1. Thundair

    Thundair Contributor Contributor

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    POV in loose third

    Discussion in 'Setting Development' started by Thundair, Jun 9, 2021.

    I have several battle scenes in my WIP and was wondering if the POV of Sobieski is too loose for the battle as he really couldn't witness all of it.
    What should I use as a POV to narrate the event. Below is a typical battle of what I speak. I apologize for the rough draft, but this thing is fluid right now, no sense in correcting garbage.


    The next morning the scouts reported the Tatars, and Cossacks were coming. This time Sobieski put the Raven Warriors some distance away, out of sight. He brought his cavalry to the front, backed by the infantry at an oblique angle that would compel the Tatars to stay out of range and move into the waiting warriors.
    Arrows from the Tatars finding their range fell short of the hussars. Sobieski held back their charge and yelled, “Hold the line!”
    Moments passed, the horses chomping the bit, stamping their hooves and with the slash of his saber through the air, Sobieski released the hussars. Their horses neighed as the bridles tightened the bit to direct the charge. And with a thundering beat of hooves, the pennants snapping in the wind; the hussars charged.
    The warriors let out a fearsome yell that built intensity to the rest. And with an eerie drone of the feathers, the hussars leveled their lances to engage. Arrows from the Cossacks and Tatars filled the air, finding their mark among the warriors.
    Bodies were skewed on the hussar lances and men screamed a dying breath. Lances spent and tossed aside, weighted with the dead of the enemy. The hussars brought their sabers from their scabbards and punished the Tatars with slicing blows that left a witness of streaming blood as lifeless riders fell to the earth. The advantage was soon to be Sobieski’s.
    When the Tatars’ arrows met their mark among the hussars, they left a few rider-less horses in the charge. The close proximity of the fighting had robbed the strength of the Cossacks, as it had taken from them the ability to use their bows. To those that had met them in battle before, knew well of their skills and marksmanship of releasing arrows at full gallop.
    Outnumbered by the Cossacks and Tatars, the hussars had split their formation, pushing them into the Raven Warriors. The warriors were at the ready with lances level and impaled many of the enemy in the first pass. Sounds of groining men and snorting horses filled the valley floor. The scream for a retreat pierced through the noise. And the Cossacks along with a few Tatars turned and ran in full retreat, only to be met by Sobieski and his infantry. A volley of musket fire echoed in the valley, raising a flock of birds out of the nearby trees. The smell of gunpowder lingered in the smoke. The devastation of the dead and wounded Tatars and Cossacks was great. With the smell of battle attacking Sobieski’s senses, there would be no final pass to end the life of the wounded. He’d had enough and sued for armistice.
    His focused turned to the care for his men and allowed the enemy to gather their wounded and bury their dead.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2021
  2. Joe_Hall

    Joe_Hall Active Member

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    Battles are probably easiest to write in third person omniscient. As you pointed out, Sobieski could not see an entire battlefield so if you are wanting to narrate the entire battle, third party it is. I would suggest changing the POV to first person limited if the story is just about Sobieski's contribution to the battle. I am assuming this is the Battle of Podhajce?
     
  3. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    Omniscient or objective. Either one gives the ability to see things no character could see but that the reader needs to know about.

    I'm a little iffy on the rules for objective. I understand you can't shift into and then back out during a scene, but I assume it's OK to use it for the end of a chapter and then begin the next chapter in a character's POV. And I think it's OK to shift into it during a scene (a chapter) from a 3rd person POV, but I'm not sure. Safest to cut to a new chapter that's entirely in objective. I have yet to find any info on this or to see it done in a book.

    With omniscient I believe you can shift between it and various characters' POVs with no more than a paragraph break or a scene break ( *** ). But it isn't something I have much knowledge of or experience with.

    PS—That gigantic text is hurting my eyes!! :cool: o_O
     
  4. Thundair

    Thundair Contributor Contributor

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    Yes it is. My warriors are a group for hire not mentioned in the original history books.

    Sorry for some reason when I cut and paste it always drops in bold.
     
  5. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    Bold you call it! That wasn't bold, that was too big to be a satellite. Nice work on en-smallening it.
     

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