Share Your First Three Sentences

Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Tenderiser, Apr 20, 2016.

  1. rincewind31

    rincewind31 Active Member

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    I think my father may have murdered my mother and buried her in the garden. I haven’t seen or heard from her since Sunday night, and when I arrived home from school today, the flat pack shed, that’d been leaning disassembled against the wall since it was delivered six months ago, had been erected next to the flowerbeds.
    When I walked through the back gate, father was leaning against his shovel, smoking a cigarette, and looking very pleased with himself.
     
  2. DK3654

    DK3654 Active Member

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    Posted this in a larger excerpt already but I felt like putting here and you can't stop me fools
    "
    Officer Becker was already having a bad day, when they got another call. That’s something they don’t tell you, how shit it feels to be reminded constantly how fucked up the world is. But nevertheless, him and Officer Lester responded diligently to another report.
    "
     
  3. Noelle_G

    Noelle_G New Member

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    Beth emerged from the walk in closet in a skin tight white mini dress, and silver heels, a pair of purple stilettos swinging from one hand. She eyed her sister Kate with annoyance. “Are you are I can’t convince you to change? It’s my bachelorette party! Live a little!”
     
  4. OB1

    OB1 Active Member

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    No thanks....

    Forgive the harshness, but as a reader this is my response and I'd hazard a guess that most people would agree. It's like a salesman or charity fundraiser stopping me in the street whilst I am going about my daily life. What they have to say must be very interesting, engrossing or important for me to give them any time of day!

    In the previous sentences you have not given me any reason why I should invest my time and energy in listening to these accounts. Not to mention the fact that you open with a very jarring statement


    No one not even the most arrogant person would speak like this.

    Almighty king of kings? is the father, God?

    Starting your story with a "Come gather round and hear me speak" kind of opener is very difficult to do well, and in my opinion is a recipe for disaster. I have never read a book that starts like this for this very reason.

    Then you carry on with

    Good for you, but I'd beg to differ my father is pretty awesome too! If someone said "None could wish for a better father" this would be my response.

    The reason why this thread has come about is because editors and publishers reckon you have about 3 sentences to hook the reader. Otherwise they'd throw it in the bin. It sounds harsh and frankly it is, but this is the only way they can sieve through the wheat and chaff. You literally have 3 sentences to grab my attention and make me invest my most precious time.

    I am sorry that this isn't positive criticism, but I hope it is constructive.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018 at 11:13 AM
    Zerotonin likes this.
  5. Zerotonin

    Zerotonin Serotonin machine broke Contest Administrator Supporter

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    Just started a new story and I figured I'd post the first few sentences here. Nothing fancy, just wondering if it's a decent enough hook to get someone to read further.

    “I just bought some stock in Apple last night. I hear they’re supposed to explode soon, so you may want to jump on that bandwagon while you can, my friend!”

    My coworker’s droll voice broke me out of my trance-like state, wondering how many Ibuprofen I would have to take to overdose.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2018 at 5:02 PM

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