Sad people are sad

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Duchess-Yukine-Suoh, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. Fitzroy Zeph

    Fitzroy Zeph Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2013
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    269
    Location:
    Canada
    I know you can't see it, but it is your blind faith in your religion that makes you see it this way.
     
    Writay likes this.
  2. Fitzroy Zeph

    Fitzroy Zeph Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2013
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    269
    Location:
    Canada
    Sad people are sad, that's for sure, Dutchess, that's for sure.
     
  3. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    8,102
    Likes Received:
    4,605
    No attacking someone for their religion guys
     
    JJ_Maxx likes this.
  4. obsidian_cicatrix

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    1,615
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    @JJ_Maxx

    I agree, JJ. Coddling is that last thing on my mind. I am the mother of a daughter, brought up to be expressive, independent and free thinking. I just don't think it fair when a young person tries to express a desire to be emotionally independent, regardless of the financial angle, that they should have it pointed out that their words make them sound like they plan a life of legalised prostitution. Like @TessaT, I took offence. And far more deeply than my words are indicative of.
     
    TessaT and Fitzroy Zeph like this.
  5. JJ_Maxx

    JJ_Maxx Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2012
    Messages:
    3,321
    Likes Received:
    503
    First you say you aren't fighting her battles, then you proceed to tell me her intentions regardless of what she actually said? Again, if she spoke incorrectly and didn't mean what she said, then she can clarify, she's a big girl. Also, I said what she describes 'sounds like' a sugar-daddy. I in no way said anything about her moral scruples, only that what she described seemed odd. I will wait for her clarification, regardless of the immature circus that has transpired since.

    I think you are allowing your emotional bias to affect your rational thinking. This has nothing to do with my religion, she stated the exact definition of a sugar-daddy. What part of that is difficult for you to understand, exactly? I don't have to explain myself to you. You can take offense if you wish, I couldn't care less, honestly.

    Duchess is a member of this forum by choice and I am under no obligation to treat her differently than any other member of this forum. Words have meanings, as writers we should know that. I will wait for her response.
     
  6. Fitzroy Zeph

    Fitzroy Zeph Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2013
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    269
    Location:
    Canada
    I have no real animosity towards the religious or their religion. Until however, they hide behind it and use it as an excuse to be rude.
     
  7. TessaT

    TessaT Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2013
    Messages:
    357
    Likes Received:
    129
    Location:
    Bay Area, CA
    I didn't say what her intentions were. Based on what I read, she has no need to clarify herself. I'm not sure how exactly you're interpreting her words, but no matter how you are, your response was still rude. Saying that someone wants a sugar-daddy has implications of laziness, greed, and swapping sexual favors for financial support. The exact definition of a sugar daddy is "a rich older man who lavishes gifts on a young woman in return for her company or sexual favors". The young woman in this situation is considered a 'gold-digger' because she is only in the relationship for the monetary gain. I'm not sure how you don't understand the implications that these words have behind them, about someone's moral scruples. For someone who says "Words have meanings, as writers we should know that." sure seems to throw around heavy words without considering their full meanings.

    What you said, despite of the 'true' meaning of what Duchess said, was rude.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2013
    obsidian_cicatrix likes this.
  8. Fitzroy Zeph

    Fitzroy Zeph Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2013
    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    269
    Location:
    Canada

    She stated, she stated, she stated no such thing. You, have decided to misconstrue a statement, twisting it into something that fits your narrow, Christian driven, view of marriage and relationships.


    I believe, that someone pointed out to you, that Dutchess is a mere 13 years old and is female. Now, if you think that you should be able to address her no differently than you might address me just because we are all members here and separated by a wall of fiber optics, then you really do have a problem. They call that sort of obligation -- morality.

    I couldn't care less, honestly. Finally, some truth.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2013
  9. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    Are you referring to this statement?

    I don't see the words "no...at all", "zero", "zilch" or "nothing." in the quote above.

    I also don't see her saying that she won't fulfill her spouse's emotional needs and that her spouse won't fulfill hers.

    Let's go to an easier-to-understand dependence: Food. I bring my guy drinks and food. I fulfill some of his needs that way. But if I don't bring him those things on a particular day, he can get up and get his own. He isn't dependent on me. He can survive without me.

    I think that spouses should fulfill one another's emotional needs. But I also think that they should remain whole people, people who can survive on their own resources. They should enrich one another's lives, but a situation where neither can survive without the other...I can't see that as a worthwhile goal.
     
    TessaT and obsidian_cicatrix like this.
  10. obsidian_cicatrix

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    1,615
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    @ChickenFreak

    To quote Gibran. (Sorry, just had to.)

    Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
    Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
    Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
    Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
    Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
    For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
    And stand together yet not too near together:
    For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
    And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

    (He said it better than I ever could.)
     
    minstrel and TessaT like this.
  11. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    8,102
    Likes Received:
    4,605
    Ok, but let's dissect the initial offending statement here.

    Question. Is it fair to expect someone to financially support you so you can pursue your dream as let's say, a teacher?

    First off, teacher's make enough money to support themselves. Therefore, the declaration for financial dependence in this case implies desiring a life beyond modest means. Is it in compliance to ask for someone else to work a higher paying job (if it wasn't higher paying, there'd be no cause for dependence) so that you can pursue your dreams while maintaining a nice lifestyle? What are you offering in return?
     
  12. obsidian_cicatrix

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    1,615
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    @123456789 I've seen many couples take turns, supporting each other in order to make their lives together more financially viable, and fulfilling. I somehow doubt that Duchess would give nothing back in return. Or maybe I've got her all wrong.
     
  13. JJ_Maxx

    JJ_Maxx Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2012
    Messages:
    3,321
    Likes Received:
    503
    No, I was referring to this statement:

    Well, what emotional needs does a wife have? She needs to be admired, needs to be loved, needs to be appreciated, needs to be cherished. There are a laundry list of important emotional needs that every wife, and husband for that matter, need. When our spouse fills these needs, it creates intimacy and love in a marriage. When these needs are not met, it creates bitterness and anger and sadness, which leads to a drifting apart and a meaningless or empty marriage. Unfulfilled.

    Is there a chance that she meant something other than what she actually wrote? Of course, and I look forward to having that conversation with her.

    I agree. Widows survive all the time without their spouses. Usually, the loss of a spouse leaves a hole in someone's heart that never goes away or heals. It's because marriage is an act of becoming one with someone. One flesh, one spirit, meant to be together forever. When the bond is ripped apart, it causes massive wounds. :(
     
    123456789 likes this.
  14. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    8,102
    Likes Received:
    4,605
    Well, most 13 year olds don't give back anything in return, but who knows when she's an adult ;)
     
  15. erebh

    erebh Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    2,642
    Likes Received:
    481
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    @JJ_Maxx I've come back to this late, still bitching at a child? Really?

    If I read her comment right, she meant financial security while she's learning to be a teacher, she also said it would be better for them both in the long run. ie: when she get's her degree and they both share the same bank account. What planet are you on? Last week you virtually sent her to her room.

    While you have the right to follow whatever branch of Christianity you like (And probably the majority of us here are Christian albeit a different forest let alone a different tree or even branch) you don't have the right to preach or shove it down our throats and you certainly don't have the right to chastise a 13 year old and anonymously on a internet forum is just cowardly.

    By all means feel free to share, in the appropriate thread, what marriage means to you but how dare you tell us our marriages are wrong and unchristian?

    Seriously dude, where do you get off?
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2013
    TessaT and 123456789 like this.
  16. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    Sure, there would. Two modest incomes allow for a nicer lifestyle than one modest income. Two people may be dependent on one another's salary to be able to afford to share a one-bedroom apartment and a car, rather than a studio apartment and take the bus. If they break up, then they may both be retreating to studio/bus. Therefore, they're both financially dependent on one another to maintain their lifestyle.
     
    123456789 likes this.
  17. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2012
    Messages:
    8,102
    Likes Received:
    4,605
    Actually, you're right. o_O
     
  18. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    There's a good chance that you fundamentally misunderstood what she actually wrote. The fact that you need to add words that she never wrote ("zero", "zilch" and so on) in order to support your interpretation is evidence for that theory.
     
  19. JJ_Maxx

    JJ_Maxx Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2012
    Messages:
    3,321
    Likes Received:
    503
    "I probably won't be dependent on my husband for emotional needs (Probably more financial, I want to be a teacher) at all."

    Remove the parenthetical phrase:

    "I probably won't be dependent on my husband for emotional needs at all."

    The phrase 'at all' here means 'in any way', similar to 'Not only do I not have change for a twenty, I don't have any money at all.(in any way)'

    ...and you all wonder why I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. There's a full sentence with a period and everything. It is honestly the most basic sentence with a clear thought and the fact that I have to explain it just boggles my mind.
     
    123456789 likes this.
  20. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2010
    Messages:
    15,262
    Likes Received:
    13,084
    "I probably won't be dependent on my husband for emotional needs at all."

    That doesn't mean that he won't fulfill her needs, and she won't fulfill his needs. But she'll be capable of surviving without that fulfillment.
     
  21. JJ_Maxx

    JJ_Maxx Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2012
    Messages:
    3,321
    Likes Received:
    503
    I am finished discussing what Duchess meant and will patiently wait her return and end a needless debate by discussing with her. Thank you.

     
  22. erebh

    erebh Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    2,642
    Likes Received:
    481
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    you amaze me too
     
    Duchess-Yukine-Suoh likes this.
  23. erebh

    erebh Banned Contributor

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2013
    Messages:
    2,642
    Likes Received:
    481
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Are you more at home picking on children? Or is there another reason you won't discuss your own moral takes on what a child said, with an adult?
     
    123456789, vwyler and JJ_Maxx like this.
  24. obsidian_cicatrix

    obsidian_cicatrix I ink, therefore I am. Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    1,795
    Likes Received:
    1,615
    Location:
    Belfast, Northern Ireland
    It was your choice of words I took issue with, not Duchess's.
     
    TessaT likes this.
  25. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2013
    Messages:
    6,764
    Likes Received:
    5,393
    Location:
    Funland
    You just haven't witnessed enough marriages yet :)
    Some marriages are Mickey and Mallory sans the killing spree.

    On the other hand, I could never ever live the life of "a trophee wife" (not that I was busty and pretty enough in any case, lol), I'd be giving too much leverage to the man. But if some are happy with that arrangement, more power to them.

    I do sometimes think, wow, wouldn't it be nice if I didn't have to work while, coincidentally enough, learning to become a teacher, but I'm hoping this will do good to my character and make me appreciate what I have more because I've worked my ass off for it. The downside is, my grades would be better if the time spent at work was used for studying.

    Home-making is freaking exhausting, but many people still seem to think it's like being on a holiday. I've seen marriages where the husband thinks the woman does nothing but idles while he's at work even though she's spent the day cleaning, making food, taking care of the kids, running errands etc. just because she doesn't get paid for the work she does.

    To be honest, it's a tad hypocritical to call someone out on rudeness by being rude yourself. Can we stop flaming? We as writers should be in control of our "pens" (in this case, keyboards), right?
     
    123456789 likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice