So, one of my betas completed their read of my story, and one of the criticisms they had was that the relationship between a certain character and my villain was never clearly explained. I expect she also had a problem with the lack of motivation for this character, but likely assumed that the relationship would explain that. This is true, but unfortunately showing the relationship is difficult for two reasons: 1) her relationship is honestly just "she's known the villain for a while and is doing them a favor, but otherwise isn't interested in what's going on" -- boring, I know, but fitting for what she is 2) though mentioned a few times throughout, she doesn't actually make an appearance until the third chapter from the end I tried showing this by stating the character looks bored despite everyone else being serious and on edge, and again by having her be the first to abandon the villain's mission after it was clear they'd lost. I also hoped that by earlier encounters with others of her kind it would be made clear that most of them don't take the events of the story seriously as they exist independently of the world it takes place in and thus have very little at stake. The only place I can think of to tell the relationship is in a bit of speculation that would interrupt the flow of the ending, so I don't want to do that. Also, despite her indifference she does play an important role in the final confrontation, so I can't easily write her out. That leads me to my question: Should I put in some speculative exposition at the end, ignore the issue for now (it's only one beta so far, after all), or try some other way to reveal her relationship/motivation to the reader? Thanks in advance!
It may help to have this character explained in reference in earlier chapters, and possibly lightly mentioned up until her appearance. Also, it may be worthwhile to write her out entirely if her purpose could be taken over by another nearby, possibly better motivated, character, and multiple betas have a problem with her. Placing this information dump at the last chapters would likely be a mistake.
I do reference her several times. My MCs are aware she exists, but don't know much about her other than what she is and that she works with the villain. There's not really any place to give more information before she shows up, and there's no way she or the villain would admit to her apathy for fear of losing the faith of their soldiers. Also, there really isn't anyone currently in the story who could substitute for her. I could possibly add one in, but the new character would have to be as powerful as she is, which is problematic. Due to the nature of the world, the only beings who could match her are others of her kind (which, then, why switch?) and Spoiler: Plot Twist Spoiler "evil" beings like demons, the presence of which next to my villain would put a huge hole in his "holy, protector/savior of the land" image he uses to command the loyalty of his soldiers. I've dabbled in the idea of giving her a more intimate relationship with the villain, which could be quickly told and would give her better motivation, but I don't feel that would fit well with the villain or their "race". If more betas have a problem with her, though, then you're right that I will need to address it. I'm leaning towards the intimate route, as while an unlikely relationship it is feasible, but the "new character" route, while more problematic, would likely give me more opportunities to talk about her replacement, as any other kind of being in her place would likely make more waves across the world and thus give more opportunities early on for conversation about her/him.
If I'm picking up on this accurately, is this character a kind of supernatural being? Does she use supernatural powers in this final confrontation? If so, maybe that's the problem. Maybe she struck your beta as a deus ex machina. Maybe you'll have to solve it by having her race have a great deal at stake in the overall conflict, in a surprising way you reveal at the right moment. "Oh, they pretended they were detached from all this, but it was a ruse, in secret they were really planning .... !"
Yes, she is a supernatural being. The conflict of the story is completely driven by the fact that these supernatural beings have been disappearing, with most of the remaining few not caring about the world, but two who do having vastly different ideas about what to do with it. I'll admit her only real story purpose is to balance out the sides in the final confrontation. Without her, I'd have to make the villain ludicrously strong, which would raise the question of why he's that strong, and I wouldn't have an answer. Actually, now that I've been carefully writing (and rewriting) this response to your suggestion, I do have one idea. My plan for a sequel is about a weaker one of such beings taking advantage of the power vacuum and ruined state of the world to enact a plan to literally recreate it with them as the uncontested ruler. I can't give her that goal exactly, as then the only logical action for her would be to turn traitor in the middle of the battle, which would kind of leave my MC's character arc incomplete. However, if I can come up with a related reason for her to abandon the fight halfway through, that might give my readers something they'd be happy with. A clear indication that there was more to her than just being a powerful foe, and that if (and hopefully when) the sequel rolls around she'll be back with some answers. I'm not sure I will be able to come up with such a reason, but if I do I'll probably use it. Thanks!
