Senses in show don't tell

I got some amazing advice on the share your first three sentences thread about how my story needed some sensory details. I thought about the situation my character was in and wrote down on a chart what they would experience.

It’s a post-apo story that starts with the POV being surrounded by immobilized cars, explosions, and fear. They felt knocked down by a shockwave, heard the ringing in their ears, tasted vomit as they threw up previously, and smelled burning rubber and metal. Here’s some of what I wrote:

“I was knocked down by the shockwave of another bomb and the ringing in my ears only got worse.”
“I could still taste the vomit in my mouth.”
“...as I was battered by the smell of burning rubber and metal.”

Hope this helps!

 

Oh, idk, stuff like, "he felt the rain on his skin," or long compound sentences that span half a page or more.

 

See, I think there's a large difference between the style rules given by a lot of writing advisors, and, well, actual valid writing advice. There's nothing inherently wrong with filtering--it's just something to be aware of.

"He heard a car honking outside" is probably unnecessary filtering--unless 'he' has been having hearing problems or for some other reason, 'hear'ing is important. On the other hand, "He felt the rain on his skin," is indeed probably about 'feel'ing and is therefore a pretty good sentence, IMO. I don't know that in the world of books, as opposed to the world of writing advice, it's at all out of style.

(Lightly edited.)

 

My legs were walking rapidly as they carried me along. LOL!