I’m currently writing a story with Dark Fantasy as the main genre but I’m struggling to set up the inciting incident. I know that some stories just jump right into it but it doesn’t work with this story. The protagonist, some of his relationships, and the world need to be set up to a certain degree for the inciting incident to make sense. I don’t think I can explain everything after the inciting incident happens. It either won’t make any sense at all or it will be a huge dump of info. I don’t want either. However, I’m also afraid the exposition will be too long. Does anyone have tips for tips how to find a good balance? Here’s my current setup (if anyone is interested but it’s not essential to the question. Don't feel pressured to read it!): Chapter 1: Introducing the Protagonist Setting: In a camp near a burned-down monastery Background: Protagonist and a group of soldiers are on a mission to investigate a monastery that was burned down a few days ago, killing the bishop’s family with the exception of his daughter. He is leading this mission to prove his ability and right to be the knight commander. He will be able to shut up everyone who says he’s offered this opportunity because he is the archbishop’s son and that Leander is more suitable. Plot: 1. Protagonist is told they found orphans, that the bishop and his family sheltered, who claim to have survived the fire though there were supposed to be no survivors. 2. Meets them and is told that they saw the bishop in the evening and that the seal on his arm was missing (a seal is a connection to the gods and protects a person - a broken seal means a person was forsaken by the gods and can fall prey to evil). 3. Alarmed he warns his men to stay on guard. They make their way to the monastery, led by the orphans, and reach it. He tells the children to stay back and hide. Then he decides to investigate the ruins and is accompanied by Leander. He finds many valuables and holy items. Remarks that the monastery feels completely empty and lifeless as if there was nothing inside while Leanders comments on how creepy it is. 4. Sudden noise outside catches his and Leander’s attention and they try to leave just to be cut off at the door by a group of strangers. Chapter ends. Chapter 2: Inciting Incident Setting: Monastery Ruins Plot: 1. Leander and MC start fighting the strangers. This is the first time magical abilities are introduced to the viewer. The holy seals on their arms flare up as they use their magical abilities. MC notices strangers seem to be only after the valuables. Looks at Leander and starts seeing his face contort in terrifying ways right in front of him. This is the first time hallucinations are introduced to the reader. MC comments on how he knows what he sees isn’t real. He knows he’s hallucinating and indicates that this is a common occurrence for him and is not only limited to Leander, though it occurs most commonly with him. 2. While Leander still fights, MC decides to rush out to look for the orphans they took with them since he was fearing for their safety. He runs through the area surrounding the monastery, frantically looking for the children, and reaches the gardens. MC finds a shoe and is certain the children are nearby when he hears a terrifying scream. He stumbles and rushes towards that sound and is greeted by the children. Their bodies are twitching, contorting in inhuman directions while their grin is so wide that it tears the corners at the edges of their mouths. He tells himself he’s hallucinating. He tells himself these are just children. However, while he knows all of this, he feels this burning need to kill them. This is the first time his hallucinations are also accompanied by his own voice (in his head) telling him to kill them. This shocks him and terrifies him at the same time. When one of the children takes a step forward, he breaks and loses control. He draws his sword and points it at the child’s throat, swearing to cut it open. This is the first time he felt such extreme hate and this intense need to eradicate something. One of the kids screams something along the lines of “Please stop! You’re scaring me!“ which snaps him out of it. The hallucinations disappear and he is greeted by a bunch of crying children that are hugging each other. He is shocked and scared of himself. Leander and some of the other knights find them. They are confused about what happened but take everyone with them without asking many questions. They return to the camp. The knights invite MC to join them for dinner but he declines, saying he was going to go to bed. He enters his tent and falls onto his bed. He thinks about what happened in the gardens and then he decides to change since his armor was heavy and making it hard to breathe. He takes off his armor and then sees that his seal was missing. It had disappeared from his arm as if it had never been there, no traces left behind. Chapter ends.
Disclaimer: I'm a novice when it comes to story structure, but these are my thoughts to get the ball rolling: How long is your first chapter? Personally I think a second chapter is acceptable for the inciting incident, but in this case it doesn't happen until the very end of the second chapter, so almost the third chapter. This still could work if the preceding text is an interesting hook. What I don't like is the cliffhanger at the end of chapter one. I'm not saying cliffhangers are bad, this is just not the kind I like. Personally, I'd either try and combine chapter one and two, or maybe end chapter one right before they return to camp (midway in #2 of your Chapter Two outline).
Having the Inciting Incident in chapter 2 works for me. Also, finding the valuables is an incident too, just not one that yells at me. Are you going to do more with that 1st one? You should, in my opinion, because, otherwise, what the point of finding the loot?
First of all, thank you for your reply. I've also thought about combining chapters 1 and 2. Chapter 1 is longer than it sounds because I need to establish a few relationships (one is particularly important for the entire plot) as well as explain a bit about the world. However, it's definitely not so long that I'd say it's impossible to merge with chapter 2. I really like your 2nd suggestion and I think I may go for that. It'd be a long chapter for sure but overall I think it has a nice ark (I think of my chapters as a bunch of small stories that in the end fit into one big one). It's a good idea, imo.
Thanks for your reply. Yes, the loot has two meanings. First of all, it was there to establish the fact that the attackers were in fact thieves. What that means is somewhat related to the world and society. This country is a theocracy and the gods (or faith, I guess) are quintessential to life. It's everywhere and determines one's life fundamentally. However, from time to time there some people get forsaken by the gods. These people are usually executed as they are believed to attract evil or become evil now that they aren't protected by the gods anymore. The church will also blame the events of the fire and the attack on the forsaken, giving the orphans' testimonies as proof. MC, however, will know that at least the attack seemed to be initiated by simple thieves. The 2nd reason is related to the broader storyline. The bishop's daughter who survived the fire is one of the main characters and she is also really important for the MC's growth and to the general story. However, in order to get to her, he needs to solve the mystery of what happened in the monastery because that way he'll learn that she's not what she pretends to be. The loot is basically the key to solving that riddle. The loot indicates who set the fire and who was meant to die in the fire.
Yeah the way you have it set up seems fine. I know the cathedral burning down isn't THE inciting incident, but it is a mystery that would compel the reader from the get-go. I agree with Bruce that it would be best to combine chapters 1 and 2, but it's a minor thing.
