1. Arrodis

    Arrodis New Member

    Jul 4, 2016
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    Seeking Assistance with my Character's Description

    Discussion in 'Character Development' started by Arrodis, Jul 4, 2016.

    Hello, all.

    This is my first post. I've been a "lurker" here for a while now, and in that time I've admired the general spirit of this community. The creative atmosphere on these forums is wonderful, and I'm thoroughly looking forward to becoming a contributor to its growth.

    Just a brief thank you for helping me evolve as a writer.

    Now to the subject at hand: my request for assistance with one of my creative pursuits.

    The following is a general description I've constructed for one of my World of Warcraft role-play characters. The character, Arrodis, is basically a Darth Vader-esq character. I'd like to read your thoughts and opinions on what I've written, in particular, where I can improve; and I'm sure I can improve in many places. Also, if you see any grammatical or spelling errors, don't hesitate to point them out; I won't get offended in the slightest. And, if you want to try your hand at rewriting or restructuring the piece, go for gold; I'd love to see what you can do.

    Thank you in advance.

    Here's the description:
    The events of a dark and twisted past have radically destabilized this once-noble hero into a warped, machine-like alpha predator for the evil among Silvermoon's Magister officialdom. An impassive dominator -- an elite enforcer -- for the machiavellian bishops of Thalassian statolotry is what this broken individual has become. Nothing more.

    Dealings with him affirm such definition well. To describe his disposition as "chilling", is to greatly understate the truth. A firm sense of distance and soul-piercing stares of cold analysis await all who must endure his sinister and commanding presence. As for his speech, not a word is spoken from his always-obscured face unless completely relevant, and all that is uttered, is powerful, authoritative, curt and devoid of any tones of positivity. Make no mistake, this Elf's social aura demands a dark respect; and threatens all who don't submit.

    The sight of him reinforces his feel well. His Fel-scared, abnormally hulk-like physique is a dangerous weapon, painstakingly crafted by the rigors of war and the wonders of advanced alchemy. His radiant magical aura, too, is undeniably intense when unsheathed. Its golden illumination is near-blinding. Its power pulsates menacingly, waiting restlessly for the call to immolate without remorse. This Light-wielder easily knows his magic better then most; and many of the dead can attest to this fact.

    Little else can be stated.

    Hatred, anger, fury, rage and suffering have utterly supplanted their positive opposites within this tormented warrior of sorrow. There is no forgiveness or mercy; he deals only in absolutes; he rules only by brutality and fear. This Elf has self-medicated to the extreme to cope with great loss; and utterly lost himself in the process.
    Seraph751 likes this.
  2. Seraph751

    Seraph751 If I fell down the rabbit hole... Contributor

    Mar 18, 2016
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    Sounds like a badass to me :)
    A friend of mine @Shattered Shields said this phrase and I think it suits your living breathing mass anger issues quite well, "Might makes right." Also he strikes me as a very black and white person.
  3. NeeNee

    NeeNee Member

    Jul 4, 2016
    Likes Received:
    Hi, this is my first post. I am struggling with a bit of character description myself but my suggestion is to show us rather than tell us about your character's personality. If he's a no nonsense type then show us an interaction with someone or something that conveys to us that this guy doesn't listen to excuses or anything else, its a my way or the highway kind of attitude.

    If the elf is self medicated then show us what he is doing to self medicate - pills? alcohol? Some unique thing that is intoxicating only to elves but normal to the rest of the creatures in your story (ie. dandelion leaves).
    You can convey a lot of information if you put your character into a situation where he is interacting with someone or reacting to a situation that will show us a lot of what you are trying to describe here.

    And don't feel like you have to tell us everything at once, hold back a little and let things come out as your story progresses.

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