I much prefer your own version. No offense to @Spirit of seasons , but his style is much more standard. It is ordinary, and thus far less interesting. @X.x.V.x.X your own has character to it - please, please stay with it. Your use of "I", contrary to what Spirit said, is not a "crutch" - your usage of that pronoun is perfectly reasonable in the context you were using it in. It is only a filter word when it unnecessarily distances the character from the reader, which I do not believe was your case in the slightest. I had no problems understanding your final line - in fact, that final line hooked me. I loved how clever your MC was. I loved how it immediately lets me know the MC is the killer, except no one knows. It's pretty fresh that the reader should know right away while everyone else is kept in the dark. It might be hard to carry it forward and keep the tension without making your surrounding characters look a little dumb, but if you do it right, I think you've got a gem there. First person narration is actually very often used with the "unreliable narrator" device, and not third person. It is true that a lot of beginners end up using "I" too often when writing in first person, and then it ends up distancing the situation from the reader because it comes a filter word, as opposed to giving us the action directly (eg. "I heard birdsong", as opposed to "The birds sang". Or "I saw a car" as opposed to "A car appeared" etc) - I think that's what Spirit was referring to. But do not make the mistake of red-flagging every usage of "I" as if it's always a bad thing. Use it when necessary. In your example, it was necessary.