I am doing some editing on an ms written in omniscient narrator and someone has queried if another characters thoughts should appear in a chapter that is not in their POV. He shrugged and climbed over to the cupboard. There were about six shirts, all in their wrapping, along with loads of other rather nice clothes. “I will wear one this once ‘cos I need to, but I am not dressing in your ex’s clothes.” He picked a plain white one and put it on. “Fair enough, that’s much better. We going?” she asked, bending to pull on the recently rediscovered boots. More poetry in Denim and another lottery win for Dick. Maisie wondered idly if a whale somewhere in a far-off ocean was falling in love with this lift as it moaned its way down Brecknock Tower. They headed to West Hampstead, up Elgin Avenue and through County Kilburn. They got to the meeting at about seven fifteen, Gemma was there, in the foyer talking to someone.
I think there may be some confusion about terms - if you're writing in omniscient, then the chapters aren't in any character's POV - they're in the POV of the omniscient narrator. So, yes, in true omniscient it's possible to report on any character's thoughts... but I'm not sure you're writing true omniscient.
My only confusion is in this part: Who is Maisie? I'm guessing she's the "she" mentioned before and it's clear enough from the previous context. I lack that information so that was startling to read. I don't see POV problems here, but it seems that there's an abrupt change of setting in this paragraph. First they are inside, suddenly they're on the elevator. That was abrupt. So, not a matter of character's thoughts but changing of setting. I'd need more context but maybe that needs a break of scene there. Also, it should be a dot instead of a comma here, I think: They got to the meeting at about seven fifteen. Gemma was there, in the foyer talking to someone.
Well, what makes you think this chapter is "not in their POV"? Are you just saying that none of the chapters are in anyone's POV, or that this chapter is in the POV of one of the other characters? I've never been able to write omniscient - it intrigues me, and I like reading it, when done well, but I'm far from an expert on it. In general, though, I think omniscient POV is best when there's a clear narrative voice that is not one of the characters'. Think of Austen, for example, and that wry way she had of making fun of all of the characters, even the main ones we find sympathetic. The famous opening to Pride and Prejudice is a clear example. That's the independent omniscient narrator talking, not any of the characters. But if someone has a test or a clear way to distinguish omniscient in the absence of a clear narrator, I'm interested...
I think Tinker Tailor, is a good example. In that the narrator knows all, chooses what to reveal, but remains virtually invisible.
Okay, so then in your piece - are there different POVs in different chapters? We're back to the "not in their POV" issue.
Honestly I don't think it's a big issue. If you really want you can just side step it; have someone ask her what she's thinking and have her tell us and that'll clear it up. But I think that's an odd piece of feedback to get. If they mean that it feels out of place to them (and they know the context of the whole book) then fine, but even so the sample you gave doesn't read as odd to me.
Oh man, nothing irritates me more than this narrator! It makes me want to throw the book against the wall. Seriously, it gets on my nerves. I can think for myself, thank you, just show me the facts and I'll make my own judgement. But a narrator doesn't have to be omniscient to do this. A first person narrator can do this "better" (worse) and I'll want to throw the book against the wall all the same. Back to the OP, I think the question here is that someone had an issue with expressing the thoughts of two different characters in the same scene. That's omniscient, according to definitions. But now that I read it again, it seems to start on his POV (because we first read about him) and change to her POV, but it's too short too tell. We're only given her intimate thoughts, not his. For all we know, this could be all in her POV. However, I still think the problem here is the abrupt change to the elevator. A scene break there and it's all solved. Not a POV problem.
I think it's a matter of taste. The Narrator from the Hitchhikers books is, to my mind, one of the best characters in any book ever. Just constant dry wit and going on comic digressions and generally pepping up the whole rest of the book. The actual events of the book wouldn't work without him, so much of the comedy is between the lines, in the absurdness of the setting. He (I say he; the narrator was a he in the radio series) ties all these weird things together. And he implicitly breaks the fourth wall constantly. The fact he thinks we need to know about the war that the babelfish caused is a bit... Well, he's telling us to make us laugh not because it matters and that is acknowledging the reader, albeit in a back handed way. But there certainly are places where it's obnoxious. HHGTTG works because it's all over the place, all the time and you're never more than two seconds away from a joke. That doesn't really apply elsewhere. I somewhat agree that I don't like that sort of narration, at least in serious books. The narration needs to dovetail with the rest of the material. You can imagine a horror book being narrated by Vincent Price; but not a romcom, well, not a romcom written by someone other than me anyway . You can certainly be a bit self aware, a bit snarky and cynical but only if that fits the book. Where that's true or not is up for debate I suppose, but for what it's worth I don't have a problem with Austen's narration.
Comedy and satire are the only exceptions that will not make me want to throw the book against a wall. But only if it's funny, really funny. Now, like we all know, sense of humour varies. I've read pieces like this trying to be funny that weren't funny at all to me. The comedy/satire author must be aware that not all people will find it funny. If it's not comedy or satire it irritates me to no end. I've put down many Nobel winning books because of this very issue. Authors making fun of their characters. Sorry, no. Meanwhile, this has nothing to do with the OP. Sorry, OP.
Well, this is very understandable. Earlier in the book there is a reference to the noise the lift (not elevator) makes, resembling whale song.
