1. Toomanypens

    Toomanypens Member

    Dec 22, 2015
    Likes Received:

    Sci-fi plot

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Toomanypens, Jul 24, 2016.

    Ok, so I've worked out the start so it is no longer vague or unintentional (taking random turns)

    Our MC is deserted on earth in the year 2052,
    We join him as he recalls his childhood, a great oak tree, grassland and him being dragged into the house to get entangled within the fighting and subterfuge of his parents. He is struck with a deep bitterness and is cynical of what it means to be part of society. He feels like his life will always be insignificant and that ultimately the fear of insignificance drives people towards destruction, and bring everyone down with them.

    He is talking to a friend beside him, Jake, who tells him to cheer up and then goes to look for women.
    Jake isn't particularly good with women but he tries, the MC appreciates his carefree spirit as it helps keep him from sinking into his own thoughts that haunt him. Our MC is approached by a woman who seems to know him and wants something from him, he charms her to distract her, then abandons her and goes home.

    His AI assistant gives him results to experiments he had been testing over the last few months, the last he could afford to run. It turns out his home world from another dimension is destroyed and cannot be recovered. He breaks down as he realises he will probably never undo the consequences of his own actions, and never escape the fact that his invention and his ambition not only destroyed his home world but it ever existing.

    He tries to just go on with life, gets a job at a local food joint, hides away, goes out on weekends, keeps busy. Until the woman from the bar finds him and asks for his help. The woman reveals the nature of her research to be similar to his own, and he tells her to abandon it while she still can. She prys into what happened to him and a burn on his hands, and he tells her that one night he went to take out the trash and his house, exploded into flames, the burns are from rushing back in to try to save his wife and daughter. The company he worked for was "tying up loose ends" to assure that the ability to time travel would be exclusively theirs and remain a secret. He tells her to get out now and protecct what she has and forget about time travel.

    As she exits the bar she is kidnapped, and he is forced to get involved with company business again. All the companies are super powerful and aim to create technology to increase it. He struggles with the realisation that "it is happening all over again" and trying to ignore it and leave the girl to her fate, but he can't.

    He infiltrates the offices that oversee her payroll in the city center, and steals info on her coworkers suspecting that a "watcher" is in her team. He knocks down some doors of dock workers until he finds one with illegal tech and uses him to get into the docks to locate underground cargo trains to secret facilities under the city. He tracks the train likely to go to the facility that houses time travel experiments due to his familiarity with what they need, but cannot get in that way because the trains have nearly perfect sensors. After locating the facility, he breaks into the apartment of the "watcher", overpowers her and drugs her into saying what he needs to get into the facility.

    - steals information
    - finds location
    - uses the spy on her team to get in

    And thats what I got so far...
    And the knowledge that the MC became furious and vengeful after the loss of his family and used time travel to destroy the company and after destroying them, tried all he could to bring his family back which left the timeline so unstable, it was destroyed.

    I like it so far, but, often a story has all this "save the girl" stuff at the end, while mine is at the start. I think that is because the real purpose of it is to show what he is capable of and who these companies are and why they are so dangerous.

    People in the city are suffering under oppression, there are protests on the streets, people dying from not being able to afford medical care, high rent prices, and extortion as the companies fight amongst themselves for the biggest piece of the pie and the most control.

    I think it is all meant to generate a sense of his ability to rebel, and for it to work, kind of like Jason Bourne.
    But unlike Jason Bourne he isn't looking to figure anything out or get involved, he is just broken from what he has done to his world and even the memory of his family, that he can't allow it to happen again.

    Destroying the companies will make everything FAR WORSE before it gets better, and he knows that taking them down directly won't just end greed and change the world.

    I dunno, somehow he gets sucked into leading an uprising, getting past his bitterness, and fighting for the people, as the company figures out where he is from and the potential value they can get from him. It will lead to very deadly riots and security forces in the streets, as he figures out how to not only remove them from power but stop the powerful from shifting the burden onto their shoulders.

    I dunno, I'm puzzled at how I can start a story with so much action and then pivot it into so much grass roots intruigue. I'm not sure why he would lead the uprising.
    Except that he maybe becomes a leader by the act of saving this woman, and gets pulled into this world's need to be free of them.

    What do you think?

    It is also meant to capture the atmosphere of blade runner, or the matrix, but have a more political plot, where he overcomes the issues by uniting society under new leadership while fending off the dangers of being the most wanted man in the world.
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  2. Johncrawfordz

    Johncrawfordz Member

    Oct 30, 2012
    Likes Received:
    A few of my concerns, from my understanding of this. He had travelled across dimensions. Not much of excerpts going around but this needs a bit more detail and clarification because these type of projects aren't run by just 'companies'. They are too grand of a scale and something only governments would take in under their watch rather than private entrepreneurs. You would need a very reasonable explanation for this kind of technology around and his background.

    The character from the looks of it sounds too much like a CIA agent. Your MC's background which would probably be scientific given the AI assistant and 'should' not have the talents or skills that an agent may have. Otherwise, it would lead to a Gary Sue character. It can be fixed through various options which I will let you decide.

    Next up for this story, what is the character's motivation to save the girl? Could it be to get rid of time travel? Just for the sake of saving the girl? Why does he care about the society? Etc, etc. That can influence the way your story goes which again leads to the next new set of motivations etc if necessary.

    Hope this helps
    John Crawfordz
    Toomanypens likes this.

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