1. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

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    Senior Member

    Discussion in 'Support & Feedback' started by Foxxx, Dec 17, 2016.

    Making me feel old. 'Senior.' Pssh!

    In seriousness, when I first joined here I wasn't sure what I was doing. I've been a part of another writing community for several years now, but for whatever reason I decided to join another one.

    Now that I think about it, there are several reasons. One of them is to simply expand my audience. Even though I've only shared one small poem so far on here. From a scientific standpoint, I figured it would be nice to have two different "groups" almost.

    So with Group-A, they will be the first people to see something I create. Then, after having taken their advice into consideration and re-working the creation (or perhaps not), I can share it with Group-B and compare the responses. However, neither group has a clue about what the other group may have said, or which group I showed my creation to originally.

    ---

    Now, what I actually wanted to talk about in this post, is just to publicly reflect a bit on my short stay here so far.

    In the beginning it was somewhat overwhelming. That's just how meeting new people is for me.

    Unfortunately, the initial vibe I got, was one of elitism. That's not a characteristic exclusive of this place, but you can imagine that is not the best first impression. I met new people gradually, and some were nicer than others. Some connections went somewhere, others led nowhere.

    However, I decided to stick it out. And I'm glad I did. Because one thing that has become very apparent to me, is the honesty and lack of sugar-coating that seems to be a norm here. It's a strong contrast to the other writing community I'm in, where there's an air of... family? Can't think of a better word really, but I'm sure you know what it's like to have your family or friends look at something. They mean well, but sometimes they can't bring themselves to say what needs to be said. And when you're a part of that community for *years*, and you make all these great friendships, sometimes that becomes a true hindrance.

    That isn't the case here. Even people who are quite friendly, know how to keep writing a serious endeavor. Or, maybe I've just surrounded myself with certain people on here, who knows.

    I think there are two different reasons why I experienced that feeling of "elitism". For starters, it may have just been a misconception on my part. I might have just mistaken it for the feeling of being a green-horn, the new guy on the block, an outsider trying to make his way past the bouncers.

    The other thing, is being only 18, and having only *really* wanted to be a writer for the past few years at the most, it was daunting when the first thing you see is all these success stories of individuals that have been published on here. I felt a little out of my depth I guess. These people that have put in so much more work, are so much more talented, and it can be as encouraging as it is discouraging. I suppose that just depends on how you want to look at it.

    So besides one or two specific instances with certain individuals, maybe the sense of elitism was just the weird feeling of being around people that are already where you want to be. Maybe it was because sometimes listening to those people talk made me feel like they forgot what it's like to be where I'm at. Maybe it's because the spotlight will always naturally gravitate toward them, and I'd be the luckiest kid alive to just be their opening act for a show.

    Ultimately though, I think joining this community was a good decision. I enjoy the fact that people don't know me, because then they won't be afraid to tell me what they think about me. Or be afraid to tell me what they think about my writing. "Be careful what you wish for" and all that jazz, but I think there's something to be said about becoming a victim to your past; having your history define you is a weird feeling. People just start to expect you to be something you *were*, but that's not how you grow. That's not evolution, or change.

    Sorry that this post is so all over the place. Just wanted to share my thoughts, in no particular order. I appreciate the people who have been so kind and welcoming to me, and I look forward to staying here. Hopefully I will improve as a writer, and enjoy my time while doing so.

    Here's to you,

    -Kyle
     
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  2. Mumble Bee

    Mumble Bee Keep writing. Contributor

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    Forgot who said it, but, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room."

    I'd say that applies to ability as well.

    It may sound heartless, but if you're interested in progressing, dont get too attached to your current room.
     
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  3. antlad

    antlad Banned

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    Nice write up.
     
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  4. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Around here....



    Other sites...

     
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  5. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

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    I hope this doesn't come off as being cruel, but I'm not very welcoming to new members. Not because I don't want them around or anything but because we get so many and most of them don't stick around. I bet if you scrolled through the New Member Introduction subforum, half of them aren't active anymore. They post a couple threads or comments, maybe as many as twenty, then disappear. And for some reason, people who come here just to ask one question before they disappear really irk me. I don't like wasting my time on people who don't really want to be a part of the community. Maybe that's wrong of me (okay, that's definitely wrong of me) and I should want to assist people no matter what, but I can't help it. I see a thread started by someone with only one previous post, and I won't respond.

    Anyway. My point is, I wonder if that's why "elitism" or "cliqueiness" is a (recently) common observation among newer members. This is just an assumption, though, not a reflection on anyone other than myself.

    But I'm glad you're here! :D And I'm excited to get to know you more.
     
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  6. Lewdog

    Lewdog Come ova here and give me kisses! Supporter Contributor

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    Or those pesky members who post a bunch and then just lurk for a long time and then decide to come back and post. Those are the real jerks!
     
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  7. Lea`Brooks

    Lea`Brooks Contributor Contributor

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    Hmm, I wonder who you could be talking about? ;)
     
  8. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

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    I like that quote, thanks Mumble B. :)

    I laughed out loud, haha. Love Ramsay.

    I understand where you're coming from. At the job I'm working, I haven't been there for more than 3/4 of a year yet, and already seen three guys get fired and one guy quit. Remember something my dad said one time, "Don't get too attached to the people you work with."

    On the other forum that I'm a part of, I had to relinquish my Mentor status. For one, I felt like I didn't deserve it (i.e. I'm the one who needs help here), but the other big reason is I simply couldn't welcome all the new members. It felt forced, like I didn't really want to welcome these new people, or I didn't have anything to say to them that hadn't already been said. After all, wouldn't you want people to be *genuine* when they're welcoming newcomers?

    And of course, you're right in regards to most of them not actually becoming a member. I'd argue 9/10 don't stick around for more than 2-3 months.

    But you never gave me that impression. That is to say, you've never said anything to me that rubbed me the wrong way. You could be right though, that your approach to newcomers might contribute to the "elitism" or "cliqueiness". I don't think it's just you though, nor are you (or anybody else) under any obligation to do it differently. :-D

    Cheers Lea,

    -Kyle
     
  9. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    There's also an element of caution when dealing with people who could end up being passive-aggressive (or aggressive-aggressive, which I actually prefer). It's a gamble to commit too much time/energy to someone you don't know.

    Of course, most new members are totally cool and it's only the occasional specific incidences with certain individuals that can leave a bad taste behind.
     
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