I have a character in my book whos death is basically the inciting incident. I need to establish a relationship between him (Caleb) and his older sister (Teagan) quickly. Obviously, since she has been taking care of him since he was born it makes sense that she would be devastated when he died, but I need the readers to get (at least a little) invested in their relationship. Any tips? Something that would be worth mentioning- their relationship is similar to that of a parent and their kid because he's been her responsibility.
I think bantery dialogue is a great way to do this. Have them tease each other, have a little in-joke to allude to their shared past, be casually affectionate with each other. Different relationship of course, but something like the way my brother and I talk to each other -- "All right, see you, be careful, asshole," or, "Hey dumbass when are you gonna get your engine checked out" -- things that show concern and love while still being offhanded. I think those kinds of things can imply a lot about a relationship. Nicknames, being comfortable being 'mean' to each other.
I realize the example I'm going to give is from a completely different medium, but Ori and the Blind Forest did an amazing job of investing players into the relationship between Ori and Naru in the first fifteen minutes of the game. They used visual story telling, but I don't see why you can't do the same in writing. Show some genuinely happy moments of them together, then show them genuinely caring for one another when things start to get bad, then rip the readers' hearts out by showing the moment the brother dies and how devastated the sister is when it happens.
I agree with @izzybot. You could also have a serious or sad moment between the two of them, such as talking about their parents or what life was like before she had to take care of them.
That requires some what I call "Human moments." These moments don't have to be complicated. In fact, it's better they're not. A simple dinner scene where a kid arrives late. Her dropping him off at school in the morning. These scenes have three things if done correctly: 1) they represent the character's normal life. 2) They're relatable to the audience. 3) They involve interaction between the two characters.
My problem with 'bantery dialogue' - especially if it's used to open a story - is that it can seem shallow if it's not expertly crafted. Even more so if we don't know the characters yet. Whose POV are you using for your story, @wrabel ?
They could be discussing their hopes and dreams. She promises him one day they're going to see the sun set over the ocean and then....x_x
Thank you. I'm thinking about opening with her picking him up from school and walking him home which leaves room for some dialogue and also shows how she takes care of him. The original had her feeding cats on the rooftop (which had no relevancy I just wanted to write the scene so... this is much better)
That's a good idea. Perhaps involving something "special" they do during this time, some kind of unofficial tradition (like him holding her hand the whole way or when they walk by a house he thinks is haunted, etc.). It could show his dependency or at least how he feels safe around her. Since you're writing in first person, you could have her think about how she's always loved being his protector or something. Does that make sense?
Thank you. It does make sense. There's actually a house that is filled with murderers in my book so it would be funny for him to think that house was haunted (I'm not sure I'm going to do that, I just thought I should mention it)
No problem! I'm glad it made sense. That's funny that there's a house full of murderers you could use for that idea. I hope you're able to find something that works!
I don't have any tips. But if you need resources/inspiration: The protagonist in Big Hero 6 has the same set up. He's taken care of by his brother, who dies early in the movie. Lilo and Stitch is also a classic example. Nani (who is only 18-19) looks after her rowdy little sister, Lilo, after the death of their parents, because she is terrified of Lilo getting put in foster care. Nani doesn't die, obviously, but it's still a good example.
I would suggest that, instead of opening with a wad of dialogue, open strongly in the head of Teagan. Let us know, via her character, how she feels about her brother, Caleb. When she looks at him, what does she see? Is he vulnerable in some way? Does she feel responsible for him? Does she fear for him? Why? Is he clumsy, or careless, or inexperienced or naiëve? Or does he exude capability and confidence, causing her to marvel at how he got so competent at such a young age? Does she depend upon him ...maybe as a confidante? Is he the one person on earth who truly understands her? And etc. Explore her feelings, and let the reader in on those feelings and what causes them. What is her feeling when the school doors open and he comes running out, heading straight for her? Relief? Does she notice that his shoe is untied? Get us there.... Don't expect dialogue to do all this work for you. Remember, a lot goes on inside people's heads that is never verbalised at all. This head stuff is what a novelist has direct access to. A scriptwriter has to depend on good actors to allow us to guess what's going on 'underneath,' but a novelist doesn't have these visual cues. Instead, the novelist has narrative. So don't be afraid to use it. Let us know exactly what Teagan's attitude toward her brother is. Show us what her inner reaction is to whatever is happening during the scene. You can punch a bit of dialogue in there, of course, to give the scene a spark. But don't try to make dialogue do all the work.
Suzanne Collins did it through contrast in Hunger Games. In the otherwise bleak world Katniss lived in, it was clear from the way she described her sister Prim that Prim was the only thing that was good in her life. That Prim was fresh as a raindrop (I still remember it 'cause I thought it was beautiful). Prim barely makes an appearance before she's chosen to enter the Games and it becomes a climactic and emotional moment when Katniss takes her place voluntarily. Later Katniss goes to meet Gale and pretty much the entire love triangle that's established in the trilogy hung upon that one scene between them - it's the only time you really see Gale for the rest of the book. He gets mentioned at the end and returns at the beginning of Book 2, but otherwise that scene at the beginning was it for a long, long time. I'd read the entire beginning of Hunger Games 1 and see how it was done.
You've got that right! Begin the chapter with Teagan's musings. I'm working on a chapter that has my three protagonists in the wilderness sitting around a campfire for the night. I began the chapter from the POV of Adeline's thoughts, as the experience is completely foreign to her. If it were a garden party or recital, Adeline would be quite at home. But in open country and entirely out of her depth, it's her that I want to introduce the scene. And that the girl is well educated and sarcastic, and very self absorbed... I can dust off my purple prose and have at it. How else could I compare the first glittering stars at night to cheap whores! Autumn dusk had settled over the rolling hills, setting a quiet fire to the horizon with smears of copper and crimson against a dark violet sky. But how soon the last stroke of twilight had given way to the first twinkling stars—those jewel-eyed ladies of the night that for a threepenny will whisper sweet nothings in the dying of the light. Such were the breathless musings of Adeline as she scribbled away in her diary and sat by the crackling fire, over which hung an unlucky rabbit on a crudely fashioned spit that Mabel would turn from time to time. Adeline stirred, disquieted. Dark thoughts, she brooded, for a dark night, and careful not to disturb the magpie perched on her shoulder, put aside her diary. She gently stroked the magpie’s head with her fingertip and contemplated the fix she was in; she was hiking in open country with two girls she barely knew, and with an eerily resourceful bird following her no less. And what’s to be made of Mabel’s aunt, whom she’d thought quite mad, but now it seems that Marie-Jeanne is the only sensible woman in these backwoods! All day she had toiled on uneven wagon roads whose only direction seemed upward. She was cold and uncomfortable, and not the least bit pleased she’d been forced along on this misadventure, silently blaming her companions for her plight, and cursing herself for being so mislead—and for what? For Rose this was a pilgrimage, and Mabel a temporary reprieve from the drudgery of the farm, but what in Hades is there for me? In the firelight, she caught glimpses of the other girls—Mabel looking jaunty, her face intent as she took from the pocket of her boy’s rags a small leather pouch and sprinkled salt gingerly over the roasting hare. Sitting at attention by her side was her pet mongoose, Mango, whose beady eyes glistened with anticipation at the greasy juices dribbling down and sputtering on the fire. Rose, on the other hand, did not look any bit as lively as Mabel, who was the only one in their company used to long treks and hard labor. Rose’s eyes, under which loomed dark circles, were sunken with exhaustion. Her thin shoulders slumped when her one-eyed cat, Achilles, stretched and yawned to get comfortable in her lap. But it was her idea, thought Adeline bitterly, to venture out here. To find some convent of outlaw nuns in the middle of the wilderness! Adeline groaned softly, rubbing her aching feet, her stockings already threadbare. Overhead, the errant stars had found their constellations and joined the full moon to christen the night—though the day is gone, God will leave the lamp on, is what papa had once said to comfort her. This put a forlorn expression on Adeline’s face, as she thought about what she’d given up to be here, and that she’d give anything to be back at her old life, reading the Greek and Roman classics and reciting Voltaire, the pleasant hours spent at her embroidery while mother taught her the social graces, and in the evening when the busy day was done, playing serenades on her flute to the songbirds in the gardens of her home. Home, she thought, gazing up at the starry sky and listening to the soughing of the wind through the trees. I want to go home.
Yes. That would have been difficult to convey with dialogue, and it certainly wasn't boring to read. I now have a clear picture of all three women, and some idea of what they are like. Good stuff. Now, when and if they start talking, we'll have a grounding in who they are and what they are doing. The dialogue will mean something.
... sister was ironing / cooking for her brother when he put his hands on the heat and burnt himself... sister always blamed herself for the scar he carried throughout his life?
Thanks! Indeed, after that last line wherein Adeline is pining to go back home the chapter begins proper. Adeline's internal musings was originally going to be a paragraph... but I soon saw the utility of it, that I could get out of slipping in awkward descriptions and whatnot if I gave her thoughts a little narrative arc that dovetailed into the larger arc of the chapter. Personally, I'm not crazy about internal thoughts and use them sparingly. But there are times that they're the perfect trick!
That kind of thing can work, but make sure you follow it up later on in the story. Make sure that those things you include that seem random, aren't just fluff.
Flashbacks over time? Having the boy appear to be the main character before shifting away? Assuming the main character is actually interesting and lovable, it's possible for the reader to care for dead relations the reader didn't get much to invest in. Easy examples (that aren't spoilers) being Ned Stark's sister from Game of Thrones, the Old Hand of the King (the guy that died at the start of the books/show), Catelyn's brother, etc. Since their importance and who they were was fleshed out over time through a series of recollections and flashbacks. Prince Rhaegar is also an increasingly interesting and sympathetic character even though he never actually appears due to being dead by the story's start. The Mad King, albeit as a villain, is also made interesting over time.
