Cleaning out a closet in my late mom's apartment, I found a dusty old cardboard box. On top is written, "Gene's Letters," and on one end, "Private!" Gene was my father, and a quick glance at the envelopes show they are from WWII, when he was stationed in the Aleutian Islands. I know that when he left home he and my mom were friends, in that my mom was a good friend of his kid sister. By the time he came home, they had decided to marry, so I know the romance was essentially via mail. Also written on the box are the words, "Burn or destroy!" but that is blacked out, as though she changed her mind about that. Mom never discussed the letters, and I never knew they were there. Perhaps my sister knew, but she's gone now, too. Part of me wants to shred the letters unread, part of me wants to know more about the people they were then. I am leaning toward destroying them unread, on the theory that it's not really my business. But still . . . . Thoughts?
You have to make that decision. I can only tell you, if it were me.... I've gotten to a point in my life where I can see my two parents as individuals separate from their role as my parents. Children tend to define their parents as being only their parents, but of course they were much more than that. They were two human beings long before I came along, and continued to have their own identity separate from me, or my siblings. Two people with hopes and dreams and wishes and fears. I would cherish the opportunity to get to know my parents better as individuals separate from the role they played as my parents. To get closer to them in a human-to-human connection. I would read the letters.
Well, as a writer I don't think I need to elaborate all the possible scenarios of reading them. What if you discover some horrible secret that makes you rethink everyone you thought was true for 72 years? The fact that she kept them despite the "burn" warning suggests she's daring you to read them. Not knowing your Mom, that could mean a lot of things.
Me, too. There could be wonderful things in there. I "inherited" a steamer trunk when my grandparents got too old and sick to stay in their house. Shortly before my grandpa died I opened it and discovered it was full of correspondence, memo books, etc. I started reading and discovered my grandpa had been married before, but she died very young of TB. Neither my mother or my uncle knew this. It was a very romantic story and it makes you feel weird knowing your existence was contingent on someone else suffering a premature death. That said, it puts things in perspective and gives a new appreciation for life. I also found out my very straitlaced grandmother lied about her age on her driver's license, so she wouldn't bear the onus of having been born in the 19th century!
Read them. If your Mom didn't want them read, she could have destroyed them herself. Your family, your business. Seems unlikely anything in letters like that could change the way you feel about her, anyway.
It sounds like there was a specific group of letters marked as private, and others that were not. I would respect the desire for some to be kept private, and read the ones that weren't.
Also written on the box are the words, "Burn or destroy!" but that is blacked out, as though she changed her mind about that. She didn't destroy the letters and she changed her mind about burn and destroy. She left them for you to find.
I would read them. What you do is up to you. I do not believe in life after death so they would not be hurt by it. It could give you a good sense of closure. Consider also that if they contained anything horrible she would likely have destroyed them herself long ago.
I would definitely read them. Your mother's decision to destroy is not your decision. She may have had a multitude of reasons for wanting to destroy them (and then not), but none of those reasons are yours.
