Tags:
  1. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz

    Share and Care

    Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Xander17, Jul 11, 2019.

    A thread dedicated to the sharing of our difficulties with writing, or any other issues regarding life, the universe...and everything, and for folks to offer support and wisdom.
    Cheers.
    Xander

    EDIT: I'm a deep thinker and my soul is extremely free (based on comparison to my previous self), so I tend to delve in deep and can talk about anything openly and publicly. You may not, just like I was back in the day before I began my Know Thyself soul healing journey, therefore you are under no obligation to respond to anything I say or ask. Share only what you're comfortable with.

    If you consider what I say and it helps you in some manner, then that's fukn awesome !
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
    Foxxx likes this.
  2. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    One key is to enjoy working. Don't know how it happened, but I have a good work ethic. I've enjoyed nearly every job I've had since my first one in my pimply-faced teens, even cleaning the university toilets at 4am before my regular job. Boys toilets too...super grossly smelly and messy.

    When work becomes as enjoyable as play or hobbies, then productivity goes through the roof and this might also inspire you towards doing it well. Of course, I theorise they'll be attitudal issues, non-beneficial soul elements that cause one to dislike work. I enjoy helping folks, doing a good job, being productive and creative...and it took me a decade to finish my book due to the dysfunctions\glitches I had concerning the completely different task of writing a book for others and being paid for my efforts.

    I don't know your inner workings Foxxx, but when I read this, I'd be overwhelmed by the huge desire for author success. I was to a certain extent. I would recoil from the book due to worry about what if the book failed. It's easier to handle a permanent writing and editing phase that deal with possible rejections after the years of work are completed. I also struggled through self-confidence, possible delusions of grandeur and some other issues I can't recall at the mo.

    Here's what I've noticed in my working life regarding success and a future of secure employment. I've never consciously focused on future success or promotional aspects or increasing profit through more efficient work practices...I simply enjoyed what I did and focused on learning and doing it well. This foundational aspect, that we all have complete control over, has always assured me continuous employment. Folks seek you out if you do a good job.

    I had a bloke who owns a plastering company ring me up after being out of the game for over a decade, hoping I'd do some work for him, he never even knew I quit and left the state. Even after I shared my healing adventures and how I'm basically in early retirement and I was living across Bass Strait, he still wanted to know if I could do some houses for him.

    "Built it and he\they will come" - from what's that baseball-ghost movie?
    Get the foundation set, doing a good job and enjoying yourself within the task and the success will come. As it was for me, I had to delve in to find the exact nature of every glitch I had that was hindering my progress of the foundational issue and of consistant disciplined effort as I was learning and developing my craft.

    Seems to me this is where you have to delve in to discover the exact nature of each issue that's hindering you, as it seems obvious you have passion, confidence and a love of writing...thus logically, find out what's tripping you up. Remove the negs and the positives are set free to go crazy go nuts university like you envision and desire.

    Sharing our probs is a good thing, for a fresh set of eyes from a different position can be most helpful. Also good to seek advice or thoughts from folks who've gone through their battles or share similar struggles.

    Setting up a dedicated writing space is important, with a disciplined attitude when you get there. Have a computer that can't connect to the net is one example. However, from my healing and development experiences, often the problem isn't the external distraction, it's the internal glitches that cause one to veer over to distractions....though setting up a favourable external environment is also a good thing to do, but if you still procrastinate in the "ideal" setting, then the finger points to internal glitches. [/QUOTE]

    I'm the opposite. I've found acknowledgement and dedicated effort to resolving one's problems is the most beneficial way to go.
    I find I have a balanced approach - I dream of a potential positive future, of best case scenarios, they are my envisioned goals...then I rationally work on how to accomplish this, with special effort on removing all internal obstacles, as I've found this is the biggest killer of fulfilled dreams...self-condemnation, self-sabotage. For it doesn't matter if others believe or don't believe in you , in your abilities, gifts or traits...the most important person to believe in you is you...and to be compassionately honest with yourself as you acknowledge and deal with any attributes that require development, removal or healing, etc.

    Hope some of this helps.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
    Foxxx likes this.
  3. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2016
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    2,242
    Location:
    United States
    I applaud you, but I've never had the same experience with work. Although I may define "work" differently than you.

    I enjoyed soccer practices. We didn't just scrimmage or play the whole time. It was practice. It could be difficult or frustrating, and almost always exhausting. But it felt good. My favorite thing in sports was having a passionate coach, who cared about my development, and that made me care about doing my best for him and my team. It made the "work" worth it. Not just worth it after the fact, but during it, too.

    Work isn't worth it when you are just flailing about in the dark with no sense of direction, no sense of comparison (see: improvement), when you feel like you do something good by accident, when you have no coach or nobody to attach yourself to and make yourself a protege. Work doesn't feel worth it on the days where you didn't make progress. This has often been my experience with writing, particularly fiction. Obviously I'm much better at non-fiction because I wasn't instructed in public school on how to write fiction and how to tell stories from kindergarten to senior year of high-school. If it'd been the opposite, I'm sure I'd always be frustrated with not being able to write an article or essay to save my life.

    Point is: even though I might've said of soccer numerous times "I put the work in", it didn't *feel* like work, which I define as Sisyphean drudgery. It might not have been a cake-walk the whole time, and there were slumps and struggles, but it was enjoyable.

    Writing is different because I feel like one doesn't get those constant, wonderful kicks of dopamine. It's typically a solitary activity. It isn't a "game". At the end of the day, even when taken seriously be somebody very competitive like myself, there's no getting around that sports and video games are... games. Well, I don't want anything I write to ultimately boil down to nothing other than entertaining escapism. I want it to be something of substance, and something that will help other people, too.

    It seems like you may be onto something when you talk about "glitches" regarding writing for others and needing to be paid. Lately I've been following my gut feeling more and more that I should take away some of the pressure (for now, since I'm not ready for it) and not worry about being published and making a career. I'll hold onto those things as aspirations, but they're not factors in what I'm doing right now. They are matters to dealt with after I've completed the pre-requisites.

    If anything, all that business about audiences I find to be very uninspiring. At the end of the day the person I write for is myself. Yeah, I know it might appeal to people who like this or that, but I don't try to force square pegs through circle holes and warp my entire artistic idea to fit some pre-conceived notions of marketers.

    I agree. That's one of the main reasons I'm doing it. If working in an ideal setting doesn't fix the problem, then the only place left to point the finger is back at me.

    Though creating the right external environment might be the thing I need to work on my self. They aren't mutually exclusive. They play off one another.

    The problem is that I don't see any "rational" way of getting to the best case scenario of supporting oneself with a writing career.

    You don't go to four years of "Become an Author School" and voila, you're Stephen King. There is no streamlined, established, full-proof path. There have been people throughout history far more talented than I, who weren't recognized until they were dead. And one can pursue that further. What of those who never knew their talent because, say, they were drafted into the military and died fighting over a rock, or any other countless reasons? Or what of those who realized their talents but were never discovered, not even after they died? All the ones we don't know about?

    It's hard to have confidence in something that, to me, is hardly self-evident.

    The only solution to that is faith, and a willingness to do something *in spite of* all else. Which takes tremendous character. That's where I'm at right now. No amount of positive affirmations will do me any good.

    I will end on the high note of saying that I recognize there is great wisdom in what you say about focusing on the present. The future is out of my control. At least your strategy will leave open the possibility of success. My previous strategy of trying to focus on everything all at once has proved to be paralyzing, and leaves me no chance of success. Possible success is better than nothing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
  4. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2013
    Messages:
    14,398
    Likes Received:
    15,997
    Location:
    Scotland
    I think Xander may have hit on what might benefit you, Foxx. It's the idea of enjoyment.

    Forget where your writing may lead you, or whether you're doing it well, or who might love it, or where it will land you in regard to posterity. Just enjoy the act of writing. Get into the zone, and feel the pleasure of creation.

    Enjoy getting those stories in your head 'out there.' Watch your characters come to life and engage with the problems you set for them. Wallow in the setting of your choice. Right the wrongs you think need righting. You are in total command. You can make anything happen in the world you're creating, so enjoy yourself! Stop worrying about the results.

    Once the stories are 'out there' as completed first drafts, you can begin to work on what to do with them next. That's when the gears shift and you begin to think of how to improve the story, learn more about writing, get feedback, etc. But you'll have material to work with then, and you'll already know you can write. You have already 'written.' Nothing like that feeling. That's the first goal. Enjoy and finish. Then move on.
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
  5. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2016
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    2,242
    Location:
    United States
    Said better than I could've. That was what I was trying to get at. Thank-you!

    I appreciate the advice, both of you. Having given it some thought, I believe you and Xander are right.
     
    Xander17 and jannert like this.
  6. sleepindawg

    sleepindawg Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2019
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    346
    Location:
    Florida, USA
    This seems to be advice that I should take to heart, I've been having trouble with applying myself to getting new stuff down. I seem to be able to do rewrites as I try to get what I've already done in shape and I keep missing the boat when it comes to starting new parts of the WIP. I have the editor called Left it's a simple no frills thing but I just keep on tinkering with what I already have.
     
    Xander17 likes this.
  7. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    To all...this is the type of responses I do regarding 'deep and meaningfuls'. While they'll be considerably larger than most forum posts, they're just skimming the surface, thus they're actually quite small and I spend time editing to reduce their size. If such responses don't fit within your personal preferences, not a prob, just opt out of the convo. I love delving in to sort out soul issues. The task does require more effort in thinking and writing, hence the larger posts. Not everyone's cup of tea I know so no harm, no foul if you don't wanna continue the discussions that may occur. Simply let me know if you wanna continue or not.

    Cheers.
    Xander

    Responding to part of your post Foxxx.
    "Good has two meanings: it means that which is good absolutely and that which is good for somebody." - Aristotle (objective and subjective)

    Thinking about it, I have two definitions of 'work'.
    One is objective (dictionary app) - "exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something."
    The other subjective - a task one has to perform to fulfill a need, usually one not associated with pleasurable feelings, a task one would rather avoid if possible 'cus you'd rather be doing something fun, ie, you'd rather be playing than working.
    In this definition, 'work' has been assigned a negative value by the individual.

    The former has no positive or negative qualities attached to it. The work(task) could be anything from cleaning out porta potties to giving your partner a massage. You're performing a task, it requires effort, end of story. How you feel about it doesn't come into the 1st definition.

    The latter is when there's a story attached to it, hence why it's subjective. We assign a value\quality to a task based on our attitude, what we think of it. We judge, label an assign value to things according to our personal experience with it, determined by our thoughts and feelings, be they conscious or subconscious ones. A rainy day is neither good or bad weather, it's just rainy weather. To me, wanting to ride me treadlee, it's bad weather, to a farmer, it's good. Generally speaking, I think most folks would judge cleaning porta potties as an unpleasurable task while I imagine the opposite occurs for the massage task.

    I've found the judgement of a task isn't determined by the task itself, but one's attitude toward it. Attitude determines how you'll interface with the event, thus if you end up enjoying the experience or not, or if you look forward to it or want to avoid it. While I would enjoy giving a massage more than cleaning dunnies, I don't suffer any soul disturbances thus screw up productivity or my day when cleaning them, though back in the early days of my building industry work life, I'd often have to leave the job site and hit the rainforest for the rest of the day due to severe inner disturbances wrought from difficulties on job sites.

    "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." - Marcus Aurelius

    Took me years to understand and utilise this simple but powerful concept. I was controlled by others and the situtions I found myself in. Fav example: being insulted. It's common understanding that the only response to being insulted is to be hurt by it.

    I sorted my shit out, part of this is to change my attitude, thus in insult experiences, my understanding of the nature of insults, the person offering it and of myself has changed and developed to the point where I now enjoy insults as much as compliments. Sounds crazy to the point of being impossible but it's such a wonderful state to be in. The situation hasn't changed, the other is still hurling insults at me, but I changed my attitude and I now no longer can be offended. The quality of my experiences are now wholly subject to my attitude of which I've complete control over, according to my level of self awareness and knowledge of my inner workings.

    A person accidently stands on your foot, you're in physical pain, the sole cause is the external element, the other person...but internal pain, soul disturbances, like disliking a task one has to perform, the sole cause of suffering is the self, one's attitude towards the task.

    Doesn't mean I'm beaming with 100% joy for every task I have to do, but I'm no longer in any internal turmoil when I have to work, thus I'm not burdened with negativity, thus I can accomplish the task with more enthusiasm, efficiency, and productivity increases, and the day gets a thumbsup.
    "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." - William James

    "This may shock you, but I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude is that "single string" that keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there's no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me." - Charles R. Swindoll

    Personality - "a complex of all the attributes - behavioral, temperamental, emotional and mental that characterise a unique individual."

    Character - "the complex of attributes that determines a person's moral and ethical actions and reactions."

    Attitude - "a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values (character) and dispositions (personality traits) to act in certain ways."

    While it's true that we all have personal preferences, thus likes and dislikes, and cut-off points of what we're rationally justified in not putting up with certain things, thus we don't have to do everything in life...based on experiences, if we're struggling with something we wanna or have to do, our attitude is the first port of call to sort out, if we wanna increase enjoyment and productivity.

    In this manner, when I'm functioning at my state of inner positivity, a positive and beneficial attitude, all work becomes play to me, including the task of going within to sort my shit out, and even tasks that are Sisyphean, I had to look that up and was floored by how burdensome and unfulfilling that type of task can be.

    "Sisyphean - of or relating to Sisyphus - (Greek legend) a king in ancient Greece who offended Zeus and whose punishment was to roll a huge boulder to the top of a steep hill; each time the boulder neared the top it rolled back down and Sisyphus was forced to start again
    - Sisyphean - both extremely effortful and futile."

    This is why I speak of looking within and sorting one's shit out. This doesn't mean externals can't be part of the problem, but I tend to look within first to see what about myself may be part of my struggles. Get your ship in order and become a skilled sailor and the storms of life become joyful experiences, because you no longer perceive them as troubling storms.

    The decade journey towards the publisher ready state of my book was primarily acheived by sorting out my soul issues regarding the task.
     
  8. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    While going through my quote collection for themes for the fav quotes thread, I came across this...

    "Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work." - Aristotle

    ...for many tasks the goal is not perfection, but a creation that one is proud of and makes one feel good about the accomplishment and of one's abilities to do so; so in this quote I simply substitute 'perfection' with a word I rez with, or, using 'perfection', the goal is to inject as much wonderful elements to show it's well on it's way to that state.
    (I have issues with the value of 'perfection' assigned to some things, one being if you irrationally obssess about perfection, you may never complete a work 'cus you'll always be improving it and you'll never be satisfied, thus fulfilled)

    Anyways, I've noticed all the tasks I've done in life that I've done well and exceptionally well at, be it a mundane job I was employed at, doing the dishes or any of the creative works I've done, my sketches, building things, my writing, riding me treadlee and working on efficiency and health...they all have one thing in common...

    ...I enjoyed the task. As soon as my enjoyment was thwarted, the productivity either ended or the quality ended up not as envisioned.

    Many moons ago, mtb riding in a small nature reserve back on the mainland with my friend, part of the reserve set aside for mtb tracks, at the end of a particular tame but fun track my friend said, "I enjoyed myself", as one usually does; it's a common phrase, nothing there to allocate time to contemplate deeper.

    But later on I did 'cus when he said it the ol' spider senses were subtly tingling that there was more to it. So I contemplated and I see two ways to interpret it, or there's two elements to consider.
    1. He enjoyed the ride through the scrub, he enjoyed the experience. He likes riding and that track was fun times.
    2. He enjoyed himself, the person having the experience, his riding abilities. H would've had a different experience if his abilites were not at his current level or if he wasn't so passionate about dirt riding. (for those that have experienced it, dirt riding is very different from road riding)

    So, not only do we enjoy the task we're engaged in, half of this has to be because we enjoy who we are at the time.

    If a task requires learning or honing one's skills or talent, we can choose to either be frustrated and\or self-condemning with our current level or we can enjoy the journey of development; for the nature of development is you know you're not there yet, but you also know the path will be wrought with problems that need to be sorted, thus a positive attitude along the whole way is most beneficial.

    IOWs, enjoy every aspect of the journey as you set out to create something you envision that makes you proud and gives you those wonderful sensations of accomplishment.

    It's not all fun times when I began riding again in my later years, but whenever I came across an issue, I was joyfully proactive in sorting them out, thus I'm still riding and getting better and feeling quite fulfilled within my daily rides and my long-term accomplishments.

    I think every task has problems, the key to getting better and accomplishing goals and not being severely thwarted in your afforts is to enjoy all the aspects of the process, this means having a "can do" attitude to the problems instead of being dismayed by them.

    With my 1st book writing adventure, I had to uncover and sort out the various self confidence and self value issues that were the main reasons for backing away from the task. Developing my writing style, finding my own unique voice and learning the basics of grammer, sentence structure, etc were never a problem as I already had a deep enjoyment of writing, but to create a book, that was percieved for far too long as a completely different task that I thought I wasn't able to do.

    I still enjoyed writing my book while I was performing the task, but I had lots of internal issues to sort out, and the more sorting I did, the productivity increased, thus lack of enjoyment thus productivity is proportional to issues that get in the way of those two elements, which of course is, "Like duh, obvie!", but it's so easy to recoil from a task when we're not enjoying it, but the trick is it's not the task that creates the lack of enjoyment, it's our attitude towards it.

    We can choose to either be miserable if we get a flat while it's raining, or we can fire up the youthful enthusiasm for life and enjoy the experience of getting drenched. If you can't help but remain miserable in that situation, a situation you can't avoid and it's a task you have to perform, and for writing, a task you desire to perform, then simply took for whatever issues you have in your soul that's tripping you up.

    I dreaded the upcoming winter weather for my rides as I just started and didn't want to stuff up my exercise and health plan, so I donned some thermals and at first even 6 degrees was uncomfortable, but I remained in enjoy mode, then I did a few rides in 0 degrees and my finger tips were sore, now I can ride in 4 degrees and thoroughly enjoy it and the cold sensations of my bod; 4 degrees is now warm for me, and yet I could have had a negative attitude towards the 6 dergree cold and I'd be so unproductive and disappointed in myself.

    Some folks ask me how the hell can I ride in 0 degrees. Simple, enjoyment. I choose to enjoy all aspects of the task, and when I do so, my enjoyment of my self, my accomplishments, my physical and soul development increases.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2019
    Siberian and Foxxx like this.
  9. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Had another interesting dream last night.

    How do you make an unhappy child happy?
    Give them an ice-cream.

    Therefore our happiness, our state of being, the thoughts and emotions we have are subject to externals, what we obtain or experience dictates our mood thus behaviour.
    I'm sad and unenthusiastic 'cus I have to work, but it's friday so I'm now happy and super enthused 'cus I just gots paid and it's the weekend. Work was a drag, now I can have fun.

    During the religious part of my journey in my 20-30s, in a particular church there was an elder who was always happy. One day I asked him why this is so, he said it doesn't matter what the day brings, he simply chooses to be happy, even in difficult or undesired tasks, he chooses happiness and he becomes happy then has a great day.

    As someone who from childhood suffered from uncontrollable Depression (undiagnosed at that time), I considered his concept for a while and concluded it to be utterly irrational, illogical and down right crazy, there's no way you can switch to being happy, say when you've severely pranged your car and you have no insurance or money to fix it. There's nothing enjoyable about that. There's no way I can muster up genuine joy about this situation, and again, it just doesn't make sense, it's not an enjoyable experience therefore it's rational, normal and justified to be upset about it.

    So I dismissed his crazy concept for years, then re-examined it after the traumatic experience of my soul mate leaving me. For two years I remained in excruciating soul pain from the breakup, my heart had been ripped in two, she was adamant she wasn't returning thus as I looked into my future all I could see was perpetual suffering. My experience wasn't going to change, so I eventually began to consider that it would have to be me that changes.

    It took me a number of years to understand, but it turns out that circumstances do not control the state of our being, we do, 100%. One place we're tricked into believing things and events will make us happy or sad is we were unconsciously conditioned to accept this as fact.

    The kid who was sad until he was given an ice-cream, (s)he was conditioned by such actions to believe we become happy due to things or experiences. And it does seem to fit the constant pictures of reality. Take nearly any scenario and it seems that our emotional responses are subject to our experiences so we strive towards pleasurable experiences and we avoid the unpleasurable things and tasks.

    However, there's more to the situation of 'johnny or mary becoming happy by an ice-cream' than meets the eye. What if the child doesn't like ice-cream? What if the child has never experienced an ice-cream before? Therefore, becoming happy from the ice-cream recieved experience is subject to the child's history and valuation ascribed to ice-cream. Therefore, it's not the experience that dictates our responses, it's our thoughts, our attitude towards ice-cream, towards our experiences.

    "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." - Marcus Aurelius

    "We are no longer puppets being manipulated by outside powerful forces; we become the powerful force ourselves. " - Leo Buscaglia

    "Our ultimate freedom (and power) is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us." - Stephen R. Covey

    When this revolutionary concept finally sunk in during my single parenting days 20 odd years ago, I had a $2000 accident (my car was good, the other car was a mess, I was at fault), with no insurance and no money in the bank (lost everything and the house in the breakup) as there'd be seasons on zero building industry work, just a single parenting pension, it remains as one of the most enjoyable experiences to date. The folks in the other car thought I was on drugs 'cus I was so happy about it all.

    Same era, went to pick up me kids at school, hit a police car that was over the line at a traffic stop, knocked their side mirror clean off...uh-oh spaghettios!...the sarge eventually arrived and gave me a stern tongue wagging, I had to muster all my strength to not burst into joyous laughter 'cus I was having so much fun.

    Seeing my separated wife with her new man was no longer traumatic, I could easily treat her like a close friend with no negativity towards her.

    Fast foward to after my suicide attempt and my Buddha Nature experience in the psych ward, being insulted remains joyful experiences for me as opposed to being severely wounded for the previous 40 years from them.

    Think about it, why does an experience evoke the happy happys?
    Because we have judged from previous or similar experiences that these things will give us pleasure.

    We are responsible for the personal preferences we have, we write the list from all our experiences and when we have a current experience, they're subconsciously evaluated against these personal preferences, and when they align, we give the green light to manifest happy emotions with accompanying enthusiasm.

    The third quote talks about freedom, and I've discovered how wonderful this freedom is, that I can choose each day how I will think, feel and respond about a matter, and thus I'm in control of the level of my productivity and success in my endeavours, and if I miss the mark I now know there'll be something within me that's interfering in my desired goals, of which I also have complete control over, sometimes it just takes a while till the problem is found and understood in order to resolve.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2019
    Foxxx likes this.
  10. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    My book writing adventure: Thinking I'm not good enough to write a book.

    I've had my current book in my soul for a decade. Didn't have all the chapters, but the main synopsis was locked down. I've been writing hard core for about a decade before I wrote the first line of this book, mainly in my journals, in epic sized letters to friends and in online forums. The bulk of my essays averaging between 1-3 pages long, translated to 300 -1500 words say, thus never having written a huge piece, be it fiction or non.

    As time went on and the bulk of my online writing evolved to primarily sharing about the self healing of my Depression and other soul issues ( and offering ideas regarding issues that other's shared they wee struggling with), the idea of a book began to surface. But what kept happening when I'd think about this prospect were thoughts of doubt and self criticism that who the hell was I to not only earn a living from writing, but that I had anything of value or quality to share with others, even though I knew 100% that how I cured myself is a game changer, including my conviction, due to research, that no one else had thought of the disorder in this manner, evidenced by no public expressions or knowledge that Depression is curable.

    I struggled with my internal conflict for about a year, analysing my thoughts and feelings, arguing the case for each pro and con element, eventually writing the Intro one afternoon. A small one compared to the final version, but nonetheless, it was the actual creation of a book, to which I marvelled at how easy it is to write one.

    It seems books had been placed by me high on a pedestal, out of my reach, that I was unworthy to be included among so many successful authors. But as I analysed my doubts and self criticisms, I reasoned, hang a mo, these successful authors weren't born as such, they're people just like me, who perhaps eventually discovered they had a knack and desire to write and via practice, developed their craft or gift and eventually wrote a book that became a success.

    Therefore I have as much right, freedom and potential to achieve the same result, and I just proved it in part, by writing the Intro, which is actually part of a book, not a forum post or an entry in my journal. The delusion was shattered that day that I'm not worthy or it's not my destiny to write something that could help humanity in some manner, just like all the self help and knowledge books I've read that have helped me on my Know Thyself healing journey.

    And there's nothing extraordinary about a book, compared to all the other forms of writing I've done or where they're resting place is. A book is simply a larger version of what I've been easily, successfully and proudly been doing for years. It's taken 10 years to finish the book due to other soul issues, of which I'll share when they come to mind.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
    Alan Aspie and love to read like this.
  11. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2018
    Messages:
    2,319
    Likes Received:
    2,762
    Nonsense.

    If you can make it, you are good enough.

    If you can almost make it, you are on the way to be good enough.

    If you can't make it, you need practice & new trial.

    I have read your writing. There is something worth developing and showing to other people.
     
  12. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Cheers..but did you read my whole post or just that one line, for in it I share how I resolved that particular issue?
     
  13. Alan Aspie

    Alan Aspie Contributor Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2018
    Messages:
    2,319
    Likes Received:
    2,762
    I read about 25-30% of your hidden texts. It's very much up to my mood & how busy I am.

    This time I did read only the visible part and commented only it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  14. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    My book writing adventure: The illusion-delusion of the goal on the horizon.
    Usually, horizons contain wonderful places as one observes them in the distance. There's a romantic sense about them. In the case of achieving a goal, they're seen as far off in the distance, like an horizon. However, one can never reach an horizon, for when you reach the location, the horizon has moved ahead of you. The analogy is not exact, for the landscape horizon glitch isn't identical to the glitch of never finishing a WIP, but they share some similarities

    This horizon glitch is related to the inspiration and drive one has in regards to working towards a goal, and the connected but different thoughts and feelings associated with finally getting there.

    As I was now writing my book, slowly at first, but enthused within the actual act of writing, thinking about and organising my thoughts into chapters etc, I found it wise to intermittently stop and take stock of where I currently am, where I came from and the direction I'm heading in, to be able to make corrections so I don't end up way off course and I'd have to bin stacks of work and start again.

    You do your work in the present moment, but you have to look back and forwards to see how the story is thus far and see if it all still makes sense in regards to the eventual outcomes you're envisoning. But a negative that was happening with me when I'd look into the future, is I'd go way beyond the book writing element and look at the possible experiences once it's finished, sending it off to publishers, or if self-published, will anyone buy my work.

    In those ponderings, due again to self worth issues, self doubt, doing something I've never done before, one new book placed within a huge ocean of 'em, etc...I'd envision zero publishers being interested in my work, or no sales if self-published. Considered rationally, it's a possibility, as equally as the book being picked up and being successful. But with that negative outlook, seeing the horizon contained a negative result, this can influence one to not want to reach that location.

    Why work towards a non-beneficial goal, thus what can happen due to still having passion for your work, and part of you still envisioning success instead of failure at the end of your work, is you may end up constantly re-doing your work or going at a much slower pace, or diverting yourself, being busy in other areas and thus convincing yourself you just don't have the time for writing even though you actually remain very passionate about it. Hello Self-sabotage.

    The fear of failure\rejection, etc undermines your positive aspects that continues to drive you to create. It never kills it off completely, but part of you avoids actually reaching the end of your journey. Thus just like the illusion of never being able to reach an horizon, you can keep the dream alive of being a successful author, which inspires and empowers you and gives your life meaning, while never actually becoming one.

    I literally could re-edit my book for another decade and never tire of it, I would still remain very passionate about it and the envisioned outcome of it being hugely successful. Therefore dreams are highly beneficial, they empower you to strive towards a goal that currently only exists in your mindtank, but one can be stuck in the wonderful environment of a dream and never reach the end thus turn the dream into a reality.

    I haven't had any feedback from family and friends who I often update about the progress of my book, but I've been talking about it for a decade and still no completion ( though it is now, 99.999%), so I can imagine maybe some of these folks thinking, 'ffs, he's delusional, he's been talking about it for years but never gets it done.'

    The delusion is the dream is not reality, but you can hold onto the dream and be satisified as if the dream was a reality. My attitude used to be, 'Better to hold onto a wonderful dream than suffer the possibility of the dream being completely shattered'. Now my attitude is, 'Reality, regardless of it's content, is always better than a dream, and thus I engage my being towards that'.

    I sorted this glitch out by remembering and focusing on the fact that it's also 50% probable that the book will be successful, thus ffs, get off my ass and complete it, to which I've been most productive these last couple of years and now, holy shit (a happy excited holy shit), a few weeks away from sending off to publishers...compared to how much I struggled a decade ago to even muster up any enthusiasm to switch from daydreaming to actually putting pen to paper. For me, there's a magical transformation when I put pen to paper\fingers to keyboard. The physical act of writing transports the dream into reality.

    I know it's still a 50% possibility no publishers will be interested, but this now no longer interferes in my efforts, hasn't for quite a while. I've left daydream land and have been working on making the dream manifest. Took me a while to spot the difference between thinking about my future and being excited about it, being driven by it...and actually doing something about it and being excited and driven to do that. I'm no longer troubled or hindered by the possibility of noone picking up the book. I'll allocate time to consider my options only if that occurs. My current reality is I'm writing a book I'm proud of and confident will do well. That's all I need to focus on.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  15. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Yet to me, another Introvert,
    though specialised due to my predominant Hermit Archetype, who once spent 40 mins joyfully intrigued by a small twig held in my hand as I lay under a tree, the amount you share is only millimetres below the surface of the one of the most wonderful things in existence, the human soul. I regard people are one of the most beautiful things on earth and I enjoy getting to know them.

    I agree about risks, and it depends on the various types of risks. I've found online, forums specifically, affords one a space to share more without forcing oneself on others. I'll "Spoiler" tag my long posts so as not to hog\clutter up a thread, and folks are free to read or not, thus I have the freedom to be myself and say what I really wanna, and this allows others to decide if they rez with me or not; including if I show the real me and I do so without any social hangups, it can inspire others to do the same; providing others with a "safe space" to share as well, and\or see me as a safe or trustworthy person to chat with. Perhaps similar to how you ended up dating LostThePlot.

    I'm amazed I had any relationships or functioned well enough in social situations as my soul was severely messed up with an inferiority complex, self hatred, shyness, lack of confidence, insecure in myself, next to zero social skills...though as I began to increase my knowledge of myself and the psychology of human nature, Introvted personality triats are not our social dysfunctions, e.g., shyness is not a trait of Introversion. For as I began to resolve my soul issues from my 30s and on, my actual introvertive triats remained, flourished and have now become my strengths. E.g., I suffered terribly from being very sensitive; compounded by society stating boys are weak sissies if they're sensitive, but once I resolved the actual dysfunctions that interfered with my sensitive nature, my sensitivity is greater and is one of my strengths that I'm very proud of and have no probs expressing socially.
    When you say you push yourself to be more social, what are you actually pushing? (for you're forcing yourself to do a certain thing, so this force must be pushing against something or pushing it out of the way)

    What are your reasons for forcing yourself to get along with folks you don't click with, which is different from hangin' out with folks you do click with?
    For if you know you don't like a certain food (based on taste alone, not nutrition), there's no rational or beneficial reason for you to force yourself to eat it.
    It's actually a sign of self care\self love to not eat food you don't like and to eat what you like.
    True it's soul developing to try to get along with all types of folks, but when it comes to personal preferences and certain social settings, taking care of oneself is the priority, thus you don't have to hang out with every type all the time and always adapt for them or be there for them.

    Yep, introverts aren't fond of busy situations. Based on my own experiences and stuff I've read, we prefer one on one convos in quiet settings rather than being in a sea of a multitude of different energies from the various types of people and their emotions and topics of discussion and their body language...it's just too much info to process.
    What do you think these folks think of you at the latter party?
    What could it mean when these folks have no interest in conversing with you?

    YAY! Will get back to your earlier post later as I've been up for hours, I need to peel myself off me bed, have a stretch and prepare for the trip to Lonnie.
     
  16. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Forgot to mention at the start, and I'll add it to the OP, you don't have to post any of your answers or thoughts, Lemie. My thoughts and questions are primarily for you to consider; only share what you're comfortable with. You don't owe me anything, I have no demands you need to fulfil. I freely and lovingly share myself with you and others simply because I now have a huge amount of freedom to do so, and I've learnt that others may not have that level of freedom to share, be it publicly or even in a private one on one convos.

    Perhaps she also didn't know why she invited you.
    Though you could simply ask, but of course I know all too well how daunting that can be. But as I began to practice direct asking, it became easier and I've had plenty of positive responses from folks you appreciated me asking.

    Even though you're aware of your struggles to feel ok in social settings, mein himmel, does that bring back tons of memories, let's say that comprises of weaknesses or dysfuctions you're proactively working on, I notice a strength or quality, in that you seem confident or assured of your ability to determine there was enough incompatibility to wonder why she invited you.

    Call it emotional intelligence, Intuition, or one of an Introvert's qualities - to think things through, based on the wealth of data we glean that extroverts seem to pass over or be unaware of...or a blend of all three. Bottom line is, despite your negatives\non-beneficial\dysfunctional aspects you're working on, it's your positive or beneficial traits that enables you to succeed in your endeavours, and it's those that'll help you on your self development journey. That is, despite how messed up you think you are or actually are, I hope you're inspired and empowered by your positive traits, and that you use them to discover, understand and sort your issues out.

    So, let's say there's two goals,
    1. To never place yourself in a social setting you have no compatibility with, no desire for it simply doesn't align with your personal preferences.
    2. To do things for others for their benefit without that decision being influenced by any dysfunctional elements within one's being.

    Within those elements you've shared, there's a plethora of info to help you pinpoint the reasons you ended up at that party, of which you've shared you understand some elements of why you decided to go. The issue I'm considering, adn I have no proof, it's only speculation based onthe small amount you've shared ancomparing it against my past similar experiences...if there's still any negativity\soul pain, turmoil within each element of the various experiences, then they too can be resolved, for if one of or the goal is to no longer suffer in social situations, then it's a simple matter of analysing every experience to discover what's going on inside you that produces your decisions, actions and any accompanying painful thoughts and feelings.

    With perhaps an accompanying goal of finding a balanced approach between doing things outside your comfort zone and loving yourself by not doing things you have no interest in. For there's two elements to Discomfort - the beneficial pain of positive growth, and the beneficial warning system that you're doing something that goes against your functional personal preferences.

    You've already shared your reasons why you "owed" them the party, but did you have strong reservations about their attitudes and behaviour before that?

    How much time did you spend with these folks before and after your breakup? When did you begin to have reservations about them? (by 'reservations' I mean noticing and not liking their attitudes and behaviours that you simply don't rez with)

    Specifically, what thoughts did you have that resulted in feeling bad for turning them down?

    Regardless of your social issues Lemie, I think anyone not the same as them would have found the party to be a drag.

    In my current state I find your party experience and the things leading up to it quite fascinating, but back in the day when I was still severely messed up, I'm confident I would have painfully struggled through the whole thing.
     
  17. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    I've subbed this bloke for a while now; he usually does movies, sharing his insights of them. I like how he thinks and speaks. I came across this one the other day and decided to watch it this morn.
     
  18. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    The archetype set from LSOO

     
    Foxxx likes this.
  19. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2016
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    2,242
    Location:
    United States
    Ah, at last, I've rediscovered the thread where I ideally should've shared this video in the first place. (instead of splurging it haphazardly in other parts of the forum)





    Useful for creative types, not just INFJs.

    @Xander17 Also, the Lord of the Rings videos by Like Stories of Old are easily some of my favorite YouTube videos of all time.
     
  20. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Nice to see some others inputting here.
    It actually took me a while to realise to post the vids here too.
    LOTR trilogy will always remain at the top of my list of movies.
    Will check out LSOO's vids on it. Can download them later today.

    I find LSOO's insights can be quite profound regarding one's journey through life.
    I've always regarded movies as journeys of exploration into the human condition (subject to type of movie of course), or expressions of its many facets, thus a wonderful medium to reflect on one's own journey.

    It's rare for me to not cry when I watch a LSSO vid. Not only does he say such profound things, but his voice and style of expression is perfect to convey such information. LSOO is my YT Zen Garden.
     
  21. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Something that I've been meaning to post. I accidently deleted my Documents folder on me tablet, thus had to fire up me puta in hope of finding a copy on one of the HDs.

    One of my all time fav eastern stories regarding sorting one's shit out.

    A Sufi teaching tells of the man who visited a great mystic to find out how to let go of his chains of attachment and his prejudices.
    Instead of answering him directly, the mystic jumped to his feet and bolted to a nearby pillar, flung his arms around it, grasping the marble surface as he screamed, "Save me from this pillar! Save me from this pillar!"
    The man who had asked the question could not believe what he saw. He thought the mystic was mad.
    "Why are you doing that?" the man asked, "I came to you to ask a spiritual question because I thought you were wise, but obviously you're crazy. You are holding the pillar, the pillar is not holding you. You can simply let go."
    The mystic let go of the pillar and said to the man, "If you can understand that, you have your answer. Your chains of attachment are not holding you, you are holding them. You can simply let go."

    Simple, profound and utterely life changing when fully realised and applied.
     
    Mary Elise and Foxxx like this.
  22. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    Currently downloading the INFJ vids and will watch this week.
    EDIT: and just snagged the LSOO - LOTR vids.
    It's been over a decade since I did tests to discover my type.
    You got any links to quality sites so I see what's my current state?
    I've noticed as I develop and heal, my type changes, sometimes dramatically, sometimes subtly. Would be nice to see what I'm like since a decade ago.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2019
    Foxxx likes this.
  23. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2016
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    2,242
    Location:
    United States
    This is the best I've found that's free: https://www.16personalities.com/
     
  24. Xander17

    Xander17 Hermit Archetype Supporter Contributor

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2018
    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,759
    Location:
    Tassie. Oz
    SYNCHRO !!! I just completed that one and bookmarked it.
    I liked how the questions were constructed and the depth of analysis afterwards.
    While waiting for your response and stacks of downloads, I researched and have been testing like a mofo.
    Preliminary results thus far...
    INFJ: ISFP: ISTP: INFJ-a\INFJ-t...the last one from the linked site...The Advocate.
    It would be helpful if the other sites had indepth explanations, thus I could compare, as I rezed with all results thus far, but noticed the construct of some questions can create an inaccurate evaluation.

    So far the linked site I rez with the most.
     
    Foxxx likes this.
  25. Foxxx

    Foxxx The Debonair Contributor

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2016
    Messages:
    2,236
    Likes Received:
    2,242
    Location:
    United States
    I'm glad you found it helpful!

    I try not to give it too much weight. Certainly I take it more seriously than fortune cookies or one of those Chinese Zodiac calendars. After all, there is a significant amount of science and research behind MBTI.

    But as you also discovered, results can vary on the day, and various aspects of the questions themselves. I would say you have nothing to worry about because your results share many of the same patterns (I fluctuated between ISTJ and INFJ, if I remember correctly). Some days you might be a labrador, other days a golden retriever, but either way you know you're most certainly a dog.

    However, I can't help but notice that the descriptions are similar to fortune cookies in one small way: they can be so broad that they might as well be applicable to the vast majority of individuals.

    So really what one is looking for, I guess, is how strongly it resonates and why.
     
    Xander17 likes this.

Share This Page