I've written the following sentence: He took out his pocket watch and checked the time for the fifth time in ten minutes. On rereading it, I was jarred by the repetition of the word "time" with just three words between. I can't find a suitable synonym for either use. By rearranging things, I can turn one of them into a "times", but that doesn't help much. Is this a problem, or am I overthinking it? And if it is a problem, can anybody suggest a solution?
"He took out his pocket watch and looked at it for the fifth time in ten minutes." is how I would write it.
Yeah, that's a good solution. Readers would make the assumption that looking at a watch means you're checking the time, so the repeat of the word 'time' isn't needed.
Yes, thanks, I'll use that approach. Somehow I was stuck trying to get rid of the second "time", or find a synonym, but you're right that reading the time is implicit here.
No, it's not a problem. And yes, you're over-thinking it. There's dozens of ways to get this message across.
You're welcome! I often find that if there is a word I'm trying to replace, but can't find a proper synonym for it, I'll just rewrite the entire sentence (or paragraph, depending.)
I would say, "He took out his pocket watch for the fifth time in ten minutes." It's clear that he's going to look at it and check the time just based on the fact that it's a pocket watch and that he keeps pulling it out. And I'm guessing the parts around this clue readers in that he's waiting for something. You're problem here is just a matter of tightening the sentence. The extra words bog it down in this case.
