I've been struggling about the way I write. You see, I use words like, "soon, until, moved, looked" and so on to describe action. But to me, it seems (for the lack of a better word) redundant. It's as if I'm taking the reader from scene to scene rather than giving them an experience... Am I making sense? I feel like I don't... Anyway, I've been experimenting and I would like to read your impressions of these two versions of the text. It's in the middle of the story so I'm sorry if it seems out of context: (1) Staring wide eyed around the room, Tom’s thoughts swirled upon awakening. Panicked, his eyes landed on a shelf of strange bottles on the wall. He was still in Hephron’s office, he realised. The knowledge calmed him, letting his body fall back on the cushions of the sofa he’d been sleeping on. Though peace had reached him, a memory touched his awareness. It flashed indistinguishably and vanished as soon as it came. But even though he knew naught what he saw, his body did, shuddering uncontrollably through the experience. (2) Dashing to awareness, Tom stared around the room. Thoughts swirled in his mind as he realised he was still in Hephron office. He sat up from the sofa, trying to collect himself. Memories flashed in his mind, coming and going, forcing shudders without knowing why. His body knew, somehow. - I realise they are two completely different styles of writing, even so, the first version is the experiment and I would very much appreciate what you think.