enjoyment. If you can make me feel like I'm in Hawaii, and more than that, if you can make me feel like I'm in the brain of this Hawaiian girl, with all the resentments and insecurities and dreams that are typical of the age, mixed in with her Hawaiian heritage? I'd be in. But if all you've got is hula school and angst, I don't think I'd bother.
@U.G. Ridley I'm an amateur writer at the moment, so I'm trying to pull more plot ideas for the story to make it sound less basic. Like focusing more on their families, talents and success other than the romance part. @BayView I'm am currently researching more about the Hawaiian culture and learning different things that I'm going to put in the story. I'm trying to put more ideas into the female character and maybe scratch out the idea of being a professional Hawaii dancer. Maybe she hates being a hula dancer and wants to have another job she dreams about like a painter? Just thinking of ideas to make her sound less cliche.
Why Hawaii? Why not someplace like Springfield, IL or Minneapolis? Is it because you daydream about going to Hawaii yourself? I always hear "write what you know" - if you aren't that familiar with Hawaii or Hawaiian culture why not start the setting a little closer to home. Have your characters plan to run away to Hawaii together, - they both want to escape their current situation so why not make the story about their need and desire for escape and whatever means you can think of to get the two from where they are at the start of the story to either they are okay with not getting to Hawaii at the end of the story or they have reached Hawaii. You can make Hawaii a common dream they both share. Maybe Kayla dreams about becoming a hula dancer and practices what little she can find out about it online or through videos and so forth. Maybe she's interested in a variety of different types of dances and hula is just one of them? A lot of things you can do to make it less cliche.
It's hard to know what direction to go with this--I definitely support the drive for diversity in romance (and pretty much everywhere else) but I think it has to be a confident perspective on diversity, if that makes sense. Like, if you were Hawaiian yourself, or had done so much research on the area and integrated yourself into the culture enough that I could read your work and feel like I was getting an authentic perspective? Fantastic. It would raise your story above the been-there-done-that plot line. But without that authenticity? There's nothing wrong with standard plotlines, especially in romance (and mystery, and SF/F, and every other genre category). But I don't think I'd be all that interested, myself.
Thanks for the ideas. This story plot was in my head for a while now and I was just thinking of writing this story since it rarely seen books about diverse couples. However, I have to research about the culture, food, locations and other things associated to Hawaii to make the story sound more realistic. The two main character escaping from Hawaii sounds like a good idea. I currently have writer's block and still thinking how to change the plot of the story.
@BayView From researching about the Hawaii, I learn it would take great difficulty to research more about Hawaii and familiar myself with the culture. I'm thinking of changing to setting to New York City since I been to New York a couple of times and learn more about the places. Maybe the girl lives in New York City and the boy lives in a suburbs. Thinking of ways to change the plot line around.
I'm not sure where you're from, but... there's nothing wrong with setting romances in the middle of nowhere. Don't feel as if you have to stretch for some glamorous fantasy -- there's nothing wrong with writing about plain-old reality.
@BayView From the pieces of information you just give, I'm now setting in the story in New York City and some other places in the USA. Coming up with the ideas to change the plot around because of the setting. I'm from South Carolina by the way.
Sade where are you from? If you aren't from the US, maybe one of your characters can be from the country where you live. The US is full of diversity no matter what place you visit or set your characters in.
@NeeNee I'm from South Carolina which is southeastern region of the USA. I'm was thinking the New York City and another state to set my characters in. The setting in my state would be a good idea.
Well Sade why not make one of your characters from SC? Or set your story there? Just because it seems commonplace to you doesn't mean the rest of us know anything about South Carolina. If you write it well you can make South Carolina come to life for those of us who have never been there. I am in TN btw.
I agree with @NeeNee - I absolutely loved Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and a big part of my interest was how the book made Charleston come alive. Way more interesting than some NYC book where I've read the setting a million times already!
@NeeNee and @BayView, Thanks for the advice. SC would be a good setting for the book since I was born and raised here. Just have to change the plot to make it work. By the way, I'm going to check out the books that Bayview mention. Hardly read any books set in my state.
I love the advice to set the story where you live! I wrote a very popular fanfic years ago there the MC's both relocated to where I live, and it was very heavy in details about the food, festivals, activities, etc. here. I plan on using the same idea for a new original story (I should really finish my WIP first, but I've been blocked on it for months and am starting to think I need to move on for the time being). A lot of readers were very surprised that there were so many interesting things about my mid-sized Midwestern city - it has a reputation as a dull, blue collar area, but in the last 15 years or so it's become much more sophisticated and metropolitan.
Why don't you send him to Europe. Thinking completely outside the box, what about UAE, Saudi or Turkey?
I decide to set the story where I'm from which is South Carolina, However, I need to make major changes to the plot. Thanks for the advice btw.
