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  1. Alicia K

    Alicia K New Member

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    Query: Middle-grade Island Adventure

    Discussion in 'Query & Cover Letter Critique' started by Alicia K, Mar 31, 2021.

    Thanks for stopping by! I would love your feedback on my query letter for a middle-grade fantasy novel.

    Dear X,

    Flower Island’s delicate pink shores, crashed by emerald-green waves, hide dangerous deathtraps, and Moia is clueless about what a simple decision will mean for her survival. <insert title, word-count, target audience, and personalizing statement).

    When twelve-year-old Moia trudges along with her father to his farm and catches sight of a strange boy lurking in the bushes, she is curious enough to chase him to the river and brave enough to dive in to save him from drowning. She emerges on a strange island, and the force--or whatever it was that brought her there--had disappeared, leaving Moia stranded. Desperate for a solution to her predicament, Moia is forced to follow the boy, Andem, a curious lad with hair of glowing flowers. Flower Island, as it is called, is no ordinary place. There are strange creatures, crawling trees, glistening rivers, and island people, Floras, who grow strange flowers from their heads. At night, the flowers set the island ablaze with their glowing petals.

    After Moia and Andem are seized by guardians of the island, a worrisome overseer and his council of sages--of whom Moia is heartily suspicious--send them away, along with a guardian, on a dangerous journey to a neighboring island to hunt for a sage. Things soon go swiftly and horribly wrong on the treacherous voyage, and Moia and her friends are in for a struggle for their survival. Even the beautiful flowers hide perilous threats. In Thornland, they meet the reclusive sage--a scientist of sorts and a man who is not who they thought he would be. He is in fact a woman who, despite her reluctance, proves instrumental to Moia’s difficult circumstances. But if Moia is to find her way home, she and her friends must first survive Thornland and then make the perilous journey back to Flower Island.
     
  2. Alicia K

    Alicia K New Member

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    Please say if you find the story interesting and why. If you do not like it, please say what you don't like and why.
     
  3. Alicia K

    Alicia K New Member

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    I have updated some things. Please see below.

    Dear Ms. Agent,

    Flower Island’s delicate pink shores, crashed by emerald-green waves, hide dangerous deathtraps, and Moia is clueless about what a simple decision will mean for her survival. Flower Island is a X,000-word fantasy novel that is intended for middle-grade readers. It is a story about a young girl who, armed with curiosity, finds adventure on a tropical island that her wildest imagination could not have conjured, but this magical island might hold on to her forever. Insert personalizing statement.

    When twelve-year-old Moia trudges along with her father to his farm and catches sight of a strange boy lurking in the bushes, she is curious enough to chase him to the river and brave enough to dive in to save him from drowning. She emerges on a strange island, and the force--or whatever it was that brought her there--disappears, leaving Moia stranded. Desperate for a solution to her predicament, Moia is forced to follow the boy, Andem, a curious lad with hair of glowing flowers. But Flower Island, as it is called, is no ordinary place. There are strange creatures, crawling trees, glistening rivers, and island people, Floras, who grow strange flowers from their heads. At night, the flowers set the island ablaze with their glowing petals.

    Moia unwittingly finds herself on a dangerous adventure when the island’s overseer—of whom she is heartily suspicious—send her and Andem, along with a guardian, to a neighboring island to hunt for a Thornian gentleman. Things soon go swiftly and horribly wrong on the treacherous voyage, and Moia and her companions are in for a struggle for their survival. Even the beautiful flowers hide perilous threats. In Thornland, they meet the reclusive Thorn--a scientist of sorts and a man who is not who they thought he would be. Worse, he is unwilling to help Moia. Now, Moia and her friends are uncertain of their fate as they navigate the unfriendly terrains of the Thornian Island. Far more troubling, Moia is uncertain if she will ever find her way home.
     

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