Share Your Last Three Sentences

Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Masked Mole, Apr 22, 2016.

  1. ToeKneeBlack

    ToeKneeBlack Banned

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    Kieran looks out of my window and says, “Look, a shooting star!”
    John runs next to him and says, “Sarah, is that what I think it is?”
    I join them and take a really close look at the sparkly trail left by a flying reindeer.
     
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  2. Foxe

    Foxe Active Member

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    Mispost, Sorry! (Admins delete if possible)
     
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  3. zoupskim

    zoupskim Contributor Contributor

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    Different. Intriguing. I'm eager to read more.
     
  4. Cat Cherry

    Cat Cherry Member

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    You may already be aware of this, but in case you aren't, "schon" in German means "already." If you're looking for the word for "beautiful," you want "schön" (the o-umlaut is important in this case :)).
     
  5. Cat Cherry

    Cat Cherry Member

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    Okay, I'll play! Break out your editing claws. Here are the final three sentences of my manuscript:

    With a wicked glint in his eye, Sean says, “Your turn, Molly-Who-Wants-To-Fuck-Me-But-Not-Hate-Me.”

    That’s when I decide I’m sold on the Boston accent.

    Dear Chloe, I think to myself, re-writing the draft of the e-mail in my head, Boston is fucking awesome.
     
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  6. My last three (about 15K words in) :)

    Larrun stared at the man and laughed. I ain’t gonna drop dead, not until you do,
    buddy, he thought. Sael seemed to understand him and shut his mouth.
     
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  7. Selbbin

    Selbbin I hate you Contributor

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    Technically these are my last three sentences:

    And we are all falling. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! For then would I fly away, and be at rest


    But it makes more sense with some bits preceding:


    Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. Our eyes are closed and our bodies are locked in a warm embrace; full of love, full of wonder, full of peace, bare feet dancing on the cold stone. And with legs entwined we lean and let ourselves over the edge, and now we are falling, falling angels embraced in rapture. And we are falling. And we are falling. And we are all falling. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! For then would I fly away, and be at rest
     
  8. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I still can't read that without tears.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2016
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  9. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Okay, that's four sentences. But I'm a verbose bitch.
     
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  10. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    No way, the last thing I would ever think you were @jannert was a bitch. :p
     
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  11. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Benevolent Ochlocrat Staff Supporter Contributor

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    If you don't mind a bit of critique from a very junior member, I think that using the proper name "Arjun" twice in three sentences reads slightly awkwardly. Assuming it's a male name (don't think I've ever heard it before, sorry) it would seem a little smoother to me like this:

    "Arjun’s own body went numb, following suit with the sobering sight. The doors of the emergency vehicle slammed shut with a deafening thud. Finally, he knew why they called it Black Friday."

    Of course, being the last three lines and all, there could be a whole bunch of other things going on in the background that make the proper name necessary, so I hope I haven't given any offense.
     
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  12. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Benevolent Ochlocrat Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Well, this looks fun. Of course, since most of what I've written has been flash, I don't want to give too many stories away, but a couple, just for grins:

    ****Humor****

    “Shit,” Yuri said to himself, “He better not kill me,” and slowly pushed the door open. As he'd suspected, the lights were gone, but the full moon shone in through a high window, illuminating the room well enough to see that Viktor was gone.
    “Viktor? Where-” he was interrupted as Viktor “The Dictator” Kovalchuk, the newly-turned were-Pomeranian, trotted, growling, past his ankles, in search of his next fight.

    ****Psychological****

    His eyes moved from the bright yellow umbrella and its owner to Sister Charlotte's concerned face. “Yes, lunch, that's a good idea, thank you.”

    His hands, of their own accord, ceased their toying, and dropped the dandelion into the grave.

    ****Un-fan Fiction****

    That many meant that they must've breached the Wall. Help would be on the way, but guarding the Sleigh until takeoff would take first priority.

    Time runs funny up here; it was going to be a long five minutes.


    Thanks for looking.
     
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  13. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    This ending is taken out of context, as you recognised, judging from your last sentence. Normally you're right about repeating words, but sometimes the music of the piece means repetition is needed. I'd let it go on this one. We don't know what has led up to it. Generally, people want their last few lines to resonate, and maybe the repetition makes this happen. You wouldn't want this to be happening throughout the piece, though.
     
  14. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    You haven't seen me in full flight! :)
     
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  15. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    This thread is fun. It makes me want to read the stories.

    I understand why a lot of emphasis gets placed on the first three sentences, but I really do believe the last three are just as important. It's the lasting impression you take away from a book that will lead you to read another by the same author. And an ending can do so much to stamp that impression on your mind.

    I have had the great pleasure and privilege of beta-reading @Selbbin's entire MS, and I can assure you that ending (and the whole story) is something I will never forget. The overriding emotion I felt as I read those lines for the first time was of huge emotional relief—which was unlooked-for, but absolutely right. The poetry in those concluding lines is stunning.

    There are manymanymany authors on this forum whose novels are destined for publication, I'm sure. However his stands out, at least for me. I think he will win literary prizes with this story. It really is that good.
     
  16. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    Um, I don't know about you guys, but I plan on charging $15.50, per person, to get to read my last three sentences.
     
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  17. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    I definitely agree- from all the excerpts I've read on the workshop, it reads like the sort of novels they made us read in high school.
     
  18. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I do hope that's not meant as a dig, because he certainly doesn't deserve one.

    The problem with the books we are 'made' to read in high school, at least in my opinion, is that we weren't mature enough to appreciate them as teenagers. I mean, that's the age group that reads Twilight, etc. I've gone back and re-read several of the books I disliked in high school and felt very differently about them as an adult.

    I'm going to re-tackle The Sound and the Fury soon, to see if that has changed. It's the one book I 'had' to read in high school that I found totally unreadable. (There were others I wasn't fond of as well.) I hated it, because it made no sense to me then. I think I'll have a different take on it now.
     
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  19. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    It reminds me of the sort of (more modern) novels we read in high school. A lot of those books did win literary prizes.
     
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  20. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I'm interested in the topic, because as a very ex English teacher I cringe whenever older people say they hated what they were forced to read in high school. I think English teachers need a major re-think on what they force students to read. Just because a book is worthy doesn't mean a teenager between the ages of 14 and 17 will enjoy or appreciate it. The important thing is to get students to read and appreciate what they read, so I think choosing the 'classics' needs to be done more carefully than it sometimes is. The last thing you want is students going away 'hating' what they've had to read, or even hating the idea of reading altogether.

    However, I don't want to derail this last sentences thread, so I'll stop now.
     
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  21. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

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    I swear, nothing could make me reread The Old Man and the Sea. Nope, not gonna happen. But I loved Whuthering Heights, even then, and The Tale of Two Cities. Teachers just need to pick the right books.
     
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  22. 123456789

    123456789 Contributor Contributor

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    I loved some of the books I had to read in high school. 1984, if you couldn't guess. Also, heart of darkness. Chaucer was cool. Shakespeare, obviously. But they also introduced more modern works, post modern or something, like Catcher in the Rye, ugh.
     
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  23. Tenderiser

    Tenderiser Not a man or BayView

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    I think it's great that your first three and last three sentences are directly related: like, they could follow on from each other and make a mini-story.

    It's pre-coffee. I can't explain. I just like the symmetry, like the story's come full circle. Neat.
     
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  24. jannert

    jannert Who? Whooo? Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Yes. It's one of the things I LOVE about a novel. When things you didn't expect come full circle. This is one of the things you can do when revising your beginning. Make it somehow tie up with the ending. Makes a big impact.
     
  25. Oscar Leigh

    Oscar Leigh Contributor Contributor

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    It's the message of the prologue. The title is the expectation, the appearance, and the last line is the truth that hides underneath.
     
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